Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Why Women Give Bad Dating Advice

This is for the guys who read this…or, perhaps for the guys that make the lists so often talked about .

Have you ever noticed that the worst advice you get about winning women over usually comes from women themselves? Women are famous for not knowing what they want. They keep lists that change with their mood. A list on Monday at 3 will not be the same list on Monday at 4.

They say they want a nice guy, but follow jerks like lemmings. They say they want flowers, poems and gifts, but get turned off if the wrong guy sends them one. I want flowers! But not from Yoooouuuu!

Clearly they don't understand their needs, and their triggers. Clearly they are confused.
Guys have to learn to wade through the deluge of useless feminine advice to find the real nuggets of wisdom.

Advice to make more friends
The female friends in your life will often tell you to lay all your feelings out on the table. "Tell her how you feel," "Be a nice guy" and "Don't try to sleep with her right away."
Their advice will get you more girl-friends, but sadly, no bedmates. They mean well, yeah, but truth be told, they're setting you up to look like a real girly chump.

Because when you play Mr. Nice Guy and open all her doors and sleep on the couch, you're not making a lover -- you're making a friend. And a boring one at that! Your female buddies might think they're helping you out, but they're really just sending another hapless calf off to slaughter.

Even mom doesn't get it!
"Just be yourself!" sounds nice when mom says it, doesn't it? And we know she wants the best for us, but we need to a draw a distinction in this piece of advice. Don't just be yourself! Go after the woman you want and be open about your motives, with no apologies! Simply "being" is not enough; you need to be a man of action! Mom can't give good advice until she lets go of her image of you as a "nice little boy." No matter what freaky things you are into, unless mom actually sees the blow up sheep….you will always be the NICE son to her.

Ex-girlfriends suck!
Guys have to be wary of the ex's "tips," as these characters will either tell you what you want to hear to get you to move on, or they'll wreck your chances of replacing them. Do not be one of those guys who say, well it did not work but I have a great friend now…whatever!….Ex-girlfriends will tell you things like, "The harder you look, the less you find," and "Maybe you shouldn't date anyone for a while." This is hardly any consolation to a depressed, horny guy. And I defy you to find me an ex-girlfriend who wants you to start dating a girl much hotter than she is. Your exes can't give good advice because their ego is involved.

The female self-help gurus
A quick read through Internet sites and self-help books reveals an unsettling trend. Following the advice of self-dubbed gurus actually weakens your power in the dating game. Many of these self-help coaches dish out tips like "Be more sensitive to her needs" and "Be romantic." Their advice seems to focus on men changing themselves to suit women's need, all the while ignoring their own. Yeah, I don't think so.

They'll tell you communication is more important than wealth or looks. But if you open up and give away all your desires, dreams and fears, don't expect your woman to hang around for too long. If you're not mysterious, you're no longer a challenge and they will move on. Chicks will try and figure you out, and might even place you on some kind of “ Guys I want to date, MAYBE List” Do not show all your cards.

One popular female dating coach tells men to fill in any awkward silences by delivering a compliment. Now come on, any male that is not filled with estrogen knows to give compliments sparingly, if at all. You can't inflate their heads with insincere compliments, just because you ran out of things to say.

Some pundit ‘s also advise men be to be decisive because indecisive men won't be able to handle a wife and family . Is it possible to raise the stakes any higher? Jeez, talk about pressure.

Experts say to always have plans on a date, forgetting that predictable men turn women off faster than The Clapper . The secret is to prepare for a date (such as making a reservation at a restaurant), but make it appear spontaneous and fun.

Truth is, the "experts" can't get down and dirty because their loyalties are not to you, but to the women you are trying to chase. By sabotaging guys, they make life easier for the ladies.

Women's utter confusion
Sometimes you even muster up the courage to ask a girl what she wants, what attracts her and what turns her on. However, this straight-up approach usually gets you a less-than-straight answer. When you ask this, you will only get a list of qualities, like nice, romantic, generous, polite, listens more than he talks, financially secure, remembers birthdays, and appreciates the finer things -- qualities that have been glaringly absent in her last five boyfriends.

