Thursday, November 30, 2006

What They Didn't Teach You in Second Grade...

What they didn't teach you in second grade is that some day a girl will reject you for failing primary school grammar.

Case in point-
Here is an email I received today.

boy howdie!!!! you are a lot to take in I'm simple with a wild side for
life but on the down hill of it trying to be good is an adventure for me I don't
look for trouble or even the opportunity of trouble but it finds me pretty easy.
I'm a small town loving boy that has no idea what to do but just live like
there's no tomorrow with no regrets. and have FUN Ive tryed to live by the motto
just livin and Ive done good so far. so if I'm not outgoing enough adventures
enough or even cool enough which I'm probably not than that's coool

Items to Note
1. Sadly, everything he needed to know to impress me he should have learned approximately 21 years ago. (He's 29.)
2. On the list of reasons he will never hear back from me you will find, "I can't bear the burden of being the sole teacher of grammar, punctuation and syntax to our future children."
3. He misspelled "cool." How can you not know how to spell cool??
4. It is men like this that give me reason to believe I will [happily] die an old maid. I realize we aren't all destined for a Pulitzer, but still!!!!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Paging Dr. House??

This week I have re-discovered the joys of Vicodin. Granted, I had to bruise my coccyx to find the joys, but find them I did.

Things I have done while hopped up on drugs this week-

1. Made a phone call at 1 a.m. The recipient found it amusing. Or at least in my drugged up state I perceived his response as amused.

2. Convinced myself that sleeping in full fleece sweats with a heating pad, comforter, flannel sheets, and a fur blanket was a good idea. (woke up a few hours later covered and sweat and sick)

3. Convinced myself that it had been 6 hours since my last dose of pills. When in fact it had only been three. The logic behind this was something like, "by the time i walk to the kitchen, drink some milk, take my pill, use the bathroom, and get back in bed it will have been almost 2 hours, and then it takes an hour to kick in. so really, that's like 6 hours, right?"

4. Had a very bizarre dream where an ex-boyfriend (currently married with children) got divorced, came back to me, and admitted that he only broke up with me to marry her because it is what his parents wanted. I slapped him and finally got to tell him all the things I've always wanted to say to him. Too bad I was drugged and asleep at the time, or I could have really enjoyed that.

5. Apparently got up in the middle of the night and made myself a PBJ (possibly a peanut butter and honey). The only evidence I have of this is the half eaten sandwich in my room. Either this, or the Boogeyman has been lunching in there again.

6. Made a very suggestive online pass (aka IM) at a good friend. (Who apparently doesn't believe I was stoned at the time. How do you convince people you really didn't mean it?)

Nothing too bad, nothing too bizarre. But still... I'm looking forward to tonight's dose kicking in so I can have another amusing night of sleep. (And then, really, I think it's time for me to kick the habit.) (Oh, and if you don't get the Dr. House joke in the title, you aren't watching the right TV shows. Trust me.)

Looking forward to the weekend. 2 new Veronica Mars DVDs, lots of naps, house hunting (log cabins!) and possibly (depending on my coccyx) more horseback riding. How many more days till Saturday?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Predictions of Advil

Today I will be sitting on a cushion and heating pad at work while editing a catalog that includes such genius phrases as, "This is a fundamental peculiarity using the shotgun during high risk operations and the shotgun works perfectly in all climatic conditions, ranging from very cold to hot and humid."

Why the cushion and hot pad? My tailbone got a pretty good bump on it (seriously, there's a decent sized goose egg on my coccyx) while riding on Saturday.

And why the editing? Because it isn't normal for people to say things like "a fundamental peculiarity."

I feel a lot of Advil coming on.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

