Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Kenny Rogers is NOT a Frisky Sailor, but the nickname might stick

A particular candidate for THE LIST has been concerned for the last week about whether or not he is on THE LIST. He's been wondering if he is the Cowboy or not. I won't confirm or deny, but really, I'm a little insulted that he thinks I would be that unoriginal in nicknaming him. But then again, I thought he didn't read this blog, so maybe I didn't have to be so original?

Either way, we had a funny conversation today. For the sake of this conversation, he will be Kenny Rogers and I will be Dolly Parton.

Kenny Rogers: I had a weird dream about you last night. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all pervy on you here.

Dolly Parton (in her head): Dang it. (outloud) Okay.

Kenny Rogers: I had this dream that I was in your blog. You had created another "guy" list and I was labeled as the "Frisky Sailor." Which was odd because I am neither a sailor, nor have I been frisky.

Dolly searches in her head for a plausible reason for this dream. There is none.
Dolly Parton: Do you have a cat that eats Friskies? A cat named Sailor that eats Friskies? Which would be a dumb name for a cat, because cats hate water.

Kenny Rogers: Nope. But I was thinking of you and your blog before I went to sleep.

Dolly in her head only: As you should...

(What Kenny couldn't see was that Dolly got excited by that response. Most girls, Dolly or not, would. Little does Kenny know how much girls like those kinds of comments.)

Kenny Rogers: So that is probably what caused my strange dreams.

Dolly in her head: Never tell a girl you were thinking about her and then call it "strange."
Dolly Parton outloud: So what did I say about the Frisky Sailor?

Kenny Rogers: then for some reason in my dream I had braces again

Dolly in her head again: Aw, how cute.

Dolly Parton outloud: Were they the kind of braces with pink rubber bands around them? Cause those are hot.

Kenny Rogers: I don't remember what the description was just the title

Dolly Parton: hmm... not my best writing then... I'll have to work on my dream writing

Kenny Rogers: And in my dream I was like, "oh great, now I'm a freaking frisky sailor"

Dolly Parton: Well, which is worse? frisky sailor or cowboy

Kenny Rogers: Next time I'll give you back your "dream draft" with the appropriate corrections. And frisky sailor is way worse

Dolly Parton: I'd appreciate that, thanks. (Dolly pauses briefly.) A lot of sailors get lucky at fleet week. (Another Dolly pause.) I think that is coming up again soon .

Kenny Rogers: Well you had better clear your schedule then

Dolly Parton: Cleared.

Who knew a blog could invoke such dreams in a young man?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Happy Tara's Big Birthday Weekend

Happy Tara's 30th Birthday!
In honor of the special occasion, Tara, Corey, Jill and I (and multiple friends in spirit) took a little road trip down to Virginia Beach. And as should be expected with any trip involving Tara and/or Corey, dozens of pictures were taken, and all renditions will be found on the neighboring blogs.

We drove down Friday night and stayed at the Holiday Inn, right on the water. You know how on some road trips there's that unspoken stress of getting a group to agree on everything? One of the most fun parts of this trip was getting to say, "It's your birthday, Tara! You pick!" No need for a group consensus (not that we wouldn't have agreed with her. I'm sure we would have.), we always just had Tara pick. Not surprisingly, she picked laying out on the beach!

My tan needed some end of summer help, so I certainly couldn't complain!

We enjoyed the meager waves, crowds, sun, and sand for most of the day, and then decided to go explore the strip. That is when we got the brilliant plan for this.

After weighing multiple options all 4 of us got henna tattooes. (Sorry Corey that the one picture I got with your face in it your eyes are closed!)

Corey got some tribal art on his leg. Jill got a dragonfly on her ankle. (No upclose pic of Jill's.)

Tara got an ankle bracelet tat.

And I got a tramp stamp. (Gotta love those love handles!)

After the henna fun and joy there was more shopping, perusing, people watching, etc. And then of course, it was mini golf and more picture taking and documenting time.

Some pictures deserve no explanations. (Plus I'm sure their stories will appear on both Tara and Shaka/Corey's blogs soon too!)

