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Showing posts from February, 2006

Open Letter To My Neighbors

Dear Neighbor:

Let me be the first to welcome you to the neighborhood. As you may have noticed we have rather thick walls, which will keep you from hearing many sounds in my apartment. The only sounds that really seem to travel through our walls are nailing. And I have noticed that you seem to like to nail things in the kitchen every Sunday afternoon, late Saturday nights, and the occasional Friday afternoon. I have also noticed the exuberance with which you nail things. The energy you put into the nailing shakes right through the kitchen wall sometimes! And the cheering- wow! Judging by the cheers that erupt climactically from your side of the wall, you must be really good at the nailing. Do you do it professionally?

I was wondering if in the name of good neighborly relations you could warn me before you nail anything else in the kitchen. Just last week when it sounded like you were using a jackhammer on the counter and your cheerleader was really excited, some of the glasses …

Personal Best

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I reached an all-time personal best bowling score last night- 59! And proved to the group that my trademark upside-down and backwards "between the legs" method works. 2 strikes baby!

Pick Your Own Adventure

I keep thinking about the "pick your own adventure" books of my childhood. Do you remember those? You would read a chapter or two and then when the main character would come to a big decision you could pick for them. Should she go into the cave? Turn to page 53. Go and ask for help? Turn to page 18. Forget she ever saw a leprechaun and go home for dinner? Close the book and get an imagination.
It feels like life has turned into a "pick your own adventure" book. But life has always been a "pick your own adventure" book, hasn't it? Maybe its just the realization of how much of my future I can and do control (and the frustrations of how much of it I can't control). But I can't stop thinking about the options of the future, and what I want my life to hold, and wondering how I will get there.
I had a fun conversation with a certain friend this week about "going there in your head." Girls can't help but "go there" in their head…

A rubber chicken has made my whole week

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SI.com - 2006 Winter Olympics - Streaker interrupts curling bronze-medal match - Friday February 24, 2006 3:54PM
This story has just made my whole week. Because what could be funnier than a strategically placed rubber chicken?! If I could read the website so elegantly written upon his belly, I would frequent it. But sadly, his advertising did not work on this customer.
Of course, I am still wondering what is on his head and why he bothered with shoes...

stupid ball

I am a big believer in “he’s just not that into you” and “the ball’s in your court.” I wasn’t always so simple and accommodating. I have endured my fair share of years obsessing, stalking, whining, and pining. But somewhere in there I finally learned to stop worrying so much about it and just move on. This is easier said than done with some guys.
But it still just bugs me sometimes. When do you just let it go? When do you give them a chance to come through for you? Especially when everything has been great so far. All is going well. No signs of trouble ahead at all. But it is all still very initial and simple. And then they turn into Houdini and just vanish. Nothing. No clue as to why. You can make excuses for them- busy, weekend, work, etc. And you do know that in this case it is all true. It isn’t reaching to make those excuses for him. But if he were “into you” he would have found the time, right? If you initiate contact are you a stalker? The ball was clearly lef…

Confessions of a Sleepwalker

I am a sleepwalker. There, I've said it. But it doesn't actually make me feel better. As a sleepwalker I have learned to take certain precautions in my lifestyle so as to prevent any unfortunate mishaps in my sleep. This includes making sure there are no writing utensils within reach of my bed when I fall asleep (because I once woke up to illegible scribble and the word "forget" all over my arm), no sharp objects (because it just seems wise), no phone (because I have been known to make phone calls in my sleep), etc. More than once I have "woken up" in the middle of the night in my own living room watching TV, or better put, staring cluelessly at the remote. I have also found myself looking into the refrigerator, standing in the shower fully clothed, and only once, in my car, still in my pajamas, feeling very confused. On the bright side, the car wasn't running.

There have been other incidents that weren't necessarily sleepwalking, but I don&#…

What Han Solo, Chocolate Shakes, and the Nap I am About to Take Have in Common

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Ten years after having your gall blader removed, you can still have a full blown gall bladder attack. And it can hurt worse than before. But a Star Wars sticker and a milkshake can make it feel better. And now you can get great painkillers and anti-spasmodics for it. But hopefully not too anti-spasmodic, because what fun would it be to not be a spaz?

