Monday, February 06, 2006

Picky, Picky

Picky, Picky
This article could have been entitled "Erin's Reasons Why Not." But I suppose it would be in bad form to title something after a failed Heather Graham show. Doesn't change the fact that I identify with this article a wee bit too much. Its just too true. I could have written this same story for the "Single Thought" column and changed very little.

Just for fun, here are a few of the reasons I have either broke up with a guy, lost interest, stopped communicating, etc.

1. Granite. Instead of writing, "granted" he wrote "granite."
2. He told me he liked how smart I am. But I hadn't said anything even close to impressive yet. Clearly, he was not smart enough.
3. Nose hair.
4. Excessive arm hair.
5. Teeth that were so crooked and jagged that parts of them were never really clean.
6. Told me I had a cute butt. I don't. He was full of it. Willing to say anything to a girl as a compliment, even if it isn't true. How can you trust someone with no sincerity?
7. Worst kisser ever. Beyond hope. Couldn't be helped. (There's a reason people talk about "warm, soft kisses" and not "sharp hard pecks.")
8. Lowered his head closer to the table, and turned his head parallel to the plate while eating, so he could shovel the food into his mouth better. Most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I couldn't spend the rest of my life eating across the table from someone who eats like that.
9. Worked for the opposition party. Obviously, he had no self respect.
10. Car was too nice. Clearly he has messed up priorities if he's willing to live in a dump, wear beat up shoes, and yet drives a car worth more than my annual salary.
11. Told me he hates it when people call him a "beefcake." And obviously expected that I would defend "the people." Let's just say, I'm not Evita.


Your reasons "why not" are welcome here.

3 comments:

  1. justin1:30 PM

    Here's a composite drawing of Erin's former boyfriends.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I prefer the boyfriends that look more like this one

    ReplyDelete
  3. justin3:41 PM

    The naked guy from a Knight's Tale?

    ReplyDelete

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