My vacation state of mind has officially come to an end, and reality has set back in. This past week has been a painful reminder that no matter how well you polish the table, the scratch will always still be there. You can cover it up, but it will never truly disappear. If that is too poetic for you, let me try again.
Just because someone appears happy on the outside it doesn't mean there isn't scarring on the inside. Appearances are just illusions. A shell or covering if you will. And this week has been a reminder of that over and over again.
In the last few weeks my eyes have been opened to the intricacies of many types of relationships. One of the side effects of being a long-term single is getting good at independence. You learn to do everything for yourself, and not need other people to be there for you. You make your decisions based on what is best for you, because your decisions will rarely effect [profoundly] another person. I've been watching different friendships and how they interact. And as skeptical and cynical as it may sound, I always wonder how long a friendship will last like that. A person who is a close friend now will completely fall to the wayside when "love," or a new job, or money, enters the picture. I never consider it a waste of time to make a sacrifice for a friend, but when I see people making decisions based on how it might affect a friend, I tend to go from slightly cynical to full-blown cynical. But like I said, it is a side effect of getting good at being single. You get good at independence and you can't relate to people making decisions based on other people's needs or desires.
On a related note I had a discussion this week with various people on the same subject- at what point does a young woman of a certain age (let's say 31) stop sitting around doing the expected lifestyle while waiting for Mr. Right to appear and go out and make a life happen? Or does she ever do that? At what point do you stop thinking that your future life will involve marriage? When you have reached a point in your life where you can safely look at your past and start to predict your future and realize that a date on Friday, let alone a husband, is most likely not going to happen, why should she not pursue a career? Why shouldn't a single woman ever pursue a career? I can't remember the last time I met a girl who really did put off marriage in search of a career, but I know hundreds who put off getting good at a career just in case she met a good guy.
I'm a big advocate of thinking for yourself, taking ownership of your own ideas, actions, and beliefs. I hate it when I hear other people taking credit or passing the buck for creativity and ideas. Change is inevitable no matter how well you deny and/or procrastinate the day of its coming. You will never truly know the full story and sometimes you might just have it all wrong. But that doesn't stop the truth from sitting there in front of you waiting for you to accept it.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
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