A little like the leaves on a tree

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A little like the leaves on the tree outside I am frozen in time. Last week's unusual warmth and sunshine caused a few trees to prematurely blossom. Unaware of the consequences that their premature blooming would bring, they freely sporuted happiness for the world to see. Little tiny buds willing to show signs of life in the midst of an otherwise gloomy winter. Little did they know that the real cycle of life would return (global warming be damned) and the freezing, depressing temperatures would overtake them. And now they hang on the tree in their premature happiness, frozen, suspended in time. They dared to show their true colors, allowed life to breathe, and now they must pay the consequences for their actions. They never do learn their lesson. It happens over and over again- premature blooming, color, and happiness only to get snatched away. And so I sit, just like the leaves on the tree, frozen in time. I showed my happiness, my eagerness, and my willingness to bask in the …

best response in a while

Occasionally our Single Thought Column can generate some fun responses. This one has to be one of my favorite ones in a very long time.

Maybe I've led a sheltered life or grew up in the wrong part of the country but I gotta have someone explain "Anyone with a watermelon and a few hours of spare time can become a great kisser."
Signed- Ken from Council Bluffs.

There goes the Beach Boys and their theories about the midwest farmer's daughters.

Things I Learned Today

Things I learned today (other than the odd misconceptions about Mormons)...

In yoga, the "Cobra" pose is just evil.

I apparently have very open and flexible hips.

Three mushroom soup is disgusting, in spite of what the nice man at the store said.

I will be doing more traveling than I expected in the next few months.

My insomnia has returned full force.

I have a map addiction. I can spend as much time staring at a calendar as I can at a map.

What I really want to do is live on a boat.

When I grow up, I want to have a maid and a donkey.

Best "Mormon" Question Yet

As the sole Mormon in my place of employment I frequently get asked the oddest of questions at the most bizarre of times. Today while in a training meeting I snuck out to get a second Diet Dr Pepper to sustain me. The training session was horribly boring in a dark room with a monotone teacher. The Diet Dr P was a necessity. And anyone who works with me knows I consider it the netcar of life. (And anyone who has ever been in a restaurant with me knows I abhor Diet Pepsi, and not just because of their commercials.)
Out of nowhere a man I hardly know leans over and says, "I thought you were Mormon." I smile, I nod. "Are you a bad Mormon?" I smile, I consider nodding, but instead shake my head in the negative. I prepare to defend my drinking habits. "It is true you can't get married until you have two year's worth of food in your house?"
Now obviously, I expected the caffeine/coffee discussion. But then I expected it to be a mission question.…

pictures our mother could love

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All of the following pictures were taken solely for our mother's entertainment. (And maybe a little for our own amusement as well.)



Proof we went to visit Toby Keith











Steve doing his Toby Keith impersonation (although I still maintain he looks like Garth Brooks).


















"Hi Mom!"

More pics

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And here are some pics from Saturday night at the HH Brown shoe company party.



Please meet my latest boyfriend. I call him Gor.














Gor scared me so I hid behind the big stars.


















Speaking of big stars, here we are posing at the Oscars.

Fun Pics

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Here's some fun pics from Friday night when we went out to the Stratosphere restaurant and took a few fun pics. Its a restaurant WAY above the entire city of Vegas, and it slowly revolves around. Amazing expensive food. And FABULOUS company.

Stays in Vegas?