For reasons unknown to me, Blogger is insisting on posting my last 2 entries in reverse order. For this I apologize for their stupidity. Please skip down to the heading "AN Extremely Erin Day" read that post, and then jump back up here to the picture of my dad and brother and continue from the top.
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Several months ago I bought my dad a Px4 Storm, and he has yet to get to shoot it. So we took it out and gave it a whirl. I'm not sure if my mother had ever shot a gun before, but I can pretty much guarantee that she'll never do it again. I gave everyone a brief safety and shooting lesson, then put them on the line and let them go. Mom went first. She did everything right and followed all the rules without hesitation. And then we wait, and we wait, and we wait, as she pulls the long double action trigger at a snail's pace. Finally she pulls the dang thing, fires off one shot, (I think she screamed), threw the gun down on the bench, and ran out of the room. I followed her out into the holding area, where she explains to me (while still covering her ears, which were well covered by her hearing protection) that "I saw flames! There were flames everywhere!" I convinced her to come back in for a second, but she lasted only long enough to get the keys and go hide in the car for the rest of the hour. (I did attempt to explain to her that there is something called a muzzle flash, but that there weren't really FLAMES shooting everywhere. But she didn't believe me.) Next up was my brother Scott. And holy cow can the kid shoot. He picks up the gun, points down range, and fires off 10 shots, perfect center of mass, like he's done this a hundred times before. He says he owes it all to video games. I refuse to comment further on that theory. My dad wasn't quite the natural Scott is on the trigger, but did pretty well for his first time out to a range in 30 years, and his first time on that gun.
Following that fun, I made the trek from Fredericksburg back home to good old Northern Virginia in is some pretty heinous traffic. I95 was a total parking lot, so I pulled off and headed for the backroads on Rt 1. To continue my truly Erin day, I enjoyed some flirtatious text messaging, and then phone calls to my two favorite girls, Sisty Ugler and Jules (who are currently in a pretty good debate in the comments section of my polygamy post).
And then, right in front of me, there was a huge 4 car accident. It was total bedlam as two of the cars were pickup trucks with their beds full of crap. Debris goes flying everywhere, and the cars are just smashed up. So I called 911 within 30 seconds of the accident happening, rushed out of my car, and got to be the first Fire Fighter/EMT on the scene. 4 cars, 5 patients. Thankfully only 1 patient was very injured, and the rest were just good and rattled.
From there I rushed straight to a singles activity at the church where (amongst other things) we played Settlers of Catan, which is one of my all-time loves in life.
Horseback riding, shooting, fire fighting, and Settlers all in one day. That is what I call an Extremely Me Day. Posted by Picasa

An Extremely Erin Day

Today turned out to be an Extremely Erin Day, and quite by accident. Of course, I think it only happened because of yesterday's blog where I said I felt like I haven't been me much lately. Well, today made up for that in spades!

First, I went horseback riding with my sister Stephanie, on our horse "Streaker." He is a rescued race horse, and his racing name was Decorated Streak. Steph volunteers out at the rescue farm every week, and has worked very hard to train Streaker.

Until recently Steph was the only one allowed on her beloved Streak. But she has now allowed her boyfriend Joel to ride him, and today for the first time, me. It has been several years since the last time I was on a horse. Sadly, my horrible horsemanship showed in most of the pictures we took today, so this is the only one I am willing to post of me.


Also at the rescue farm there are several baby horses waiting to be adopted. I fell in love with this one several months ago, and then fell in love with him all over again today. He's a snuggler. I am laughing in this picture because every time I walked away from him he would come up and nuzzle my cheek again. He's just a baby in need of some love. (And if my dreams (from the aforementioned previous blog) come true, this little guy will be mine some day.)


After horseback riding (which for those of you who don't know, was one of my first loves in my life, and something I did passionately for many years in my youth), I took my dad, brother, and mother to the shooting range. Nothing spells family love like a little trip to the range now does it? All I can say is HOLY CRAP. It was possibly one of the funniest experiences of my life.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Thankful for Tryptophan

