Friday, February 24, 2006

Pick Your Own Adventure

I keep thinking about the "pick your own adventure" books of my childhood. Do you remember those? You would read a chapter or two and then when the main character would come to a big decision you could pick for them. Should she go into the cave? Turn to page 53. Go and ask for help? Turn to page 18. Forget she ever saw a leprechaun and go home for dinner? Close the book and get an imagination.
It feels like life has turned into a "pick your own adventure" book. But life has always been a "pick your own adventure" book, hasn't it? Maybe its just the realization of how much of my future I can and do control (and the frustrations of how much of it I can't control). But I can't stop thinking about the options of the future, and what I want my life to hold, and wondering how I will get there.
I had a fun conversation with a certain friend this week about "going there in your head." Girls can't help but "go there" in their heads sometimes. You meet a guy and you can't help but "go there" in your head and can instantly picture the future and what your life would hold there. This is something that can happen within a split second of meeting someone. A conversation or reality with this man has nothing to do with whether or not you "go there in your head." There are plenty of times when it takes a few days of meshing things around in your head, but then it will finally click! and you know you could do it. (this would include having to say things such as "i'd be married to a bus driver...") But the point is, whether or not we have ever been on date with said bus driver, we have now gone there in our heads and we know that we can go on a date with him because we are okay with where the future might lead.

I have a theory that guys "go there" as well, but don't admit it. But I also think guys go there for girls and assume the girl wouldn't want what he has to offer, or wouldn't like what he could provide, or that she's not game enough to try. Which bottom line, is why guys are dumb. (Wow, I really can't go a whole week without saying that, can I?) Guys, boys, men, whatever you call them, rarely give women, girls, ladies, females, etc. the benefit of the doubt or the credit for the sacrifices they will make- when given the chance. They have gone there in their heads and therefore are now prepared for the challenge.
So back to the picking of adventures and writing of my own book. I'm in over my head right, or maybe better put, completely lost in my own head with options, etc. There are so many great options facing me right now and I've "gone there in my head" to the point where its only going to break my heart if I have to take option "D" and just turn the page. I want to pick story line A and jump ahead to the page where the heroine has her own house, a better car, fun hobbies, fabulous friends, and a man to share it with. But what if she can't control the factors to option A and she has to settle for D and turning the page always waiting for the story to throw her a new option? She has looked ahead at what options A, B, and C could bring, and they all look so fun. She's gone there in her head. She knows she could live those lifestyles. But if she can't pick those options, can she get them back out of her head?

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