Friday, January 25, 2008

Now for something different for a change...

Instead of my usual complaints about being sick, I thought I'd shake things up and share a funny event from this week.

A few weeks ago I got bored and decided to join up an online dating service again. Blech. You would think I'd learn and just stay the hell away from the freak shows that inhabit those places. But no, I never learn my lesson and keep going back for more.

A few days ago a surprisingly normal and attractive guy sends me a "flirt" (ridiculous little pre-programmed comments). I have no witty openers and rarely can think of something interesting to start an email conversation with a total stranger. But his profile just looked so nice and normal. Good punctuation, all the words were spelled correctly, etc. (You'd be surprised what a rarity that is.)

Here is my email to him-
"I need some help. Your profile is just way too normal. And I have given up hope that there are normal guys on this site. So can you save me some time and tell me what's wrong with you? Or are you really as normal as your profile makes you look?"

His first reply-
"Just wanted to say hello and that you, my dear, are a knockout. I am an RN and work in bone marrow transplant and oncology. I love what I do and I love life. I have been married and divorced twice with a daughter from each marriage. I own a home in Eagle Mountain and love it here. I like the simple things in life....and have a good sense of humor. Drop a line if you'd like..."

Starts off good, shows some promise, and then WOAH- 2 divorces at 28 years old? Um... Big huge red flag.

And then strangely he writes me again the next day, even though I hadn't replied to him.
"Oh sweetheart........ Thanks for flattering me but I am far from perfect. I have my weaknesses and shortcomings (total Mormon word isn't it?) I can be obnoxious at times and milk gives me gas. I somtimes swear...hell, %$#@! and damn ar my favs...thanks to growing up around my beloved grandpa....whom I am named after!! Also, I am struggling with the church thing right now. Have made some mistakes. Would love to tell you my story over dinner!! Oh yeah....asparagus...I love it!! But it makes my pee stink!! Being an RN I feel I can tell you these things....hope you are not offended.....if you are, I apologize.."

So now we have 2 divorces and flatulence. Oh my. And why is it all of these guys on these supposedly LDS dating sites haven't been to church in forever, and seem to have no interest in going to church, and yet are looking for Mormon girls?

Blah. I'm so tired of dating.


  1. can't...stop...laughing...

  2. You are a riot!

    I tell you... I understand. The only Catholic men I could meet were those who USED to be Catholic - or their mother WAS Catholic. Bah.

    At least the men you find are trying to find their way back.

    In fact, my dear sweet boyfriend is one of those... he realized the error of his ways and came back to church and to the faith with full force! It's a beautiful thing.
    Yeah... at least he skipped the failed marriages and oodles of kids by different women...

    One day you'll find a man so right for you that your disbelief will be redirected... from men with poor spelling and grammar not to mention a lack of common decency... to "If I had to wait my whole life to find him - it was worth the wait!"

    Good luck!

  3. I agree 10000000000000000000000000% with all you say here.

    My good friend met a guy at a dance in Orange County. Now, this guy was active years ago and served a mission and the whole bit. Something changed...and yet he goes to LDS church dances yet has NO desire to attend church.

    I feel bad for my friend who has decided to pursue this with him and bang! 3 years later - here they are. He wants to marry her...but has no desire to ever be active again. She's 45+ and is wondering if her dream to be married in Manti has passed.

    I can't understand why he went to a church dance if he has NO PLAN to ever go back to church?!


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