Sorry for the lack of posts. All I can say is one of the things "staying in Vegas" will be my evil Gateway laptop. It has crashed and burned AGAIN. Why must it do that every time I have a long business trip??
Highlights thus far- dancing with my sister in a club in Vegas, kissing Elton John, dinner in the Stratosphere, just getting to see my sister and brother in law again, and a few other things. Just how alike are my sister and me? We showed up (unplanned) in IDENTICAL dresses for dinner last night. We live on opposite sides of the country and haven't seen each other in 7 months, but we both somehow bought the same exact dress.
This trip has been a killer so far. The trade show hours are brutal, and (I guess this is a good thing) our booth has been slammed with people nonstop. The jet lag has been cruel as well. Oh and then there was this tiny hotel security incident involving someone using my room while I was gone. What did the hotel offer me after someone …

Picky, Picky

Picky, Picky
This article could have been entitled "Erin's Reasons Why Not." But I suppose it would be in bad form to title something after a failed Heather Graham show. Doesn't change the fact that I identify with this article a wee bit too much. Its just too true. I could have written this same story for the "Single Thought" column and changed very little.

Just for fun, here are a few of the reasons I have either broke up with a guy, lost interest, stopped communicating, etc.

1. Granite. Instead of writing, "granted" he wrote "granite."
2. He told me he liked how smart I am. But I hadn't said anything even close to impressive yet. Clearly, he was not smart enough.
3. Nose hair.
4. Excessive arm hair.
5. Teeth that were so crooked and jagged that parts of them were never really clean.
6. Told me I had a cute butt. I don't. He was full of it. Willing to say anything to a girl as a compliment, even if it isn't true. How can you trust …

just a few last thoughts before heading out to vegas (baby)

First, I have to say how much I loved the Super Bowl ads this year. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at the commercials. My favorites were the "streaker sheep," the Whopperettes, and the magic fridge. I laughed so hard I cried. The next best part about the big game was that I watched it with my mom. We would call my dad down for some of the better commercials. But for the most part Mom and I watched it on TiVo, only stopping to watch replays and fast forwarding to ignore the officials talking. And of course, get to the commercials faster. Its unfortunate that hottie Hasselbeck didn't win.

Next, I have had an epiphany about my frustrations lately. I think half my problem has been that I've been home so much. I generally travel with my job every 2-3 weeks for a week or so. But I've been stuck in the office for nearly 3 months now (not including the personal trip to Europe). I think this is the problem. Suddenly I'm having to get used to bei…

What it means to be a single woman today.

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Alone time takes on a whole new meaning. You spend every day alone whether you want to be or not. And then you meet someone. Someone potentially great. And you remember that you don't want to be alone, even though you have perfected the art. But then you get the chance to not be alone, and you forget all about art. Who needs art anyway? Until painfully, suddenly, obviously, you realize the truth. You have spent years acquiring a taste for art you never really wanted. You sold the art off in a heartbeat at auction. But then something close to the reverse of buyer's remorse kicks in. You wanted the money, and you wanted to be rid of the art. But you realize you didn't sell to the right buyer. So you have to buy your own art back. Hang the art back up. Maybe put it in different places. Learn to appreciate art all over again. Pretend you don't hate art as much in new frames.

random thoughts from a tired girl

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I'm exhausted. That is all there is to it. Today I had 3 very large Diet Dr Peppers, plenty of sleep, decent calorie consumption, and yet its 10:21 pm and I can barely function. With SHOT Show looming over my head, plus the rest of my general life to contend with, I am getting very worn out. On the bright side, by this time next week I will have been in Vegas for 3 days, nearly on the right time schedule, and most of the trade show fires should be settled. I think knowing that I am this tired before we even get to the show site is killing me. Next week is going to be even more exhausting. But for all of you happy blog readers, you will be happy to learn that there will undoubtedly be lots of pictures and fun blogs from the show site.
In the meantime, I was cleaning up my hard drive today and found some random pictures. So until I have something interesting to say, enjoy the picture of my 31st birthday cake. And please note how my sister couldn't find a "3" so instead …

still hurting

i've lost count of all the advil and aleve i have taken. i have tried everything. my back still hurts. i need vicodin and a good massage.
is it just me or have i had a rough 4 weeks?? the great eyeball tragedy, mono, and now this? good grief! i turned 31 and my body fell apart. this sucks! can i just roll back the odometer and take a few miles off the wear and tear? i don't like this "old" thing.