There's a lot going on right now. Just enough going on that I have little energy left to blog a whole lot. Bottom line- work is kicking my butt. Plus there's all those other responsibilities to deal with like singles conferences, building a side business, writing a book, cleaning my bathroom, and calling for pizza.
One of the bigger stresses in my life is also taking an assessment of my life. In the past few years I have made some major goals for myself, and for the most part, I have done a decent job of accomplishing them, or at least moved in the right directions. Those have included buying a car, publishing a book, and some other things.
Some of my bigger long-term goals also include home ownership and becoming a foster mother. This will require some other major changes in my life, (which due to the fact that sometimes you can't trust people to not go running their mouths to the wrong people can't be outlined further here), and this weekend I made some big steps to making those things happen. They are still 6-10 months away from happening, but there are still little things I can do here and there to make my goals a reality. And I have to just come to terms that my dreams aren't always realistic. For instance, what I really want is a little log cabin up in the mountains, preferably with enough land for 2-3 horses. A-frame, in Luray, with a loft, and I'd like it to be a small 2 bedroom cabin, so I can take in a teenage foster daughter. But the reality is that my job is in Southern Maryland, which is absolutely nowhere near the mountains. So maybe I'll have to revise my plan to include a small condo in Arlington, and delay the horses a few more years.
I've been a little surprised at some of the reactions I have received regarding becoming a foster parent. There have been those who were mildly curious, but mostly disbelieving. I'll assume they think this is a phase that too shall pass. What they don't know is that I have been planning on doing this for at least 5 years now. I just knew I had to get myself to a financially stable place for it first. There have been some (few) that were pleasantly supportive. And then there are those who flat out told me I am sinning by doing this, after all, our Church teaches that a child needs a father and a mother. Therefore, single parenting is wrong and frowned upon. Well, my argument to that is simple. A foster child has a mother and a father. I'm not attempting to be either of those things. I just want to provide a safe home and hot meal, and hopefully be a good role model. I'd like to help a teenage girl learn about independence and stability and how to take care of herself before the state says she's on her own. I just can't see how that is wrong to do. But apparently there are those who disagree strongly with me, and have made it clear they wouldn't offer support. I guess I won't be inviting them over for Thanksgiving dinner in my new house.
Other goals, besides buying a home in 10 months and becoming a foster parent, include really getting into shape. I'm not talking about losing 20 lbs. I'm talking really getting into shape. Oh, and learning to sew. I have the basics down, but I've never had the dedication to really get good at it. Blame it on "Project Runway" I guess, but lately I've been feeling this huge urge to be able to design and create things on my own. (this also goes along with my fairy tale where i have a cabin in the mountains, grow my own garden, live partially off the land, and sew my own clothes and home decor, and raise a teenage girl to join my in my quest to form the first All Female Nature Loving Conservatives political party.) And there's always that goal of writing a few more novels.
Why am I setting goals in mid-November? I don't know. I guess it is this overwhelming feeling that my life is not where I want it to be, or what I want it to be. I'm not complaining. But basically, I really don't want to be "Carrie Bradshaw." (if you don't know who carrie is, you don't watch "sex in the city.") I'd much rather by Laura Ingalls. Or maybe some version of Carrie meets Laura??

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Polygamists Fight to Be Seen As Part of Mainstream Society - washingtonpost.com

Polygamists Fight to Be Seen As Part of Mainstream Society - washingtonpost.com

Let me make something clear-
1. There was nothing in this article that was newsworthy of the front page of the Washington Post.
2. It failed miserably to explain what a Mormon is, so allow me to help you there. First, a Mormon is anyone who believes in the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is a book that its believers and followers consider to be a second testament (the first is the Bible) of Jesus Christ. The Book of Mormon was restored to the Earth by way of the translation skills of a prophet, Joseph Smith, Jr. This in turn restored the Gospel and the Lord's Church (which fell away in the years following Christ's death, causing the splitting up of His established church, and the creation of so many different factions of churches). After Joseph Smith established this new and restored church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, he was martyred. And shortly following his martyrdom, a group of fundamentalists splintered from the Church. And since then various other factions have splintered from the Church. But all of these different factions are called Mormons because they believe the Book of Mormon.
3. Not all Mormons condone or tolerate polygamy. I am Mormon, and I am LDS, a member of the original church retored by Joseph Smith, Jr. I do not condonoe or tolerate polygamy. Most Mormons do not.
4. Yes, the original Mormon Church practised polygamy over a century ago. That practice ended over 100 years ago. You cannot be a member of the LDS Church and practice polygamy.
5. There was nothing in this article so newsworthy or interesting that it deserved the front page of a nationally read newspaper. Shame on the Post for encouraging more anti-Mormon coverage.

Winter Holiday? or Christmas?

I grew up in a house without Santa Claus. We believed in him until the appropriate ages, and then that was it. There was never an Easter Bunny in our house either. However, the Tooth Fairy had a good long reign over my pillow. During the Christmas season you will not find little Santas, reindeer, or any other commercial object adorning my parents' house. You will find many religious decorations, and beautiful trimmings throughout. My dad engrained it into us young that Christmas was about the birth of Christ and not about Jolly Old Saint Nicholas. And Easter is about the Life and Resurrection of Christ, and not about chocolate bunnies. I can only recall getting one Easter basket in my life, and that was in the fifth grade. However, my family does pull out all the stops for Christmas gift-giving.