Great trip, lots of fun! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TARA!! I promise, 30 isn't so bad!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Happy Anne Day

My Blackberry is MIA

Seriously, I just might die without my blackberry. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, and I am literally waiting for the dawn to shed some light inside my dark interior car. But I think it was stolen right out of my car while I was moving stuff last night.

Goodbye little blackberry, I'll miss you.

Also, sidenote to the people who email and call me on a regular basis. Don't.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Return of THE LIST

It has been brought to my attention by my dear reader, Anonymous, that I haven't blogged about my love life in a while. There are multiple reasons for this, starting with, I'm pretty sure most of the objects of my affection are possibly reading this blog. It makes it hard to say much about them, but I'm going to have fun trying anyway.

As usual, there is more than one guy on my list, and I'm not doing a good job of narrowing down the list. But I think that is what everyone enjoys mocking and reading about the most. So without further ado, I bring you-


*all names completely made up and make sense only to me*

Mr. Smith- Mr. Smith has been on my radar for a while, and things have finally started to move in an interesting direction. Every conversation with him I learn something more interesting and intriguing about him. He has a lot of potential, and the best part about him is that he makes it very clear he's interested back. It's been a while since I actually had a guy around that is easy to read. But it is way too soon to say what will happen with him.

The Cowboy- He's been on the list for considerably longer than most guys. He's also periodically known as the soulmate. Our friendship is better than ever, but his biggest flaw is that he keeps improving upon the friendship and nothing else. I know he has one major problem with me, and it isn't something I can do anything about. If it weren't for this completely superficial problem, I'm pretty sure there would be no other need for a list.

The Gentleman- Have you ever met a guy in his 30's that is good looking, charming, intelligent, and never been married? The kind of guy that makes you scratch your head and ask yourself why he never has a girlfriend, let alone married? I think this guy is great, and look forward to our frequent communication. But I'm seriously starting to think he is asexual. Some info recently came to me that this guy is interested in dating other girls, but there is one platonic friend of his that makes it nearly impossible for him to make better relationships. But I say if this guy wanted a better relationship elsewhere he'd find a way to make that happen.

So there it is. THE LIST. And as you know, I'm always taking applications for a spot on THE LIST. Interested parties may apply in person.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Lucky Post #700

I'm in the new house. YEAH!!

Things going well-
I have set up the wireless internet without incident in the new place.

Things not going well-
My cell phone doesn't work within a 2 block radius of this house. I've tried realigning my phone with the service, but alas, nothing. (To the three people who have left me voice mail today, please forgive me for not calling you back.)

I have officially lost the motivation to finish moving. I have no energy and way too much going on this week. There's only a few things left at the old place, and I still have to paint the whole place. But you know, it was only 2 months rent for the deposit. Maybe I don't need that back after all. Which is more important anyway? Sleep and sanity? Or money? I can't decide.

First Day of First Grade

My nephew is off to his first day of first grade where he's bound to be made fun of for having a wierd name. But his favorite aunt loves him anyway.
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Big Boy

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I think the little brothers just might miss the big brother while he's off at school all day. And someone needs to explain to me why Porter needs both a bottle and a binky.
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Studio 60 is coming

I really really cannot wait for this show. I love the premise, producer, writer, and nearly every single one of the main cast members. And I love knowing that I am about to finally have a favorite new show again. Seriously, Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet and Steven Webber on an Aaron Sorkin show. It just doesn't get better than this!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Make it lucky #13

Places of residence since 2000-
2000- Falls Church, VA (in that basement studio apartment I loved and still miss)
2001- moved to Fredericksburg mid-year, went to Romania
2002- moved to Purcellville, VA, moved back to Fredericksburg, didn't join the Navy, and went to mooch off Juli in Palm Bay, FL for several months. Eventually moved into an apartment in Orlando.
2003- moved from first apartment to second apartment in Orlando in January. In October moved back to Fredericksburg. By November I was in Prague.
2004- started off the new year by moving to Santa Monica, CA. Was back in Fredericksburg by mid-March. Moved into first Arlington apartment (temp situation) in June. By the end of August moved into my real apartment in Arlington. Have been here ever since.
Tomorrow- move back to Falls Church.

