Sunday, May 18, 2008

I am what I am, and that's all that I am, and all that I want to be

Sometime last week (who knows when it actually was, the past 3 weeks are nothing but a blur), Heidi sent me this link to an article entitled "Marry Him!" Now, I'll be honest, I won't read most articles sent to me on any subject regarding singles or marriage. Why? No two people are the same, no two relationships are the same. And most of the people who do send me such articles are not people I care to take relationship advice from. Why? I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like theirs, and therefore, don't take their advice. Or even though they may have good intentions, they don't know what it is like to be LDS, single, and in your 30's.

That all being said, Heidi does get what it is like to be LDS, single, and in your 30's. And she's married to a guy I knew when he was single, and they have a very happy and great relationship now. So I'll pay attention when Heidi has something to say on the subject, or sends a link. (**update, Heidi has clarified that she didn't endorse the article. she was just passing it on for the sake of discussion.)

(no offense to all those people who think i am listening)

The article, "Marry Him!," is a case for why you should settle. It is written from the point of view of a woman who chose to artificially inseminate to fulfill her dream of having a child. She is not yet married. Her whole point is that you may as well settle, because men only go downhill from here.

Or in her words-
My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)
She essentially continues on to say that single women are forced into finding fulfillment in their careers, which (in her opinion) are not actually fulfilling. But even a man who isn't Prince Charming can give you things (a bedmate and child) is slightly more fulfilling.

If you want to know what else she says, you'll have to go read the article. Cause from here on down, you are going to be reading what I think on the subject.

I call B.S.

Sorry, but i'm a Type A, go-getter, Red/Yellow, ENT-P personality. Do you honestly really believe I am going to SETTLE? Or that I could want a man who isn't as equally driven and challenging as I am? I would be miserable with anything less.

I say WTH?? Why would anyone want to settle? I could never be the kind of woman who wants to have a companion so badly that I would settle for less than someone who excites and exhilarates me. And I feel sorry for anyone who is so lonely that they believe they have to settle for less than what makes them happy just to say they did get married.

I firmly believe you can have it all. You don't have to get married and have a man to find happiness. You have to set your own goals in front of you and decide what will make you happy. Why the hell would you want to make one of those goals, and all your happiness, determinant upon something you can't control, like finding a man??

If finding a man and getting him to love you is the only thing that can bring your life fulfillment and happiness, God be with you and good luck with that one. For me, my happiness will be predicated on achieving goals I can reach on my own. I'm not going to waste my time in depression and sadness because I haven't met a man. I can't control a man. I can be the best I can ever be (and I will and believe I am working hard on that), and that still won't make some man magically appear.

So why would I want THAT to be the thing that holds up my happiness??

I'll be happy on my own terms, thank you. I will be happy with my accomplishments and achievements. I will be happy by serving others and finding ways to make them happier. I will be happy with the things that I am in control of. And will not waste one minute of my time pining away for something I cannot control.

To those people who believe that settling, just so you can have something, even if it isn't what you really want, because someone told you you can't be happy unless you are married, well, good luck to you. I hope that you do find happiness in that.

But as for me?

I don't think so.


  1. Ack! No advice passed along here! :) I just was interested in your opinion on what they were saying in the article! The only advice I ever have and ever will give my friends is "Do Not Stalk Boys". I learned that from experience!

  2. I get so outraged when people tell me I need to just settle for the next man that comes along. I say "Get bent"! I've seen people that have settled and they are no more happy than me, a single person. Why settle? An individual is so much better than to settle for something less than they deserve.

    Anyway, I'll stop my ranting. Thanks for the article!

  3. That's right up there with...
    "Never been married?!! You must be picky."

    Um. Okay. Did YOU settle? Didn't think so... why should I?

  4. Dang. If I could ONLY write that well!


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