So what's my point? I really can't stand tacky Christmas decorations. North Pole re-creations, flying reindeer, and these new monstrous sized "snow globes" people have in their front yards, get on my nerves. When I was younger (and by younger, maybe 5 or 6 Christmases ago) I didn't mind seeing decorations out the day after Thanksgiving. But now it just irks me. I get so tired of the tackiness of the winter season. I refuse to even call it the Christmas season. Christmas is a joyous religious holiday. Winter Holidays are for blinking lights in multiple colors and people who think that mistletoe is an excuse for an introduction.

I love Christmas, and I wish more people did. I wish more people put more thought into the message their front yard is sending, let alone their Christmas tree. If you want the world to think that you believe the birth of the Lord Jesus to be an excuse to go into debt, and hang tacky decorations, then by all means, go for it! If the only thing you get out of Christmas is the Nutcracker, knock yourselves out with it! But if by chance you think Christmas is one of the two greatest events in the history of the Earth, stop and think for two seconds in how you decorate your home and the message that it sends.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

A Few Changes

There's a few changes going on in my life right now. New priorities, responsibilities, interests, and directions. They will each slowly reveal themselves on the blog with time. Today we will start with some of the political hobbies that have resurfaced. If you have known me for more than 5 years you probably think of me as a very politically active person that has been taking a break for a little while. If you have known me less than five years you may not know that I ever had much of an interest in politics at all. And if you have very different political leanings from me you probably have heard me explain my views a few times.
Well, I'm back in the game again full force. I have started a Virginians for Mitt Romney for President blog. As well as a blog on the Race for the White House 2008 blog. I am actively working on the Romney blog, and I'll soon get to putting content on the Race blog. They will serve very different purposes. The Romney blog is obviously supportive of his candidacy for the GOP nomination. I was asked to run it, and am doing so. But to be honest, I'm not entirely sure he's the candidate for me yet, so I am also starting the Race blog where I will analyze and compare all of the candidates running for the Presidency. It is my personal feeling that the 2008 elections may very well be the first time we see a viable third party race. And I'm looking forward to getting actively involved in the upcoming elections and nomination process.
(If you are expecting these political blogs to be heavy on the Second Amendment, I think you'll be a bit disappointed. While I do have a strong background in the Second Amendment arena, it isn't one that I am actually overly active in politically. Knowledgeable- yes. Opinionated- no.)
I've added links to those blogs along the sidebar. Feel free to check them out! After all, I am doing these blogs for the money!

In other news- I managed to write 10 pages today in my next novel (title: Blog Girls)! My creative muse has finally returned! I'm hoping my muse sticks around long enough for me to finally finish this book and have it submitted by the end of the year. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Happiness is not... and Happiness is...

Happiness is not...
a sore throat, throbbing head, fever, and overall awful achey-ness with a 6 hour solo drive from NC back home to VA ahead of you.

Happiness is...
the moment your Tylenol flu finally kicks in and you sink back into your own bed after 3 nights out of town.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

She Really is the Antithesis of Boring (she just can't spell it)

I missed her going away party and her birthday. But that doesn't mean I don't love her! Happy Birthday Steph! Welcome to my side of 30!
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Monday, November 13, 2006

