I have now lived here a full 5 months. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It isn't the life I expected to have when I came, and I have accepted that it never will be that life. I've moved all over the country and never had the problems I've had since moving here. But I'm working on it. I've signed up to volunteer as a "big" in the Big Brother, Big Sister program. I've picked up the new writing gig (which terrifies me). And I am house-hunting. All things I think will improve my spirits some.
It's funny though. You can leave, you can make changes, but somethings will always remain the same. For instance, the singles activity I went to on Friday night. 70 women, 14 men. I met several really nice girls there (obviously, meeting men was not going to happen). 2 girls had lived in DC for 5 years, and knew my name from the activities I did. And another girl is on her way to move out to DC soon. And a fourth girl came up to me (this was in the dark by a bonfire) and asked, "Are you a McBride? I knew it!" On one hand, it made me feel better. I'm not invisible after all. And people did appreciate the activities work I did. On the other hand, it just further frustrated me that I do feel so invisible and small here.
Maybe I just have big fish, small pond syndrome. And right now I'm living the invisible fish, Utah lake version of it?
On the bright side, I have to start buying some furniture. I have practically nothing in the way of furniture out here and I'm looking forward to decorating and designing. I have a beautiful dark gold colored comforter I got for Christmas last year. It has deep green and burgundy accents in it. That will be my centerpiece colors to start from in my bedroom. Anything cream or deep red/crimson/burgundy will make good matches for it. (Rugs, drapes, pillows, linens, etc). So if you happen to see any furniture or accent pieces that go with it, please let me know! (My colors and style aren't easily found at Target or other run of the mill stores.)
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