Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Open Letter To My Neighbors

Dear Neighbor:

Let me be the first to welcome you to the neighborhood. As you may have noticed we have rather thick walls, which will keep you from hearing many sounds in my apartment. The only sounds that really seem to travel through our walls are nailing. And I have noticed that you seem to like to nail things in the kitchen every Sunday afternoon, late Saturday nights, and the occasional Friday afternoon. I have also noticed the exuberance with which you nail things. The energy you put into the nailing shakes right through the kitchen wall sometimes! And the cheering- wow! Judging by the cheers that erupt climactically from your side of the wall, you must be really good at the nailing. Do you do it professionally?

I was wondering if in the name of good neighborly relations you could warn me before you nail anything else in the kitchen. Just last week when it sounded like you were using a jackhammer on the counter and your cheerleader was really excited, some of the glasses in my cabinet actually fell and broke. Since I have a rather limited supply of glasses I'd appreciate being warned before any more makeouts, I mean makeovers, occur in the kitchen.

If I ever decide to nail someone, I mean something, in the kitchen, I'll be sure to return the favor.


Personal Best

I reached an all-time personal best bowling score last night- 59! And proved to the group that my trademark upside-down and backwards "between the legs" method works. 2 strikes baby!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Pick Your Own Adventure

I keep thinking about the "pick your own adventure" books of my childhood. Do you remember those? You would read a chapter or two and then when the main character would come to a big decision you could pick for them. Should she go into the cave? Turn to page 53. Go and ask for help? Turn to page 18. Forget she ever saw a leprechaun and go home for dinner? Close the book and get an imagination.
It feels like life has turned into a "pick your own adventure" book. But life has always been a "pick your own adventure" book, hasn't it? Maybe its just the realization of how much of my future I can and do control (and the frustrations of how much of it I can't control). But I can't stop thinking about the options of the future, and what I want my life to hold, and wondering how I will get there.
I had a fun conversation with a certain friend this week about "going there in your head." Girls can't help but "go there" in their heads sometimes. You meet a guy and you can't help but "go there" in your head and can instantly picture the future and what your life would hold there. This is something that can happen within a split second of meeting someone. A conversation or reality with this man has nothing to do with whether or not you "go there in your head." There are plenty of times when it takes a few days of meshing things around in your head, but then it will finally click! and you know you could do it. (this would include having to say things such as "i'd be married to a bus driver...") But the point is, whether or not we have ever been on date with said bus driver, we have now gone there in our heads and we know that we can go on a date with him because we are okay with where the future might lead.

I have a theory that guys "go there" as well, but don't admit it. But I also think guys go there for girls and assume the girl wouldn't want what he has to offer, or wouldn't like what he could provide, or that she's not game enough to try. Which bottom line, is why guys are dumb. (Wow, I really can't go a whole week without saying that, can I?) Guys, boys, men, whatever you call them, rarely give women, girls, ladies, females, etc. the benefit of the doubt or the credit for the sacrifices they will make- when given the chance. They have gone there in their heads and therefore are now prepared for the challenge.
So back to the picking of adventures and writing of my own book. I'm in over my head right, or maybe better put, completely lost in my own head with options, etc. There are so many great options facing me right now and I've "gone there in my head" to the point where its only going to break my heart if I have to take option "D" and just turn the page. I want to pick story line A and jump ahead to the page where the heroine has her own house, a better car, fun hobbies, fabulous friends, and a man to share it with. But what if she can't control the factors to option A and she has to settle for D and turning the page always waiting for the story to throw her a new option? She has looked ahead at what options A, B, and C could bring, and they all look so fun. She's gone there in her head. She knows she could live those lifestyles. But if she can't pick those options, can she get them back out of her head?

A rubber chicken has made my whole week

SI.com - 2006 Winter Olympics - Streaker interrupts curling bronze-medal match - Friday February 24, 2006 3:54PM
This story has just made my whole week. Because what could be funnier than a strategically placed rubber chicken?! If I could read the website so elegantly written upon his belly, I would frequent it. But sadly, his advertising did not work on this customer.