i will be rich and i will run the world some day

Recently I've been reading two different books (okay, actually reading one, while listening to the other on cd). The first book, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," by Robert Kiyoski, is about personal wealth and finances. The second book is "The World is Flat," by Thomas Friedman, and is about the history of the world through the evolution of economics. I am not one who really ever thinks about money for very long, but I do like to think about the consequences of business of every day life. Reading these two mooks simultaneously has my mind going nonstop about the plight of the middle class, and those who want to rise above and gain more wealth. "Rich Dad" presents a formula for how to acquire wealth. "Flat" explains the rise and fall of various financial empires. This has been an interesting educational experience!
For many people "Rich Dad" is a ground breaking and fascinating book. Apparently to these people the concepts taught inside are completely out of the box thinking. For me, it is just plain old common sense. Buy assets, limit your liabilities, eliminate debt, and make your money make more money. While I am not necessarily learning anything new from this book, it does have me thinking more about the fact that I am not doing all of those things in my life. I don't have assets, but I don't have liabilities or debt either. So I keep thinking about how I can make my money work for me. But that is where I keep hitting the brick wall, and finding where the book is falling short [for me].
Where does the middle class come in? For many the promise that if they save money they can someday invest in assets is a realistic goal. But for many, particularly in urban areas, the Cost of Living increases more rapidly than income thereby cancelling out effective budget management and the promise of making savings work. It appears to me that the only answer is to increase income. I can't reduce my output anymore than I already have. And while my expenses are going up, my income is not. I see no choice but to get a second job, and that is just to survive, not to try and get ahead. And it isn't because I'm increasing my spending. It is because the world is getting more expensive. So just by surviving, I'm getting more and more behind.
"Rich Dad" suggests that the key to this is to increase assets and make your money work to make more money. I agree. But how is someone supposed to be able to do that when they can't reduce their spending anymore, and yet their costs are going up?
"The World is Flat" explains the impact various companies have had on the world, as well as the impact of different business practices. The one thing I have learned from both of these books is that business is a gamble, and businesses really need to invest in assets before expanding too rapidly (just like people). But I'm looking for more. I feel like there isn't a true understanding of the current middle class right now. Rich Dad explains well how to not be poor, and how to increase wealth. But I don't feel like it discusses those that are stuck in the middle adequately. We have a new middle class now. They are educated and hold good jobs. But because those good jobs are in expensive cities, they never really get ahead, which is what leads to 2 income families. The bottom line in both books is that before wealth was gained, you have to have money to make money. So how will those who are stuck firmly in the middle class suffering from a faster increase in the cost of living ever rise above?
Does anyone have a decent book they can recommend on this topic? I'd really be intrigued.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

My Village

I attended the funeral of a long time family friend today. Rather than discuss the funeral or pay tribute to a good man today, my thoughts are on what a unique experience it was to be in the room with nearly every adult that had an influence on my life. I know most of the readers of this blog won't know these names, and I apologize for that. But since I know several of the readers are old friends who will enjoy some memories, I will share a few.

I grew up in both Centreville and Oakton, VA. Personally I lived longer in Centreville than I did in Oakton. But overall, my family lived longer in Oakton, and my father was the Bishop there, so it feels more like that is our hometown than anything. I graduated from high school in Oakton, and therefore I will have to claim it as home.

Oakton was a unique place to grow up. Living there meant being in a ward where presidential elections had personal meaning to several ward members. During one presidential election year 4 major players in the elections were in our ward, and our ward made the gossip and speculations columns more than once. We saw a ward member parodied on SNL (and as teens, loved to do our own imitation of him privately). We've seen our home teacher's name dragged innocently through the mud. We've watched our Sunday School teachers on CNN. But to us, they were just other ward members and the parents of our friends.

Sometimes a funeral can feel like a family reunion of sorts, and today was no exception. And for me, the experience of looking around the room and feeling the presence of so many of my most influential leaders was beautifully overwhelming. More than once the thought crossed my mind that I was in the village that helped raise me. I could see so many faces and remember exactly the impact they had on me, or the lesson they taught me. I saw Sister Bradford who taught me so many things I can't name them all, but 2 stand out- it's okay for loud women to marry quiet men, and there's never a reason to conform. Sister Wheatley who along with Sister Bradford instilled in me that it is always okay to smile- especially when you are crying. Bay taught me that strong women are the sexiest women. Ann showed me that perserverance pays off. And more than once told me that if I dared follow her footsteps, she'd come and stop me in my tracks! Bro and Sis Garfield who never cease to amaze me with how much they love each other, and that tragedy can bring you closer. Another woman (who's name is too easily googled) who taught me young that being strict doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you disciplined. And that there is no reason to not just do the right thing.

But mostly the thing that I learned today is that some people are truly born great. And they take that and increase it, and make it a hundred times better. And in others there is a latent greatness that they must find. But mostly I realized that great people are great at all they accomplish, and not just one thing. There are people with extreme talents out there. But they aren't the great people. The great people are the ones who are great in the sharing of all they have to offer. They are the ones who don't back down, and who can be relied on, no matter what the situation.

I just wish it hadn't taken a funeral for me to see how many great people were in my village.

