With my uncle's death and my cousin's wedding this week, I have had a very long week walking down the family memory lane. And since I know of at least 3 cousins who read this (j, j, and t- hello!) I thought I'd share a few of the memories I can't forget right now.
To the rest of the world, forgive me for what I have to do here. But the real word I want to use is something I do not need coming up in google searches. So I'm going to use a slang term that won't come up in a google search. Read on and you'll see why.
And as clarification, please understand I'm not mocking anyone. I'm just reliving a funny childhood memory that may only make sense to those involved.
My grandmother is a breast cancer survivor and had a mastectomy before I was 8 years old. I don't know when she had the cancer or the surgery, but I know it was before I was 8. I've never asked her any of these questions, (although i probably should), so I don't know why it is what it is. But she has this fake "girl." (and that is where the word i don't having googled would be) And she used to leave it sitting in the bathroom on the back of the toilet.
Now let me describe this fake "girl." It's shaped like a mound or a mountain, is flesh colored, and jiggly. And it is hollow (probably so women who only have partial mastectomies can place it over what they still have). And it was usually sitting in a Tupperware bowl in the bathroom. Sometimes something like a scarf, or pill bottles were sitting inside of the fake girl in the bowl. Sometimes not. Anyway, I'm pretty sure none of us kids really knew what it was or why it was in the bowl in the bathroom. But there it was and we all had theories. And one day my partner in crime (ahem, Karma) and I decided to convince Seth it was a hat. (We were small kids, and the girl was pretty big. Out of respect for my grandmother I won't speculate on size.) So we did. We got Seth to put it on his head. I don't recall if it stayed on, if we got caught, or what happened next. I just remember that we got him to put it on. If anyone else can recall the rest of this memory, please tell me what happened next!
When I was little my favorite game in the whole world was to play "little runaway orphans." I wanted nothing more in life than to live in an orphanage and be friends with Annie. And when my cousins Karma, Tami and Seth came to visit, they got recruited in my game, as did my sister Natalie. "Little Runaway Orphans" required also playing dress up from the closet of old 70's dresses my mom gave us. So one day we all dressed up. The big girls ran away, and then we "grew up," came back, and decided a wedding was necessary. I believe I was the minister for this wedding. And we (and by we I mean me and Karma with Tami trying not to be an accomplice) married Natalie and Seth, and made them kiss. And being little kids, we teased them about that for years to come. Kissing cousins, ooh la la. And I do recall spending an evening when we were about the wise age of 12, doing our best to convince Natalie and Seth that they were now in an arranged marriage for life and they HAD to marry each other. And the best part was that N and S were just about the most gullible kids ever and pretty much fell for everything we told them.
To the best of my knowledge my Uncle Dan was a very kind and gentle man. And yet the memory I keep replaying over and over is of him spanking me. And not just spanking me, but taking the belt off, bending over his knee, and smacking my bare bum. Again, this memory involves Karma and me getting in trouble. Funny how that never changes. We were probably 6 or 7, and I was spending the night at their house. And Karma and I had figured out a way to knock a hole in the wall between two bedrooms by opening the doors and slamming them against the wall. One must presume there was no door stoppy jam thingy. The doorknob hit the wall and we succeeded in punching a hole through it. And being fairly small girls, we could get our hands and arms through this and make a game of pulling each other's arms through the hole from the opposite sides of the wall. If memory serves, Tami wanted no part of this trouble and was sitting on a bunk bed watching, and Seth was just jealous that we wouldn't let him play. So we took a toy of his and passed it back and forth through the wall. And (I'm sure it was Karma, I would never have done this) dropped it in the gap between the two walls of sheet rock. He cried, and we got spanked. I remember Karma went first and cried, and I was absolutely terrified. I lived in complete fear of my uncle for years after that. Which is funny because all of my other memories of him are of him making jokes (or of him telling me and K to stop giggling all night).
And now I'm seriously questioning why our parents ever let K and I be roommates in college??
So there, no real punch lines, no real point to them. Just some silly memories I keep recalling this week. Cousins, if you have any memories you want to share, I'd love to hear them. Feel free to email or put them in the comments section.
PS- the title of this post will only make sense to my cousins.
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