That would be 12 moves (i don't count prague as a move) in 6 years. How can someone who has moved 12 times in that short period of time have as much junk as I do?? I am so tired of packing and moving. I am a pro at squeezing stuff into a car and driving it cross country over and over. But for this particular move I have less motivation than I usually have. In about 9 hours my "movers" (aka my family) will arrive to not take my stuff to my new house, but to take it to my parents' house. In exchange for me playing hostess in their house for a week while my mother is gone and company is visiting, they are coming to move me a week earlier than I intended to move. So I'm just realizing that this move really means living out of a car for a week. Ugh. Blech. I have no motivation! It's unlike me to procrastinate like this, but I can't help it this time. Someone save me!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Picture That Launched a Thousand Astronauts

Villagers on a hillside in Greece look at the moon.

How can you look at this picture and not want to be an astronaut? In just a few more days I will get to sit on a beach and just stare up at the moon for hours on end. Is there anything more beautiful, relaxing, and awe inspiring than a full moon you want to just reach out and touch?

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Hooters, Tats, Iron Bladder and me

Tonight Steph
aka Iron Bladder and I found ourselves rather involved with the discussion boards on LDS Linkup. It all started with a post on Smash's blog about a rip off on her blog being passed around Linkup. (For those unfamiliar with LDS Linkup it is essentially just a really big online community/bulletin board for LDS.) To help even the score for Smash, I stole the below poop story and put it on my old blog.

But back to me and Steph, and Jules actually. I noticed Juli had made some comments about tattoos on a discussion board. I read it and found myself commenting. And then I shared with Steph (aka on Linkup as Blue Jean Girl). And she commented. And then somehow we ended up on the Hooters discussion board, and well, we'll just be lucky if Sherpa (a moderator on linkup) doesn't kick us off soon.

Basically Steph and I (and Juli a wee bit) were defending tats. Steph has one. I used to have one. I love them on men, and a little on women. If there are any non-mormons reading this, I should probably explain that a few years ago the prophet of our church declared tattoos a defiling of the body. He didn't say go out and erase the ones you have though. My argument is that not all tats defile the body. What do you think? Good, bad, ugly? Personal, private, and beautiful?

And then on this other board people were debating the evils of eating at Hooters. And well, needless to say Steph and I are possibly the only 2 LDS females on the planet in favor of eating hot wings at Hooters. And it is our comments on there that might get us dinged a bit by our favorite moderator. So you know where I stand, and where Steph stands really, so I want to know where you stand? Is Hooters pure evil? Just another sports bar? Good wings, bad place? I invite you to answer.

How to Poop at Work

Do you ever find yourself laughing hysterically in the middle of the night? It is 2:20 a.m. Eastern, and I am WIDE AWAKE. There is no hope for me tonight. I blame it all on an Inka Cola consumed 8 hours ago at dinner with Sherpa. I'm still wired.

I found this little joke tonight and laughed till it hurt. It might not be as funny in the morning, but let's find out, shall we?


We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
In our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As
Much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is Inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide
For taking a dump at work.

When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell hHas left your pants.

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
Embarrassment. If you release an escapee, DONT ACKNOWLEDGE IT. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in The urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It Is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
Both parties feel uneasy.

