Monday, January 23, 2006

Men, forgive me in advance- do yourself a favor, and just don't read this

Seriously, men, this is not for you. I really hope you can't relate to what I am aobut to say. In fact, if you can relate it is probably best if you keep it to yourself. I really don't think you want to read the rest of what I am about to say.

Ladies, the world has finally gone too far. Today I found myself in the intimate apparel section of a favorite store and I saw something that absolutely shocked me. 38D bras with padding and push-up enhancements. Why? Why? WHY? Why would anyone with a 38D need additional padding and push-up enhancements?!? Its just sitting there next to the 32A with padding and push-up enhancements like its not dwarfing its neighbor unfairly. Seriously, a 32A needs the padding and push-up enhancements, but a 38D?? Really, I beg you. Think about it.

What bras need are real names and real labels. Let's call it what it really is- help where you need it, "trying to be something you're not," "creating an illusion," and "making mountains out of molehills." And then there is the other side of the spectrum (the side i feel like i am on way too much these days), where the undergarments should come with assistance and features like "impact resistance," "gravity defiant straps," and "extra durable holding power."

Seriously, when was the last time the powers that be (whoever they are, and I better not find out they are all men) created a bra that actually had functionality and features that a woman wants? Without pain and discomfort? And without emptying the wallet? And who came up with the bright idea of designing them that way? There couldn't be a more comfortable solution?

And who designed them with seams and embroidery on the front? I mean I'm all for them being pretty and feminine (I'm keeping my mouth shut on the type I actually prefer), but there is nothing more annoying than a line right across the top. Why do they put them there? Is there no better place for a seam than in the front and center?? Its like the entire under clothing industry is working against us. Don't even get me started on thongs and g-strings. None of these are made for a woman's comfort, let alone fashion enhancement. They are made for men and what they think they want to see. (I'll keep my mouth shut about what men should want to see- which would include comfortable, happy women, and how men would get more of what they want if women were more comfortable and happier, but that isn't the point of what I am trying to say.)

So what am I trying to say? Mostly that I want to boycott the bra industry, except that I can't. And that there should be more truth in advertising, and that someday I want to see a bra with the label, "Industrial strength staying power- so you don't hurt yourself when you sit at tables."


  1. justin1:05 AM

    ok, I have to say it. If there's an inverse correlation between sexy underwear and happy women, mormon women must be the happiness women in the world!

  2. justin1:12 AM

    I bet this guy knows a thing or two about uncomfortable underwear.

    You definitely could use him on your team!


    You need this catalog. Trust me.

  4. maybe i shouldn't comment. i really hope the men aren't reading this, but sometimes when you are a 38d, a little shaping is not unwelcome. and truth be told, you HAVE to have a little padding, or you run into the 'headlights' problem when it gets a little too chilly.

    don't mean to be graphic, but there actually is a reason.

    at least for that. i don't get the seam thing either.

  5. (I can't believe I started this line of conversation. What was I thinking?)
    I get the headlights thing. So why can't they make it out of super industrial strength lycra or something? But padding? There has to be something more useful. Because nothing is worse than dents in a padded bra. Particularly when you didn't need a padded bra, just better shaping and molding...

  6. sistyugler2:03 PM

    I love it! You could even name one "Gravity Defying Lift Bra". I think the blonde lady on 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' owns one. Gravity Defying for sure. You should polish that thought up and send it in to a girly magazine. I think it has potential for publishing.

  7. justin3:13 PM

    So, if I decided I needed a little extra support up there, should I go with a mansiere or a bro?

  8. I'd like one "Industrial strength staying power" bra in white, please.

  9. Jules5:20 PM

    Justin--are you really coming out and admitting you have man boobs???

  10. justin6:37 PM

    Jules, always with the hurtful accusations and insinuations! The above comment could refer to any man who needs a little help and is secure enough in his masculinity to seek it.

    As for me, possibly the only thing better than my pects are my glutes ;-)

    Got me thinking though. Why do flat chested women wear bras? It's kind of pointless isn't it.

    "You want me to wear a bra?"
    "No, no, a bra is for ladies. Meet the Bro!"
    "Bro's no good. Too ethnic."
    "You got something better?"
    "How about the Mansiere?"
    "That's right. A brassiere for a man."

  11. Time to turn off the Seinfeld reruns and take Justin bra shopping. Oops, I meant BRO shopping.

    And you know me. Always making snarky comments as I hide behind the computer.

  12. Did my sister really just suggest I write for a girly magazine? I wonder if she knows that magazines for women are not called girly mags. And that porn mags are called girly mags... But then again, this blog could go either way...

  13. originally posted by justin "Got me thinking though. Why do flat chested women wear bras? It's kind of pointless isn't it."

    Um... well, to make them look like boobs.
    Unless you're in really good shape, and they're nice and firm and tight, they don't look great just hanging there in a t-shirt.

    I'd recommend closer study of breasts... but you're mormon!


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