Of course, I am still wondering what is on his head and why he bothered with shoes...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

stupid ball

I am a big believer in “he’s just not that into you” and “the ball’s in your court.” I wasn’t always so simple and accommodating. I have endured my fair share of years obsessing, stalking, whining, and pining. But somewhere in there I finally learned to stop worrying so much about it and just move on. This is easier said than done with some guys.
But it still just bugs me sometimes. When do you just let it go? When do you give them a chance to come through for you? Especially when everything has been great so far. All is going well. No signs of trouble ahead at all. But it is all still very initial and simple. And then they turn into Houdini and just vanish. Nothing. No clue as to why. You can make excuses for them- busy, weekend, work, etc. And you do know that in this case it is all true. It isn’t reaching to make those excuses for him. But if he were “into you” he would have found the time, right? If you initiate contact are you a stalker? The ball was clearly left in his court. Has he just not been back to the court lately? Cause there’s been bad weather, and maybe that kept him away from the playing field? Its possible. But if he really liked that ball a little bad weather wouldn’t have stopped him from going back to get it. Or was he looking the other direction and just didn’t see the ball drop squarely in front of him? Or is the weather just fine and the ball is being intentionally left alone in the middle of the field while he decides whether or not he wants it? Or worse, did he see the ball fall there and then just kicked it off the field?

"He's just not that into you" and the "ball is in his court" never really do work, do they?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Confessions of a Sleepwalker

I am a sleepwalker. There, I've said it. But it doesn't actually make me feel better. As a sleepwalker I have learned to take certain precautions in my lifestyle so as to prevent any unfortunate mishaps in my sleep. This includes making sure there are no writing utensils within reach of my bed when I fall asleep (because I once woke up to illegible scribble and the word "forget" all over my arm), no sharp objects (because it just seems wise), no phone (because I have been known to make phone calls in my sleep), etc. More than once I have "woken up" in the middle of the night in my own living room watching TV, or better put, staring cluelessly at the remote. I have also found myself looking into the refrigerator, standing in the shower fully clothed, and only once, in my car, still in my pajamas, feeling very confused. On the bright side, the car wasn't running.

There have been other incidents that weren't necessarily sleepwalking, but I don't know what else they could have been. There was the Great Duck Massacre of 1997 that my roommates will never forget. (No ducks were actually massacred- but only because the coat hangar I attempted to shoot at them was merely a coat hangar and not a shotgun.) Or the time at Girls Camp when I woke up put on a raincoat and got back in bed. Or the time I attempted to break into a neighbor's house in the middle of the night. (okay maybe that time really was sleepwalking) But mostly I just wake up in the morning to find something out of place, or with a sense that something is wrong. Such was the case this morning.

Last night before I went to bed I packed my briefcase, etc. for work. I am really not a morning person so I make sure everything is done before I go to bed- clothes laid out, lunch packed, briefcase at the ready. So I know everything was ready to go. But just as I was leaving this morning I quickly checked my briefcase to make sure my firewire was in the front pocket. But it wasn't. I was running late as usual, so I hurriedly ran around my room checking for it. But I couldn't find it anywhere. I gave up and went to work, hoping I wouldn't need my firewire today.

Usually when I have been sleepwalking there is a big clue, or at least a feeling that I have been wandering about unconscious. Most of the time the clue is pretty obvious such as waking up to find a shoe in my bed, or a dish randomly placed in the middle of the floor. And unlike most sleepwalkers, I generally have a "strange memory" of the experience. This morning I had none of that. I didn't think much of the missing essential. Maybe I just forgot to pack it?

Well, no luck. I got home from work and the gym tonight and sorted my laundry. And there, deep in the depths of my darks, was the firewire. How it got there I will never know. Its a firewire, it didn't just get there on its own. And there is no way it could have just accidentally fallen in there. The only plausible explanation is that I am sleepwalking again.

