Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Letter to the Guy Downstairs

To: the very loud music-playing neighbors downstairs
From: Me, a girl who doesn't appreciate latin bass

Re: Your loud music

First, I'd like to thank you for exposing me to a new style of music. Latin hip-hop had not yet made my horizons. Also, thank you for my new cellulite reducing routine. See, your music is so loud that it makes everything in my apartment pulsate. And if I am sitting on the floor, or a chair, or a bed, while you are playing your music, it pulsates just enough to actually reduce the cellulite on my back end. It has taken me years to reduce the amount of cellulite you have removed in just 6 short days of living here.
But I do have a bone to pick with you. It's the second-hand pot smoke. It's wafting up from downstairs and quite frankly making my new home STINK. I did just make a lovely batch of peanut butter chip and chocolate chip cookies, and I was thinking of bringing it down to share with you. Would that work? Would you open a window and turn down the music in exchange for a plate of cookies? Or do you prefer brownies?
Also, I am just a little bit worried about the little 4 year old girl that lives with you. She doesn't have enough body fat to really benefit from the cellulite reduction. Should I bring her some extra cookies?


  1. I'm totally coming over. Let me just wake up the kids and shovel my driveway. Cookies and cellulite reduction - priceless.

  2. I have some letters that might make a difference: DCFS

    Call them. That little girl is in serious danger.

  3. I second Jules' motion


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