Somehow as I started to write this post the Pirates of the Caribbean song got stuck in my head. "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." And now I can make no guarantees about where the thoughts in my head might lead me.
I'm single. There is no white knight on the horizon. I have a cat. I live alone.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm not saying I wouldn't like to find a man to share my life with. I'm just saying I'm happy. Which seems to come as a surprise to some people lately.
In August there are 3 articles in the LDS publication, the Ensign. You can read one by mental health professionals and parents of singles here, an article by a single male that is so generic as to be useless right here and one by a single woman about "finding comfort" in the Scriptures about our horrible horrible singles lives.
All three articles made me gag.
Let's start with mental health professionals. Seriously?? That's the message you want to send to singles? We need mental health counseling? I read the article. And if I wanted an interesting case study on what a single could be defined as, I would recommend this article.
Where's the useful and helpful advice? Do people really think we still need counseling at age 33 on communicating and being patient? REALLY?? PATIENT? To quote Charlotte from Sex and the City, "I've been dating for half my life! Where is he?!" Trust me, after 17 years of dating (which is actually more than half my life) I've got patient covered. And last I checked, I've mastered communications and even got a degree in the subject to prove it.
I can't find any useful counsel to singles over 30 anywhere. Believe me, if I could find it, I'd share it. But since I can't, I'm just going to have to share my own 2 cents worth of advice.
First, be true to yourself. Find your own happiness. Chances are you may never find someone. Do you really want to spend your whole life holding your breath and not appreciating the happiness around you? Be happy with who you are and what you have built for yourself!
Second, always remember the definition of insanity. "Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result." If that is what your dating looks like, stop and think about it.
Don't put your life on hold. I am so tired of hearing people say, "Oh I want to be married before I go to Hawaii." Do you really want to risk never doing anything interesting on the hopes of finding someone? BE SOMEONE! Be someone worth meeting. Don't put your life on hold.
Create your own support network. Fill your life with good friends and people you love. Make meaningful relationships. Having valued relationships and love in your life will never completely take away that basic human desire to have a significant other, but they will help keep you company.
And that's it. That's my advice for now.
Also, I want to share something a friend said on this subject today pertaining specifically to LDS singles.
In this church we lump everyone into categories from the minute they can walk- Sunbeams, CTR's, Beehives, Deacons, etc. And then we do or don't becomes Singles, while the other adults our age just become Saints. Is there any question as to why we never feel like we don't fit in?
I've been in family wards where I have fit in. I've been in singles wards where I have fit in. And I've been in wards where I never did fit in. But the Gospel is still the same. I just wish more people remembered that the Gospel is one size fits all.
And one last thing. There is no singles mecca. Utah does not have some sort of magical pull over singles. In fact, I find it harder here to meet people than I ever did back in DC, FL, and even CA. There is no convenient way to meet people. And there is no central gathering place for singles. And I miss that a lot. I miss the sense of community among singles. And I really miss the go-getters that helped create that community. Utah is seriously lacking in community.
It's a Single's Life for me. I plan to make the most of it. I just wish more people would.
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