So after you have finished wondering what on earth I was thinking about that I would tuck a firewire deep into my laundry, please lock up your valuables and ignore any strange phone calls you may get from me in the middle of the night. Erin the Sleepwalker is back.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

What Han Solo, Chocolate Shakes, and the Nap I am About to Take Have in Common

Ten years after having your gall blader removed, you can still have a full blown gall bladder attack. And it can hurt worse than before. But a Star Wars sticker and a milkshake can make it feel better. And now you can get great painkillers and anti-spasmodics for it. But hopefully not too anti-spasmodic, because what fun would it be to not be a spaz?

A little like the leaves on a tree

A little like the leaves on the tree outside I am frozen in time. Last week's unusual warmth and sunshine caused a few trees to prematurely blossom. Unaware of the consequences that their premature blooming would bring, they freely sporuted happiness for the world to see. Little tiny buds willing to show signs of life in the midst of an otherwise gloomy winter. Little did they know that the real cycle of life would return (global warming be damned) and the freezing, depressing temperatures would overtake them. And now they hang on the tree in their premature happiness, frozen, suspended in time. They dared to show their true colors, allowed life to breathe, and now they must pay the consequences for their actions. They never do learn their lesson. It happens over and over again- premature blooming, color, and happiness only to get snatched away. And so I sit, just like the leaves on the tree, frozen in time. I showed my happiness, my eagerness, and my willingness to bask in the sunshine. I was wrong to do so. I prematurely bloomed into the happiness and now I must pay the price.

Friday, February 17, 2006

best response in a while

Occasionally our Single Thought Column can generate some fun responses. This one has to be one of my favorite ones in a very long time.

Maybe I've led a sheltered life or grew up in the wrong part of the country but I gotta have someone explain "Anyone with a watermelon and a few hours of spare time can become a great kisser."

Signed- Ken from Council Bluffs.

There goes the Beach Boys and their theories about the midwest farmer's daughters.

Things I Learned Today

Things I learned today (other than the odd misconceptions about Mormons)...

In yoga, the "Cobra" pose is just evil.

I apparently have very open and flexible hips.

Three mushroom soup is disgusting, in spite of what the nice man at the store said.

I will be doing more traveling than I expected in the next few months.

My insomnia has returned full force.

I have a map addiction. I can spend as much time staring at a calendar as I can at a map.

What I really want to do is live on a boat.

When I grow up, I want to have a maid and a donkey.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Best "Mormon" Question Yet

As the sole Mormon in my place of employment I frequently get asked the oddest of questions at the most bizarre of times. Today while in a training meeting I snuck out to get a second Diet Dr Pepper to sustain me. The training session was horribly boring in a dark room with a monotone teacher. The Diet Dr P was a necessity. And anyone who works with me knows I consider it the netcar of life. (And anyone who has ever been in a restaurant with me knows I abhor Diet Pepsi, and not just because of their commercials.)
Out of nowhere a man I hardly know leans over and says, "I thought you were Mormon." I smile, I nod. "Are you a bad Mormon?" I smile, I consider nodding, but instead shake my head in the negative. I prepare to defend my drinking habits. "It is true you can't get married until you have two year's worth of food in your house?"
Now obviously, I expected the caffeine/coffee discussion. But then I expected it to be a mission question. But a food storage and marriage question?? That was a first. I first swallowed the nectar of life before answering him, although I nearly choked and spit in on him. My pause gave him just enough time to ask the next impossible question. "Is that why you are still single?"

(For the non-Mormons reading this the answer to both of his questions is a big fat no.)

Now I've heard some strange ones in my day. But this one was new to me. Has anyone else ever heard this one? Anyone have any good fallacies of their own? I'd love to hear them.

Oh, and just for the record, I set the guy straight. And set the girl next to us straight when she asked if its true that Mormons kill gay people...

Ay yi yi...

Now back to my regularly scheduled day of scheduling events and staring out the window at the beautiful sunny weather we shouldn't be enjoying in mid-February.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

pictures our mother could love

All of the following pictures were taken solely for our mother's entertainment. (And maybe a little for our own amusement as well.)

Proof we went to visit Toby Keith

Steve doing his Toby Keith impersonation (although I still maintain he looks like Garth Brooks).

"Hi Mom!"

