Saturday, May 06, 2006

Sweeping Generalizations

I'm going to tell you all the truth about dating, especially online dating, right here, right now. I am doing this because of the recurring conversations I have had with men lately that make me realize how precious little they understand women and what they want.

First, for all of their independence, strength, and so-called aloofness, all women do want to be swept off their feet. Maybe not in the instant you have met them, and probably not every time you see them. But at least once. Every woman wants one good sweeping. (Warning: some women will enjoy the sweeping so much that she will want it all the time. But this is a good thing for you. Think of how she responds to the sweeping and ask yourself if you want that sort of a happy woman around you all the time.) Why does she want the sweeping? Because when you sweep her off her feet she knows for sure in that one moment that you want her to want you.

Lately a particular friend (who won't let me out him) has complained about online "dating" and cited distance as the root of all his problems. He lives in a remote place where apparently the milk and honey just don't flow. So he's using the internet as a convenient way to be introduced to new women. He's met one that he's sincerely interested in. And all signs indicate she's sincerely interested back. But he's decided to just completely drop her. Why? Distance. She's just too far away. She has a good job. She's a happy person. He's not in a position where he could move to join her. Oh wait, do keep in mind they've only emailed and chatted a lot. They aren't actually dating. But yet, he's just stopped talking to her because he can't move to join her.

Um, what?

Hello! Absurdity!

Let's back up here. And return to the first topic of sweeping and women. Women want to be swept. They want to fall in love and fall hard. And they want to fall for a guy that is just so great and so sweeping that she won't ever have to think twice about leaving the world as she knows it and joining yours. I'm not saying that this always applies all the time. There are plenty of individual cases where the girl doesn't have the capacity to up and leave her life. But pretty much, every girl I know wants to be so swept that she wouldn't think twice.

Next, there isn't a girl alive who wants to live in denial. Men, if you don't know what you want, can't decide how much you want, or are basically bored with the girl, just tell her. No girl wants to keep sitting around not knowing why he doesn't call, why sometimes he wants to see her, and other times he blows her off, etc. As a general rule, as much as the thought makes you pee your pants, tell her what is going on in your head. She needs to hear it. For every day that you spend "just not talking to her today" she has spent that whole day wondering why you haven't talked to her. She has dreamed up every possible scenario to analyze why you didn't pass her in the hall at the usual time, why you didn't IM when you were online today, why you didn't call. And you know what? These scenarios run from the completely plausible (he was busy, he was home sick, he wasn't at his computer) to the absolutely absurd and panicked (he's quit his job because he never wants to see me again, he's blocked me, he's engaged to someone else, i'm too fat, i'm too ugly, etc.). She can seriously ruin her entire week over a missed routine lunch break all because you didn't have the guts to tell her, "I think you are great. I love eating lunch with you every day. But when I talk to you I realize I'm not sure I'm ready for a serious relationship with you." Or better yet, "You're cool. We should be friends."

Girls aren't that difficult. They just want to know what you think of them, and they just want to be swept off their feet. Never underestimate how far a girl is willing to go for you. You'd be amazed.


  1. justin2:53 PM

    Women want to be swept. They want to fall in love and fall hard. And they want to fall for a guy that is just so great and so sweeping that she won't ever have to think twice about leaving the world as she knows it and joining yours.

    And by the same token, men want to have their ears nibbled by a member of the swedish bikini team. Or better yet, have each ear nibbled by a different member of the swedish bikini team simultaneously. I'm not sure where I'm going with this other than to say that if you're scandinavian and look good in a bikini, please call me.

  2. jules3:46 PM

    Justin my boy, good luck with that one. I know at least one Swedish woman who would box your ears about now--she's fluent in 5 languages, blonde, gorgeous, going to Cambridge in the fall for her PhD, and one of the most spiritual LDS girls I know. And she's dating a Baptist because the Mormon guys are scared of her...and afraid she's just too smart to be swept away by them. No one understands that one good sweeping by an LDS guy is all she needs!

  3. just be nice to me, and not be a dork. Also, make a bit of an effort. I'm not even asking for a ton of an effort--I just don't want to feel like a reusable sex object.

    That is all.

  4. Girls are confusing.

    Nuff said.


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