In the last 3.5 short days of being with my nephews, darling little Porter (age 21 months) has managed to do the following.
1. Bit the gel handle on my hairbrush, pulling off the "skin" of the handle, leaking the gel out.
2. Threw my shoe in the toilet.
3. Broke my glasses.
4. Painted a wall with my mascara.
5. Poured a Diet Coke in my Coach purse (thankfully my ghetto wallet was in there and soaked it all up)
6. Screamed bloody murder every time I so much as brushed by him, and then when my friend, a complete stranger to him, walked in, he ran up to him, offered him candy, and sat in his lap.
After which I nearly scheduled an emergency tube tying. But then...
7. He let me hold him for 1 whole minute before bed tonight without screaming, crying, threatening to pass out, or hitting me. And even smiled in my general direction. Of course, we had to totally brainwash him into it, but it worked! Brainwashing- I would grab him, he'd scream, but his mom would cheer like it was a good thing. This same trick is used to get him to eat solids. It took about 10 tries. He now allows me to pick him up, he cheers for himself, and then demands to be put back down. But the point is, I actually got to hug him without getting punched in the nose.
(Porter cheering for himself shortly after letting me touch him.)
I just may be willing to have children after all.