Monday, February 13, 2006

More pics

And here are some pics from Saturday night at the HH Brown shoe company party.

Please meet my latest boyfriend. I call him Gor.

Gor scared me so I hid behind the big stars.

Speaking of big stars, here we are posing at the Oscars.

Fun Pics

Here's some fun pics from Friday night when we went out to the Stratosphere restaurant and took a few fun pics. Its a restaurant WAY above the entire city of Vegas, and it slowly revolves around. Amazing expensive food. And FABULOUS company.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Stays in Vegas?

Sorry for the lack of posts. All I can say is one of the things "staying in Vegas" will be my evil Gateway laptop. It has crashed and burned AGAIN. Why must it do that every time I have a long business trip??
Highlights thus far- dancing with my sister in a club in Vegas, kissing Elton John, dinner in the Stratosphere, just getting to see my sister and brother in law again, and a few other things. Just how alike are my sister and me? We showed up (unplanned) in IDENTICAL dresses for dinner last night. We live on opposite sides of the country and haven't seen each other in 7 months, but we both somehow bought the same exact dress.
This trip has been a killer so far. The trade show hours are brutal, and (I guess this is a good thing) our booth has been slammed with people nonstop. The jet lag has been cruel as well. Oh and then there was this tiny hotel security incident involving someone using my room while I was gone. What did the hotel offer me after someone came in, left things on the floor, and used the bathroom (leaving behind gross evidence)? A free drink at the bar. They ask me to fill out a security report and apologize for someone breaking and entering in my room (I only thought maybe the maid was lazy), and all they offer me is a drink in the bar?! Whatever. I'm not an event planner for nothing. Paris Hilton herself will be calling to apologize to me soon after I get done complaining.
Fun pictures and further explanations to come soon (when Gateway finally fixes my laptop- AGAIN). In the meantime, all you DC friends with nothing better to do in the white out conditions- write me people! (And the rest of you can write me too!) Hardy and Ruby- thanks for the attempt at a blog war. I wish I could check in often enough to spur it on. But let it suffice to say, long live Pride and Prejudice. Long live Jane Austen. And long live all knock off books based loosely on her writings.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Picky, Picky

Picky, Picky
This article could have been entitled "Erin's Reasons Why Not." But I suppose it would be in bad form to title something after a failed Heather Graham show. Doesn't change the fact that I identify with this article a wee bit too much. Its just too true. I could have written this same story for the "Single Thought" column and changed very little.

Just for fun, here are a few of the reasons I have either broke up with a guy, lost interest, stopped communicating, etc.

1. Granite. Instead of writing, "granted" he wrote "granite."
2. He told me he liked how smart I am. But I hadn't said anything even close to impressive yet. Clearly, he was not smart enough.
3. Nose hair.
4. Excessive arm hair.
5. Teeth that were so crooked and jagged that parts of them were never really clean.
6. Told me I had a cute butt. I don't. He was full of it. Willing to say anything to a girl as a compliment, even if it isn't true. How can you trust someone with no sincerity?
7. Worst kisser ever. Beyond hope. Couldn't be helped. (There's a reason people talk about "warm, soft kisses" and not "sharp hard pecks.")
8. Lowered his head closer to the table, and turned his head parallel to the plate while eating, so he could shovel the food into his mouth better. Most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I couldn't spend the rest of my life eating across the table from someone who eats like that.
9. Worked for the opposition party. Obviously, he had no self respect.
10. Car was too nice. Clearly he has messed up priorities if he's willing to live in a dump, wear beat up shoes, and yet drives a car worth more than my annual salary.
11. Told me he hates it when people call him a "beefcake." And obviously expected that I would defend "the people." Let's just say, I'm not Evita.

Your reasons "why not" are welcome here.

just a few last thoughts before heading out to vegas (baby)

First, I have to say how much I loved the Super Bowl ads this year. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at the commercials. My favorites were the "streaker sheep," the Whopperettes, and the magic fridge. I laughed so hard I cried. The next best part about the big game was that I watched it with my mom. We would call my dad down for some of the better commercials. But for the most part Mom and I watched it on TiVo, only stopping to watch replays and fast forwarding to ignore the officials talking. And of course, get to the commercials faster. Its unfortunate that hottie Hasselbeck didn't win.