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

(and yes, i do realize this negates all previous comments this week about using a blog for the better good)

Monday, August 14, 2006

the rather auspicious start to the week

I should have known something was wrong with the cosmos when I woke up two hours early this morning for no good reason. And with no good reason I went to work early. And then before 8 am even came around I found out that my boss has resigned and a favored co-worker is "no longer employed" at Beretta. It's really hard to have a really great day after that kind of news. I have never felt any sort of loyalty to my company. But have felt a great deal of loyalty to my boss. His departure is earth-shaking for those of us directly affected. He's really been the best boss anyone could ever ask for. His management style reminds of me of the cliche, "where much is given, much is required." (Or is that just mormon doctrine? I never can tell.) He lets us get away with murder, and in return, we perform like hell for him. He's a best friend, father figure, and paycheck provider, all rolled in to one lump sum. It is very hard to imagine going on working there without him. In fact, the desire to leave is greater than ever now. So if anyone has any sort of leads or contacts for great jobs for meeting/trade show planners or marketing/communications planners, you know where to find me. Or better yet, if you have any strings I can pull at KBR (halliburton), I really want one of those right now.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Interpersonal Communication 101

Private circumstances have recently lead me to really think about communication, interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, and all the quiet nuances of communication. As many of you know I studied Communication in my undergrad years at Mason . It has always been one of my favorite topics to think about, debate, discuss, etc. This weekend provided me with several opportunities to focus on this love of mine yet again.

Back in the university days one of the first mantras we learned to repeat over and over again was, "you cannot not communicate." Every movement made, breath taken, glance, and word spoken sends a message. Every time a phone is or isn't answered a communication is made. The world of instant communication and messaging has only lead to a world full of misunderstood communications.

I have several internet-only friends. People who have only read my words and never heard my voice. I think many of these friends do know me quite well, but they certainly do not know me in full. My face is very expressive. My t-shirts can be even more expressive. And body language tends to speak more than a well written word ever could.

In four different instances this past weekend I found myself wondering what an original communication was intended to convey and if and where a misinterpretation took place. Twice good friends offended me with a communication that wasn't sent. Again, "you cannot not communicate." I've stopped and asked myself if I just possibly misread the communication? Was the silence intended? Was the indifference intentional? A communications professional will tell you, yes, all indifferences are intentional. It sends the message that the Sender wants you to know that the Sender is more important than you and/or your issue. So I stop and try to tell myself that the Sender is not aware of my needs at this point in time and a mature and respectful person will stop and ask if they need to be more aware of the Sender's needs, and less of their own. Unfortunately this is one of the most difficult steps in human progression, and the acceptance of the answer shows true character.

The next lesson in communication was behavior based. There are 3 parties involved. Party A believes Party B is sending a message of indigence, neglect, and indifference to Party B's personal welfare. I am Party C, and see things very different. I think Party B is sending a message of depression, confusion, and is quite frankly lost and screaming out for help with the message sent. But how do you ever know for sure when Party B will only send a message of silence and uncooperation?

The last lesson in today's Comms 101 course is all about body language and the lack thereof. The Sender (which was me) sent what was perceived by the Sender as a very direct communication expressing an opinion. The Receiver however completely interpreted the communication differently from its original intent. In fact, the Receiver got it 100% backwards from its original intent. Neither party was at fault. The misinterpretation (which is very different from a misunderstanding) was figured out and corrected. It all came down to body language. The message was sent in an email. All context, facial expression, and body language was missing. So in other words, only half the message was sent. How could the Receiver ever be expected to get the message properly when it was so incomplete? This communication experience came very close to a ending very disastrously. Thankfully neither party involved wanted it to, and very eagerly listened (okay read) the other party's point of view. No blame, guilt, or other fault finding was cast.

I think all too often too many people take all communication too personally. They don't stop to ask if there was "trouble on the line." Some miscommunications have no fault, blame, or guilt. But we all too quickly jump to the conclusions and assume the worst. I know I need to work on what message I send to others. What message did your communications to others sound like this week?

if i died tonight is that the last thing i want the world to read about me?