Friday, November 10, 2006

20th Annual Northern Virginia Single Adult Conference

20th Annual Northern Virginia Single Adult Conference
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. - Thomas Jefferson

For the last several months all of my free time (that isn't consumed by blogging) has been devoted to planning the 20th Annual Northern Virginia Single Adult Conference. When I was first approached about planning this conference I groaned and begged for mercy. After all, I've been to this conference once before- as a speaker. Juli and I were writing our column on singles and dating still and had been invited to speak at this conference on exactly that- singles and dating. I think Juli will second me when I say it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. I was days away from turning 30 and standing in front of this "singles" (and therefore by the LDS Church definition over 31 yrs old) was eye opening and depressing. I think we found that in a room of 100 singles, probably 70 were over 50, and there was maybe 20 men in the room. And the awful thought that I would be forced into joining their ranks as an "older single" really made me miserable. So you can only imagine how I felt when I found out Jeremy and I would be spearheading up the conference this year.
Our first change? Make it something we actually want to attend. Our second change- if I am in charge there will never be a dance in a church building. And third- make it big enough and exciting enough that the locals will want to be there.
And to be honest with you, I think we have done exactly that!
So by way of this blog, I am now plugging and pushing the conference even more.

This isn't your average LDS conference. Let's just say we kicked it up a notch.
How does an award winning band from Nashville sound?
A formal dance at the National Press Club? With caviar, chocolate bar, crab cakes, and more?
A piano concert in the Holeman Lounge of the Press Club with renowned pianist Marvin Goldstein?
A catered lunch?
Speed Dating?
A service project to benefit Walter Reed Army Medical Center?
Famous speakers on the conference theme of service to God, country, and man? For instance Scot and Maurine Proctor speaking on building a successful business out of their religious and political beliefs. President and Sister Banks speaking on Temples and Singles.
Sitting in a chair all day listening to lectures isn't your thing? (me neither) We have fun workshops being planned that are hands on and informative. For instance, we have a well-known voice teacher and choir director coming to teach you how to direct music.
We have several big names invited that we can't quite yet release that will not disappoint!


I know that for most of the people reading this, attending this conference would require some travel. All I can say is, this conference will be worth it. And most of you are also thinking you are too young to attend this conference. That is where you would be wrong. I'll be 32 in January and Jeremy just turned 32. We're the ones in charge, and we're making this conference so that it appeals to all ages of singles. And we're making sure the social activities allow for a self-selective segregation of ages. We don't expect 27 yr old women to want to socialize with 60 yr old men, and we're taking that all into account. If I have to spend 6 months planning this shindig, it has to be fun enough for me to enjoy as well. And considering I hate nothing more than attending these sorts of things, you had better believe it is saying something if I think this one will actually be fun. I've never done any event like this in a small or minor way. Trust me when I say I plan to make this one my best one yet. (And hopefully my last one.)

Check out the website, and register today. You can pay by check, paypal, cash, whatever later. We just need to start getting registrations in so we can plan the budgets accordingly. Need a place to stay during the conference? We have contracted great rates with a nearby hotel. And there's always my spare couch as well.

Think about it! And come!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

how many metros have you been in?

How many metros have you been in? This is my list- DC, London, Prague, Bucharest, Brussels, Paris and Los Angeles. Not too shabby considering most of have been within the last 3 years!
Check out this site to make your own list!












Got at b3co.com!


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Nephews Rock Out



Have you ever seen such talented footwork, armpits or amazing rhythm??

Is there an end to always?

It has been another one of those days/weeks/months where so much of my life and schedule is dictated by events and people I have no control or influence over. I can put my heart and soul into doing what I truly to be the best thing, working devotedly to doing a good job, and then this all-powerful hand that has never once met me or bothered to ask me a question, can come and squash my efforts. It has nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with my efforts, and just the whims and ideas of an outside party. The apologies always come down with "It has nothing to do with you... It isn't that we don't think you can handle it..." And while I know that those comments are somehow supposed to make it all better, it doesn't. In fact, it is more insulting. My efforts are a part of me. I put a part of myself into everything that I do. And then someone comes around and says that it was insignificant. How can I help it if that makes me feel insignificant as a result? Is it even fair to ask someone to do something so insignificant? Is it fair to ask someone to devote their efforts and energy to a project that you consider to be useless and unnecessary?

I'm not angry. I'm just tired. I passed angry ages ago. Now it is just par for the course. Kill myself for something that will go completely unnoticed, and then be forced to accept that it had nothing to do with me. How can I not feel jaded and tired? It always makes me think "Payback's a bitch." There is no good karma. Doing good does not come back to help you, does it? After all the patience you have expended doing the right thing, being there for others, and hell, just faking enthusiasm and support, what does it get you? In my opinion, walked on. It makes you the person everyone knows will always just be there. Always forgiving. Always doing a good job, even if no one will appreciate it. And then everyone will always continue to take advantage of that. Why not? You've always forgiven everyone else. You've never complained about the abuse. You've always just been the one who does the good job, even if it wasn't warranted.

