Saturday, April 08, 2006
Do you ever feel like you don't get to think enough? Use the analytical parts of your brain enough? Or that you play a trivial role in the universe? Or that you are just stuck in a non-progressive rut?
I can't shake this feeling lately like I'm just a nut, not even a bolt, in the big machine of life. I just do my little part, and will likely not leave an imprint on the earth when I am gone. I'm not a big fan of this feeling. I used to feel like I was involved and that I played a part in improving the world. Where did that girl go?
I used to be a smart girl with an analytical mind that met interesting people. Now, I fill out paperwork, play the role of 9-5, pay bills, and eat dinner out. I try to do "intelligent" things, such as read Newsweek and Time, rather than People, or buy biographies and Shakespeare rather than Nora Roberts. But what is the point of information gathering if it is stuck in your head? What is knowledge if it is not imparted or used wisely? What is the purpose of an education that is never exercised?
I am a smart person. I'm intelligent. I'm analytical. And I have a unique view on certain subjects. (Or at least I used to be. It's been so long now I'm not sure anymore.) But it's a light hidden under a bushel. It is something most will never see amongst the more entertaining conversations of boys, guns, TomKat, Brangelina, and this week's new movie. Where are the lively political debates of my past? Where is the girl who used to accept any challenge just for the personal growth? And where is the girl that was so adventurous and curious that she visited new countries alone, and got into mischevious scrapes?
I miss me.
I'm driving, but I'm going nowhere.
In completely unrelated events it is time for a "diet update." It has been 3 weeks of dieting, of which 2 were spent traveling. Traveling makes dieting and exercise next to impossible, but I did my best. And the last 2 days I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and vegetables. All of that and I have total lost 6 lbs. So I guess that is a good thing. 2 lbs a week with 8 weeks left to go. I just might make my goal. Speaking of the goal (Duck Beach) I still have some space left if someone needs a spot.
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