Saturday, July 26, 2008

10 Minutes in the Life of the Kitten That Runs This Place (as typed by his human)

8:01 am: The human's alarm clock has gone off. It is awake. I will cry at it's door until it lets me in. Hmm... if I stick my head far enough under the door maybe I can slide under and get into it's room and bite it's arms! Ooh, drat these ears! They won't quite flatten down. OWWWWWWWW! My HEAD IS STUCK! MY HEAD IS STUCK!!!! HUMAN! COME GET ME OUT! GRRR... Why must the human laugh every time I do this. For laughing at me, I must bite it's arms.

8:02 am: The human has been sucked into the blankets on the big thing in the middle of the room. I must free the human so it can play with me again. I will attack the long things under the blanket.

WOAH! Whatever evil hides under the blanket has retaliated against me. I must have caught 3 inches of air that time. I will pounce again, followed by multiple bites, I am sure this time it will succumb to me, and I will release the human from it's snares... Ooh look! An arm! First, I must chew on the arm for a few minutes. I do love a good tasty arm.

WOAH! The large human hand has tossed me to the floor. Ooh, is that a string. I must kill the string. Wait, what was that invisible thing that just ran past the door. I must chase and attack it.

Drat. The invisible thing has disappeared again. I will run laps around the sofa and couch to make sure the invisible thing has not invaded my lair. Maybe I will break the land speed record this time. Or at least my personal best. Wait! What is that gray furry thing that keeps following me everywhere? I shall attack it.

YEOUCH! The furry gray thing behind me has yet again bested me. With every bite I deliver it somehow bites me back. How does it do that? Hmm.. Well maybe next time. Wait, where is the human? Oh no! Still trapped in the big thing under the blankets. I will free the human. First, I must scale the slippery blankets. SUCCESS! I have found the human. It looks dead. I will bite it's face a few times to be sure. OH GOOD! It is alive! Excellent. I will snuggle with it. Ah... perfect. Nothing I love more than sleeping on the human's chest.

Mmm... perfection.

8:03: That was enough snuggling. Must investigate what hides beneath the blankets. LEGS!!! I LOVE LEGS!!! Ooh and what meaty thighs. I could live off the right one alone for months. It is a little early for fatty meats, but a few bites couldn't hurt, right?

8:03:07- DANG THAT HUMAN! It has thrown me to the floor again. Does it not know how hard it is to scale these blankets. Oh no! The blankets are moving again. How do they do that? I shall cry for help from the human! HUMAN! HUMAN!! The blankets keep waving, and I might fall!!!! AAAGH! I have hit the ground. Again. Fine, I will get a running start from the front door, make a flying leap, land on the blankets, and attack those long things under them. I must save the human.

8:04: Darn. Yet again, I have hit my head on the blankets. Didn't get enough height on that last jump. Maybe if I try again? No, I'll just scale the blankets and get the human. Ooh look! A hand! I love hands! I think I will play with it. Nom, nom, nom,nom. Yum. Uh oh, the hand is reaching for that big gray thing the human puts in its lap. Does the big gray thing not understand that is where I belong? Crap, the human is tapping with its fingers again. CAN.NOT.RESIST! MUST POUNCE! MUST HAVE THE FINGERS!!!

8:06: WOAH! Caught some serious air that time. Maybe 5 whole inches. Will retaliate and climb on to the human's shoulders, and pounce from above. Now, if the human would just hold still I can climb up it's arms I can make the summit by 8:07. I wish the human would wear a shirt more often. Climbing up bare skin can be so tricky. Oh NO! My human is screaming in pain. It must be the evil things under the blankets. I will pounce and attack them. I will save my human!!

8:07- I have freed the human from the blankets. It does not look happy. I should polish it's ankles for it. That will make it happy. Hmm.. The human still doesn't look happy. I should climb it's legs to its shoulder and snuggle with it. That always makes us both happy. Dang, again with the bare skin. Where are the human's jeans when you need them? Oh no! The human is screaming again! I will lick it's hand, that makes it better. Oh good! The big hand has put me on the shoulder, saving me the hassle of navigating the legs further. How convenient! Mmm... shoulder. I do love a good shoulder to snuggle on.

8:08: The invisible invader has reappeared. From this perch on the shoulder I should be able to launch myself and attack it in the air!
8:08:30: Wow. Hard landing! Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, what next? Oh I know. I was going to cry so the human will feed me. A kitten cannot live on legs alone you know. Ooh, feet! I love feet. So much fun to attack as they walk across the room. But they do hurt when they step on you. In fact, I still owe the feet a few good attacks after yesterday's step/smush accident. Man, these feet are tricky to pounce on. They move so fast. But that doesn't matter! I am faster! I shall get them!
8:09: Hmm... what is the human doing? We haven't snuggled in a whole minute at least. Ooh, look. It is headed for the couch with the square gray thing again. Perfect! I can help it type. I love typing. Crap. The big hand has put me on the floor again. Well, no bother. I will climb the human's bare legs again, and get back up.
8:10: The hand wants to play rough today. It keeps swatting me away from the gray thing. Does the gray thing not realize the human loves me more? Ooh, look string. I shall attack. That string will never see me coming!
8:10:03: Success! I have killed the string. Ooh, look, arms! I haven't eaten an arm in forever. I must have some arms!!!! Oh no! The human is screaming again. I know what will make the human better! I will snuggle with it on its chest. It loves that. Ah... perfect. I love to snuggle with my human. Now, if I could just make the hands stop typing. All that noise is disturbing my napping. I know... I will launch myself from this chest, attack the fingers, kill them, and sleep on the gray thing. Ready, set, pounce!

Seofih {SEOrPCAJK{OAWUCr[awer[aoihexa;lksdnf'aosudgbf[a89wytrq

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