I have this overwhelming urge to blog about blogging tonight. It's late, I'm wired on too much late night Dr Pepper, and sleep is anything but imminent. I'm going through my blogroll, catching up on blogs I don't read often, and surfing to find a few new ones, and I can't help but ask myself what is the purpose of blogging? Most blogs in my personal blogosphere (as read on the right hand side of the page) are just reflections and antidotes about life. Some people are clearly better writers than others, some fancy themselves good writers, and some are just plain boring. So I asked myself what is my point? Why am I blogging? I get anywhere from 40-60 readers a day, of which I can probably guess 15-20 of them. So that means I don't know who the other 50% are, and why they read. Of the 15-20 I can identify, half of them are in constant contact with me, and are so involved in my life that they appear in half my stories, and I am in theirs. And why do the other 20 people care? I started this blog as a travelogue of sorts for my trade shows. And as a way just to get some extra writing practice in. But lately I feel like I don't get to stretch my brain enough. Every time I do another "blog tag" I ask myself, "is this really what I want 20 complete strangers to think of me today?" Or do I want to force my political views on them? Or just give them a good laugh? I'd say this past week has been an all new low in blogging. From pictures of t-shirt stains to a high school picture of George Clooney, I've really managed to show my juvenile side. I feel I should apologize and also tell you that besides reading People magazine this week, I've also had in-depth politcal discussions, read some fascinating books, and nearly completed writing a novel. I'm not always a flake. Just like the title of this blog states, I do have moments of clarity along with my moments of chaos. Hopefully my schedule will improve soon and I will be able to give more meaningful blogs to my faithful readers.

There's Hope For Us All

There's hope for us all when this guy can grow up to become the Sexiest Man Alive.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

More Vindication!

My devoted readers may remember that back in July I had a very negative experience with US Airways/American West on a trip to Utah. In addition to blogging about it, I write the airline a letter and told them about my experience. Today I received an apology letter from them and a $200 voucher good for one year on their airline. I accept their apology!

Between a raise, royalty check, selling off some of my older furniture, and now the plane voucher, it hasn't been too shabby a week for me!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A New Low in Blogging

Tonight was the first new roommate bonding experience. I know Rae and I know Val, but Val and Rae don't know each other as well. So to get our future living situation off on the right foot, we went out to a Nats game (courtesy of my employer's free tickets) together.

Sadly, just as we got there, I had a little accident on my white tee shirt.

But Valerie just happened to have a stain stick on her, so we put it to good use. We also put the camera to good use.

Here I have documented Valerie flirting with drunk guys. Please notice how she has the attention of four guys at once. Not too shabby, Val!

We let drunk guys take our picture. Drunk guys like doing nice things for us.

What? That can't actually be a picture of Rae almost smiling and not being silly!!

Well, the non-silliness couldn't last forever!

Oh, and guess what? The stain stick worked! (I told you this was a new low in blogging!)

In other random events this evening, I got a little bit turned around in Southeast DC while driving Rae and I home. (In my defense, Rae agreed with me that there was absolutely no sign whatsoever from Benning Rd saying where to turn on to 295 S.) We drove up Benning too far for a few minutes, turned around and got our bearings straight. At a stoplight a truck pulled up next to us going the opposite way. Normally I wouldn't roll down my window for a stranger in this particular seedy section of town, but since there was a cop car behind him, and he clearly wasn't from that neighborhood, I put my window down. He then asks me if I am lost. I said no. The cop car turns on its lights and cars can no longer cross the intersection while the man talks to me. "I was hoping I could help you, you're so pretty."

Stranger than truth I tell you.

Hey look, I got tagged

Thanks to Steph's Anthesis of Boring I have been tagged. (What goes around comes around I guess.

The instructions for this tag--

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your LJ/blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag five people.

(Steph didn't do this on her blog, but I think the point of this tag is to "write" a book, so you keep the previous tag's entry. So the first section is from Steph, the second from me.)

"Finally the girl said, in that same strange tone, "I see deer--a great herd of deer, and a man among them with his body painted--they put the antlers on him--oh, he is down, they will kill him--" Her voice trembled and again Viviane passed her hand above the surface of the water, and the ripples passed over the surface. "Enough," she commanded.

I asked the guard what they were, and he said, "Them's pigs 'n chickens." I was thinking that I'd had the sense to go on living in that old town I might have just met this prison guard in school and married him and had a parcel of little kids by now. It would be nice, living by the sea with piles of little kids and pigs and chickens, wearing what my gradmother called wash dresses, and sitting about in some kitchen with bright linoleum and fat arms, drinking pots of coffee.

