Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I Think I've Finally Lost Me
For months now I have just told myself over and over to "just hang in there." "Give it a few more months." "You're still new here." I keep thinking things will get better. But really, I just can't take it anymore. I'm admitting defeat. I'm admitting I'm just miserable. I'm not the girl I used to be/always was. I can't recall the last time I actually had to use my brain or put forth an effort. I watch 4-5 hours of TV a night because I have nothing better to do. I hate this. I have signed up for volunteer jobs. I attempt to meet people. I'm doing everything I know how. But I am still miserable.
I realized today I am living my worst nightmare. I am a 30 something, with a very average, uninteresting, nothing of a job. I have few friends, no social life. I don't own my home. I am nothing but a total waste of space. This is the one and only goal I ever had for myself- that I would always be engaged in a good cause, and that I would own my home. And none of that is happening.
And I hate it.
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