Is it possible to ever really trust again when you feel this taken advantage of? Do you intentionally choose to be jaded just to protect yourself? Is there ever an end to always?

Monday, November 06, 2006

Overwhelming Urge

Does anyone else have an overwhelming urge to sing "Ding dong the witch is dead," now that Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death?
Good riddance!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

When all you know is you don't know what you want

I have reached one of "those" points in my life. I couldn't begin to tell you what it is I want, but I can give you a long list of things I don't want in my life. I don't want boredom. I don't want student loans. I don't want to live in some boxy apartment again. I don't want a desk job. I hate desk jobs. I do know that I hate holding myself back because there are so few around me that I can trust. Fear of backstabbers keeps me from being myself. The fear of history repeating itself keeps me from doing the things that I want the most. I don't know that I can go for the things that I want the most because I may lose what I have already in the process. I do want there to be more to life than this dull repetition.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

In just 3.5 short days...


In the last 3.5 short days of being with my nephews, darling little Porter (age 21 months) has managed to do the following.
1. Bit the gel handle on my hairbrush, pulling off the "skin" of the handle, leaking the gel out.
2. Threw my shoe in the toilet.
3. Broke my glasses.
4. Painted a wall with my mascara.
5. Poured a Diet Coke in my Coach purse (thankfully my ghetto wallet was in there and soaked it all up)
6. Screamed bloody murder every time I so much as brushed by him, and then when my friend, a complete stranger to him, walked in, he ran up to him, offered him candy, and sat in his lap.

After which I nearly scheduled an emergency tube tying. But then...

7. He let me hold him for 1 whole minute before bed tonight without screaming, crying, threatening to pass out, or hitting me. And even smiled in my general direction. Of course, we had to totally brainwash him into it, but it worked! Brainwashing- I would grab him, he'd scream, but his mom would cheer like it was a good thing. This same trick is used to get him to eat solids. It took about 10 tries. He now allows me to pick him up, he cheers for himself, and then demands to be put back down. But the point is, I actually got to hug him without getting punched in the nose.

(Porter cheering for himself shortly after letting me touch him.)
I just may be willing to have children after all.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Halloween- Utah Style

I have arrived in Utah with the sole purpose of going trick or treating with my nephews. As you can see, they didn't disappoint me. Tell was a white ninja, Dallin a football player, and Porter a bumble bee. Their mom, Natalie, was Wilma Flintstone. And I was a very cool witch. The boys had a lot of fun running from door to door, in spite of the cold Utah night. The boys got some pretty decent loot, and the adults in the house have raided it well. Tell is allergic to all nuts so he gave up all candy with nuts in it pretty fast. Dallin for some reason doesn't like crunchy candy and has very willingly offered it all to me. I've collected all of his Almond Joys, Butterfingers, Snickers, and Crunch bars. I've also convinced him M&M's, Reeses Pieces, and Reeses Cups are also very crunchy.
Natalie and I got hair cuts today and went shopping. Natalie apparently doesn't know the first rule of shopping with Erin, which is never leave me alone in a mall with my credit card. I did some good shopping today! I am quite sad to report that most of the stores were already playing Christmas music. Unbelievable!!!! Their employees will be committing suicide by Holly Jolly Christmas before Thanksgiving. Posted by Picasa

Aunt Erin's Cool Witch Costume

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A little bumbling Porter


Porter's costume was a bit too small for him, but he looked cute anyway. He didn't say trick or treat, please, or thank you all night, but he did run from door to door. And if the house had a dog inside he would just walk right on in. This is one kid who is not afraid of dogs or strangers! Posted by Picasa

A little dry ice and some pumpkins

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Dallin eats a candy rat

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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Natalie abhors change

Natalie cut almost 4 inches off of her hair. You can't tell much from the picture, but she got layers and a "hair style" for the first time in about 15 years we think. Posted by Picasa

not much of a change, but a fun one

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Working Girl

Recently, I've been picking up work as a background extra on various projects. In the past month or so I've worked on 3 different m...

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