Wednesday, April 19, 2006

i'm not good at mad

Sincerity is my new goal, right?
How do you sincerely explain how angry you are? How mad you are? How tired you are of playing the part of the good sport? How tired you are of pretending people don't hurt your feelings? Or making it clear you can't handle "just one more thing?"
I just don't know how to do it. I'm just so tired of it all. It's been building up for so long, and I vent it out (usually here) just long enough to re-group and buck up and take the next round of crap.
What do you do when you know you deserve better, but you just don't have it in you to fight for more because you just can't handle the rejection? You've had to put up with enough that the thought of getting rejected when you stand up for yourself is just too much?
What do you do when you've just reached the end? How do you make people start taking you seriously? And do it without getting so mad and frustrated that you just explode at them first?


  1. and how do you not pistol whip people when they tell you that you are overreacting because for once, you actually stopped letting someone walk all over you.

    are we living parallel lives?

  2. EXACTLY!!!!!! Call me passive aggressive, call me anything. I don't care. I'm explaining my emotions and feelings now when I think they are relevant. So get over whether or not it was appropriate timing for you. It was for me.
    And how do you tell someone, "I'm sorry but I have to end this now because when I told you I needed you, you deliberately chose not to be there for me?"

    (thanks tara)

  3. I think you've got your phrasing right there on that last one, Erin. And rather than exploding, find a way to firmly but quietly stand your ground. This will help you in the long run to become known as a girl who doesn't take crap. Otherwise, you'll probably feel like you're on an endless cycle of holding it all in till you explode.

    I think that developing habits of being able to communicate what you need is so important in any relationship, especially a romantic one. Granted, I'm 31 and still single, so communicating what I need basically just weeds out the ones who'd have dragged me along longer had I let them, but that said, it gave me more time for more important things than them! But as far as friendships go, it's really made a difference and helped me feel like an equal.

    For example, I've always been the friend that keeps in touch. After a while, it got to the point where I felt like they were just tolerating my phone calls/emails, and I basically told a choice few who were being ultra lazy that I needed them to also get in touch with me, because I was afraid we'd lose touch otherwise. A few started doing their part, and a few faded into history. Those that stayed are the ones worth keeping.

    Not that the others weren't worthy and good as friends while the season of that friendship lasted, but if they aren't willing to do their part, I had to let it go, and stand up to them if they complained they never heard from me even though they never contact me.

    Same goes for my family, except that I just let it go six months at a time before calling and asking if anyone's died, since they never call me.


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