Keli Boo

Monday, August 07, 2006

it's been 4 days and i haven't blogged yet

Sorry for the lack of blogging. I guess I was out having a life for a few days. For instance, on Friday night I went with friends to go see Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I had no or low expectations for this movie, but actually really enjoyed it. Saturday was the first Saturday I have had at home without responsibilities to other people for possibly 2 months. I honestly can't remember the last time I had a Saturday at home. So I slept in and took a really long nap. I know, this is great blogging material, right? But for me, a nap was ground breaking. I even cleaned my room. And while maybe this isn't exactly newsworthy to you, it was heavenly for me. But that brings us to Saturday night (are you on the edge of your seat yet?), where I had an unexpectedly great evening. I was the recipient of some free box seats at Wolf Trap for Saturday night to see the National Symphony Orchestra perform the Wizard of Oz. I invited along Steph, Boo (Amber), and Rae and we made a night of it. I didn't hvae many expectations for the night. I like the NSO and I like the Wiard of Oz, but I didn't think it sounded soooo fabulous. It just sounded, nice. I was greatly surprised to absolutely love the night. Seeing a classic movie, previously only seen on a TV, up on a huge screen with an amazing orchestra accompanying it was truly a unique experience. And getting to enjoy the benefits of just perfect box seats, great company and the private season ticketholder's club, really topped off the evening for me.
Continuing on with my calendar of events, Sunday was a Sunday. I went to church and came home and napped. Just what a Sunday should be, right? I liked it. And my first Sunday in ages without one church meeting? Priceless!
Okay, so there's my life, any questions?
I suppose there are more interesting things happening, but nothing I can make available for public consumption quite yet. Oh, but I did get my royalty check. Let me tell you a little secret. Being a writer really really does not pay. It took 1.5 years to write the book, 6 mos of editing, and then 6 more months to see it hit a shelf. Two years people! Two years!! And let's just say this royalty check (they come every six months) will barely even buy me a decent pair of shoes. Have I mentioned there is a link on the right side of this page where you can buy my book? Have I mentioned writing for the LDS community just basically sucks? And that I hereby refuse to write another book for my current publisher ever again? I'm writing other projects, but they will not be published for the LDS community. I don't know who will publish them, but it ain't gonna be Covenant. Oops, did I just trash my publisher publicly? Well, couldn't hurt anything. They haven't promoted my book yet, why would they start now?
End rant.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Vindication, Villified, and Victory is MINE!!!!

This morning started off very early with a trip to BWI to take Miss Ruby G to her flight to Mexico. Which is how and why I got to work at 6 am. And why I left work around 2:30 and got home around 3. You've heard me whine plenty about the temperature in my apartment in the late evening, so please take a second and imagine how hot it is in the middle of the day in that sweatbox. I opened the door to my apartment and was hit full force by the heat inside. You know that blast of heat that hits your face when you open the oven? That is what it felt like in our apartment. And that is after my roommate got inventive last night and hung a bedsheet curtain thing over the door to the kitchen, cooling it off a good 10 degrees.
So I get in the apartment, and go straight for my magnet pissing boy thermometer. 100 degrees. Final straw!!! I call the landlord and have the following conversation.

Me: I know that in the past you have said our a/c works just fine. And I do realize that today is excessively hot. But I really think someone needs to come see how hot it is in here.

Landlady: The a/c unit is working fine.

Me: My thermometer says it is 100 degrees in here.

Landlady: Do you have your a/c on?

I roll my eyes, bite my tongue and don't say the sarcastic thing.
Me: Yes, all a/c is on ful blast, all windows are shut.

Landlady: Are your blinds open?

I roll my eyes, bite my tongue and don't say the sarcastic thing.
Me: Yes. I would really like it if someone would come up here.

Landlady: If it is as bad as you say, that is unhealthy. You should have called sooner. You could have killed yourself. Why didn't you report this at the beginning of the heatwave? Or earlier today?

