Saturday, September 23, 2006

It didn't salvage the weekend

Before I go anywhere with this post, I have to thank Boo, Rae and Kim for being absolute lifesavers last night. Girls, you rock! I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'd be nothing without my amazing girlfriends!

It's no secret that I have dabbled (okay maybe not dabbled but dove in head first) in online dating. A few months back I met a guy online who was slightly interesting. We im'ed a few times, and then, like most online guys, he disappeared. No big deal. Much to my surprise he surfaced again last week. In fact, we was the reason for the previous post about guys who call too much. Originally I had fun plans for this weekend that included a spontaneous trip to visit my sister in Utah for her birthday. But when that fell apart, I didn't mind the chance to salvage the weekend with a date when this guy asked. He may call too much, but hey, you can't fault a guy for trying to show he's interested, right? Especially when some guys just can't ever send you a clear enough signal.

Ugh, I wish I wasn't so freaking nice!

First, he showed up 3 hours late. And although our plans had been for dinner and a movie, and he had mentioned a few dozen times wanting to cuddle as well, he wasn't hungry when he got there. Well, I had been waiting for 3 hours and was absolutely starving. One look at him, and five minutes in his presence, and I knew I was going to need to call in back up. He had been fine on the phone. He may call a lot, but the conversations were never bad. Through the magic of girlfriends it was only a few minutes before we found ourselves joining Rae, Boo and Kim for dinner.

Something fun happened next. We walked into the restaurant and unexpectedly ran into my cousin Tami and her family out for her birthday dinner. I haven't seen her 1 year old, Joey, (also out for his first birthday dinner), since last Thanksgiving, so I was excited to run into them. This was a completely unplanned run-in. Later on, the Date would say he could just "tell" I had planned it so that my family could check him out. Oh ugh. So not the case. I love Tami, but trust me, I don't rig meetings like that. I flat out say, "Pick me up at my sister's so she can check you out first." Or, "We're going on a double date with Juli and Bry, even though they live 1,000 miles away, so I can get a second opinion on you." And if you think I'm making that up, Juli and Natalie will vouch for me.

So then there's dinner... I didn't know this was possible. But there are people out there that can actually not make me laugh. I mean, really! I laugh at everything! I think everything is hilarious. It takes almost no talent to crack me up. If you know me, ask yourself if I have ever not described someone as, "the funniest person ever." But this guy was a piece of work! I didn't laugh. He's just not funny. But oh was he trying! He got up and went to the men's room, and (I do love her for this) Kim just blurts out, "He is really not funny, is he?"

And then there's the physical stuff. He had made it clear that he was hoping I'd be up for some affectionate contact. I'm not opposed to physical contact. In fact, like most people, I like it and enjoy it. I respect and appreciate that guys have to employ a few moves in order to instigate contact. But even when I was 16 my BS meter would go off when I saw a "move" coming. I'm more of a go with the flow kind of girl. Things should just naturally happen without a totally fake move getting played. But no, this guy's moves hadn't improved since he was 16 I think. (And then I think, "what if his moves were worse when he was 16???"") He tried the classic, "You have a magnetic personality," line, and then intentionally bumped right into me. Twice. And actually tried to slip his arm around me at the same time. Not only is this a bad move, and worse line, but he needed to work on the part where he doesn't trip the girl so she nearly hits the waitress while she's walking. And then there was the kicking under the table. Oy vey!

Everyone has their own rules for who pays on a date. I won't even bother mentioning that he didn't even try to offer to pay for my dinner, but then did later on offer to pay for half of the movie we got. (A whopping $1.50)

Unfortunately he's from out of town, and therefore I had volunteered to let him stay overnight. Note to self: you know better than this.

In spite of the fact that it was after 11 pm, and I had been up since 5, and he knew I was exhausted, he was rather pushy about wanting to watch a movie. Knowing that he was hoping this would lead to cuddling, I resisted, but caved, figuring I would be asleep in 5 minutes anyway. How bad was it? He wouldn't shut up. We start the movie, and he won't stop talking. After ten minutes I turned it off. He asked if he could show me his move for putting his arm around a girl. I actually said no, but he tried it anyway. And (just like he had planned) he hit me square in the eye. Great, so now I'm exhausted, my eye hurts, and this guy has a death grip on me that doesn't feel like cuddling at all.