Next, I have had an epiphany about my frustrations lately. I think half my problem has been that I've been home so much. I generally travel with my job every 2-3 weeks for a week or so. But I've been stuck in the office for nearly 3 months now (not including the personal trip to Europe). I think this is the problem. Suddenly I'm having to get used to being in the office long term, plus just learn to live at home long term. I've never spent this much time at home before and its killing me. So maybe after I finally get on the plane and the real stress begins in Vegas things will get better. The travel schedule gets pretty hectic after that, and I have to say, I'm looking forward to it.

And since some people have mentioned or noted the new ad above, I should probably acknowledge it to. Its just an experiment. I want to see how many years I have to have it up there before I ever make any money off of it. I only make a penny everytime someone actually clicks on it. And they don't pay you till you get $50. So I'm thinking 10 years or so before any of my friends actually see something interesting enough to click on.

If anyone was curious, or willing to contribute, there's an interesting response debate going on below this one in "what it means to be a single woman." A new hater doesn't quite grasp the concept. And a new person (TRS- welcome, don't know who you are) agrees with me. And Hardy and Sherpa are just commenting on the beauties of blog wars.

Which brings me to the "Best of the Web From Where I Sit." I feel like giving a few shout outs today. Over on
Hardy's blog' we are debating Pete Ashdown's run for the Senate. He's a democrat running against Sen Hatch (R-UT), and is pretty much a one note candidate (intellectual properties). Over on Tara's blog' you can have fun mocking her and her pending nuptials (and maybe even suggest a groom). Keli is due with Baby Girl #2 any day now. Rebekah' has ended her chemo treatments (yeah!). And the other blogs are as wonderful as always.

Friday, February 03, 2006

What it means to be a single woman today.

Alone time takes on a whole new meaning. You spend every day alone whether you want to be or not. And then you meet someone. Someone potentially great. And you remember that you don't want to be alone, even though you have perfected the art. But then you get the chance to not be alone, and you forget all about art. Who needs art anyway? Until painfully, suddenly, obviously, you realize the truth. You have spent years acquiring a taste for art you never really wanted. You sold the art off in a heartbeat at auction. But then something close to the reverse of buyer's remorse kicks in. You wanted the money, and you wanted to be rid of the art. But you realize you didn't sell to the right buyer. So you have to buy your own art back. Hang the art back up. Maybe put it in different places. Learn to appreciate art all over again. Pretend you don't hate art as much in new frames.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

random thoughts from a tired girl

I'm exhausted. That is all there is to it. Today I had 3 very large Diet Dr Peppers, plenty of sleep, decent calorie consumption, and yet its 10:21 pm and I can barely function. With SHOT Show looming over my head, plus the rest of my general life to contend with, I am getting very worn out. On the bright side, by this time next week I will have been in Vegas for 3 days, nearly on the right time schedule, and most of the trade show fires should be settled. I think knowing that I am this tired before we even get to the show site is killing me. Next week is going to be even more exhausting. But for all of you happy blog readers, you will be happy to learn that there will undoubtedly be lots of pictures and fun blogs from the show site.
In the meantime, I was cleaning up my hard drive today and found some random pictures. So until I have something interesting to say, enjoy the picture of my 31st birthday cake. And please note how my sister couldn't find a "3" so instead she cut an "8" in half. Clever, yes. But didn't do much to not make me feel so old.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

still hurting

i've lost count of all the advil and aleve i have taken. i have tried everything. my back still hurts. i need vicodin and a good massage.
is it just me or have i had a rough 4 weeks?? the great eyeball tragedy, mono, and now this? good grief! i turned 31 and my body fell apart. this sucks! can i just roll back the odometer and take a few miles off the wear and tear? i don't like this "old" thing.

Working Girl

Recently, I've been picking up work as a background extra on various projects. In the past month or so I've worked on 3 different m...

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