Me: Because in the past you have just told us it was working just fine. And generally we are at work in the middle of the day. You just caught me on an off day.

Landlady: I don't know if we have anyone who can come over on such short notice. Is it okay in there right now?

Me: My thermometer says it is nearly 100 degrees. That isn't okay. No.

Landlady: I don't know what you did to break that a/c unit. But I'll see if I can find someone to get over there in 20 minutes.

About 5 mins later the maintenance guy knocks and I open the door for him. I'm bright red from the heat and sweating profusely.

The heat hits him in the face. Maintenance Man: Woah, do you have your a/c on?

Me: Yes, full blast, both units.

MM: Are you sure?

I roll my eyes, bite my tongue and don't say the sarcastic thing.
Me: Yes.

MM: Well it isn't working.

Me: Thanks for noticing.

He looks at our inventive little curtain over the kitchen doorway, and peeks through it. He quickly pulls back out of the kitchen because it is about 15 degrees hotter in there. "Damn."

I nod.

MM: Well, that a/c unit isn't froze up. But it ain't workin'. I will get you a different one installed first thing tomorrow. It is old and loud, but it'll blow real good. You'll be cold in no time.


Blog Tag

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Newman’s Own Raspberry Vinaigrette

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Five Guys!

What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
Gibsons in Chicago

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
15% unless they earned more

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Indian food

Name three foods you detest above all others.
bananas, “stomach soup,” and lentils

What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
Orange Chicken

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Mushrooms, olives, pineapple

What do you like to put on your toast?
lots of butter when the toast is still hot so it melts

What is your favorite type of gum?
I’ve never liked gum and probably never will. When it’s required though Dentyne Cinnamon.

Number of contacts in your cell phone?
163 – most of which are business related

Number of contacts in your e-mail address book?
200- I have no good reason for this

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Dallin’s muddy face (see previous blog)

What is your screensaver on your computer?
Don’t have one

Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
Like I’m really going to tell you

How many land line phones do you have in your house?

How many televisions are in your house?
3- 1 in each bedroom, and 1 in living room

What kitchen appliance do you use the most?
refrigerator obviously

What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
news radio

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
my girls

Are you right handed or left handed?

Do you like your smile?
Sure, it never hurt me none

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
my gall bladder?

Would you like to?
My moles will be leaving me at the end of the summer

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
Just not my cup of tea

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
Touch- I’m very very sensitive to touch.

When was the last time you had a cavity?
No comment

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
My rifle case

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
No, but I pass out very easily

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
Lucy- a long standing family inside joke

How do you express your artistic side?

What color do you think you look best in?
dark green and pink

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
about 5 seconds till claustrophobia set it

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
50 cent piece and enough pennies to buy a coke

If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
I’ve got over 500 cousins. Chances are I already have.

How often do you go to church?
Every single Sunday, and the 500 activities during the week.

Have you ever saved someone's life?
Us fire fighters and EMT’s don’t like to brag about our numbers.

Has someone ever saved yours?
The uncle that did the Heimlich on me after I swallowed the 50 cent piece.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
That’s just one of the many things I would do for that much cash.

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Do I get to pick the member?

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Probably not. I’m not big on pain for money.

Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Blog, what blog?

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Why anyone would want me to is beyond my comprehension, but even then, probably not. A girl’s gotta have some dignity.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No. I once dared a friend in Mexico to eat 4 bowls of salsa in a cafĂ© we found. Poor girl ate the whole thing, and then got so sick I’ll never forget it. I don’t even want to think about the ulcer she gave herself. Watching her retch on the streets of Monterrey was enough for me.

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
Yes, and I’d probably do it for less.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
Um, yeah?

Who do you tag?
Anne, Boo, Rae, Miss Hass, Juli

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

More Dallin Fun

I love this kid for many reasons, this set of pictures is just one of them. Just some every day typical Dallin love!

(Sorry, I don't know why this picture is determined to stay horizontal!)

Working Girl

Recently, I've been picking up work as a background extra on various projects. In the past month or so I've worked on 3 different m...

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