If you are wondering why I didn't just tell him I wasn't interested, I did. Multiple times. The words, "I'm not feeling this," and "I'm just not digging you," came out several times. Blech.

I'm sitting there just sort of stuck. Now don't worry, he was too naive and innocent to do anything that would hurt me. He just couldn't figure out that I really wasn't crazy about him. He's spewing crap about how soft I am, and I'm literally pushing him off. So what can a girl do? Well, you know I'm pretty no-nonsense. I just stood up, practically dragging him along. He puts his arms around my waist in a very odd hug. And there I was with a guy sitting on the couch, his head now on my hip, arms around me, telling me I'm the softest and nicest girl he's ever met. Oh please. I was a rather rude human porcupine, and I know it! I took care of the situation, but it wasn't pretty. He asked if he could "walk me to my door." I told him no. He followed me anyway. Ugh. Needless to say, I slept with my bedroom door locked all night.

Without getting into too many more details, do you remember the "Friends"episode where Chandler breaks up with Janice, but she just won't accept it, so he tells her he's moving to Yemen? Well, let's just say the excuse I had to use to get out of subsequent dates and/or the next day came close to moving to Yemen. Oh, and if anyone asks, I've joined a ridge runners club.

I feel a break from men coming on. I'm reaching that point again where I can't trust my instincts. The guys that I believe in all end up leading me on. And sometimes it's as much my fault as their own. It doesn't matter much. The dating pool around here is about as dry as a bone. I really don't feel like having another date like that. And unfortunately, a lot of my dates do end up feeling like that. I think I'd just rather not date. I'm doing fine on my own. Who needs a man to mess that up?


  1. If we still did Meridian, I could see several columns coming out of this one...

    PS--I vouch for Erin. She's as upfront about her motives as anyone can ever be.

  2. oh i am so sorry! but based on the little kissing tidbit, i wish i could say i was surprised. unfortunate that he lived up to expectations.

  3. Sounds like a guy who emailed me on Linkup recently. He called me three times in one day, and then he talked like he had mush in his mouth and I couldn't understand a word he said.

    He emailed wondering if I wanted to be his friend because he was new in the area. There were so many red flags on his profile and in his email I should have known, but I was in welcoming-the-new-guy mode, and said "Great! You're in luck! come to our movie night tonight!" and pasted the email I sent out to the email list, including my phone number along with the address of the place it was to be held--and then I offered to let him follow me up there, since Seattle is sometimes hard to get around in.

    I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just given him the address and stripped out my phone number, because he called me three times and emailed me several more.

    When I finally decided to pick up the phone on the third call, he said he'd changed his mind and that he wanted to follow me up there (he'd previously said in an email that he couldn't go until later, which I was fine with).

    I made up some excuse about needing to run errands I'd forgotten about, because by then I was thinking that no way did I want him to know where I lived. He said, "well, I guess I won't be coming then, because I don't know the address."

    What? I gave him the address in the email, and if he has my number, he has the ability to write that address down. So I gave him the address again and said goodbye.

    I am SO glad other people showed up to that movie night, because at first it was just me, the host, and him. And I kind of have a kind-of interest, who thankfully showed up and we ran out to get food together and talked for a little while, which was really nice. I didn't barely talk with the new guy all night, just because of circumstances (movies don't really call for a lot of talking, except that we watched Flash Gordon so there was a lot of MST3K-ish comments).

    But that said, your experience is far beyond the pale of mine. YIKES! Good thing you have a sense of humor. I might have slugged him and thrown him out on the street.

  4. Honey you can call me anytime for backup. That's what friends are for. Love ya!

  5. Whoa! Freaky!

    You deserve so much better.

    There are plenty of re-enforcements in the area if you ever need them. Don't hesitate to send up a flare.


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