When women discuss what they want in a man, remember that they might not be fully aware of what really turns them on. They might not know yet.

Toss out bad female advice
Precious few females encourage men to snag women with a combination of cockiness and a biting sense of humor. Some of the better advice includes to develop and exude authentic confidence. The best dating advice you can get is to be honest, assertive and respectful, but not to roll over and act like a wimp. Always hold a little something back.

If you heed bad female dating wisdom, you'll be a very confused and uncertain man. Don't be that guy. Women want challenging, confident, mystery-engulfed men. Unfortunately, they are often unwilling or unable to tell you. Or maybe they're unwilling to face it.

Red Arrow

Coming next..How to Date Bad Girls.


  1. okay, yes...confident is so attractive. And I can't tell you how I barf if a guy tells me I'm wonderful and he doesn't even know me.

    I want it all...I want kind & assertive.

  2. You know, if guys were really as smart, assertive, and confident as you give them credit for here, I wouldn't need a blog to vent my frustrations!
    And just for the record, I do know and am willing to admit that I want a challenging, confident, mystery-engulfed man. Preferably with big biceps and intelligence and a sense of humor as well.

  3. Jules8:29 PM

    Does Red Arrow think all the psychiatrists in the world are conspiring against him and his desire to bag the babe? Yup, if you actually pick up and read those books, the chapters are coded. "Be Your Best You Ever" is actually chick-speak for "How to Torture a Man so he'll Squawk like a Chicken in front of his poker buddies..." Trust me when I say you really don't want to know what we really mean when we say, "How to live without a man and be happy."

    You and Oliver Stone need to get together for drinks.

  4. Frank Covey10:40 PM

    Jules can read right? First line...this is for guys...and unless Jules has a big (or little) suprise for someone...I say she is not a man.

    Jules..sweetcheeks...let go of the anger, put your feet up and maybe pop a midol...its ok, really it is.

  5. jules3:49 PM

    Frankie Baby, no I'm not a man, and no Midol is required (we just use that excuse to treat idiot men the way they deserve to be treated, and it must be noted that not all men are idiots.)

    It's just a little frustrating for the good girls to see that guys are going for the bad girls (i.e, ones who will jump into bed without justifiable reason, other than the fact that he's THERE) just as much as the girls you accuse are going for the bad boys.

    I would also like to mention that I am happily married and have no emotional involvement in this discussion. I just think Red Arrow might have issues that require some working out before women stop giving him the "you're a nice guy BUT..." talk. Perhaps if he picked up one of those books he so soundly mocked, he might learn something.

  6. justin11:05 PM

    Red Arrow,
    I want to know how to date Bad Girls! Please tell.

    Question for you. I have a bunch of canned chicken breast that's marked with a date of '10-2005'. Is it still good to eat? I figured since you're a mom that you'd know.

  7. Jules9:06 AM

    Depends, justin. How bad do you want food poisoning? That poor chicken has been in the can for over 2 years. Give it a proper burial.

  8. Justin, I'd stay away from the bad chicken. Juli's predictions do not sound pleasant.

    And remember children, only I get to vent my anger and frustrations on the blog. Everyone else has to be good and play nicely together.

  9. justin9:40 PM

    Yeah, I should have given the chicken to the trick 'o treaters on the 31st and told them to eat it fast before it expired. oh well.

  10. jules9:52 PM

    I said something mean? About the chicken? I will gladly apologize if I hurt the chicken's feelings.

  11. jules9:21 AM

    Ok, listing here my official apology to Red Arrow. Here's why: I reread what he had to say and I still don't agree with it at all, specifically where he said, "Women want challenging, confident, mystery-engulfed men. Unfortunately, they are often unwilling or unable to tell you. Or maybe they're unwilling to face it."

    Maybe some women do, but I can aonly speak for myself when I say I never wanted that. I always want to know what page I'm on. Lots of women don't want a challenge. They want someone interesting, who provides entertaining, thought-provoking conversation, a guy they KNOW cares about them. Many of us don't care for too confident (which is, by the way, often a synonym for cocky with some men).

    Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended. It's so easy to be rude online!

  12. justin5:39 PM



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