I have survived my first week on my new job of working from home for invisible people in other states and countries. And just let me say, it is really hard working from home for people you don't know and don't see, and then at the end of the day, not having a social support network. I sit all day alone in my apartment on my computer, and then when the whistle blows, I still have nothing to do but sit all day alone in my apartment on my computer.
I've been putting some thought into things. Am I unhappy here because I really have such a pathetic social life? Or that I have nearly lost all desire to have one because I rarely meet any quality people? Or is it plain and simple, that I am currently leading a completely unmeaningful life?
Not to get too new age here, but I do think there is something to be said for living a purpose driven life. I also know I am not alone when I say that working in marketing is anything but a purpose driven life. If anything, you have to do so much more to overcome the fact that you work in marketing to feel like you make a contribution. And I do try to do worthwhile things. I volunteer with Boys and Girls Club when I can, and I do the Big Sister thing. And I love doing both, but it isn't enough. At church I am invisible, which is a very new thing for me to grasp still. I'm sure most of my real friends and family can't even conceive of me not being involved at church. But I'm not. I just don't fit in, in spite of my willingness to contribute. It's a big family ward, and well, the one single girl just doesn't have much to contribute I guess.
There's nothing to motivate me these days. Nothing to get excited about. No purpose driving me.
I like money, don't get me wrong. But when all I am doing is working to make more money for more clothes and food, I don't care much. I'm a passionate person. I miss having a passion!
I've never felt this way before. I've always had so much going on! I keep thinking change is just around the bend. But while my life has been full of change for the past year and a half, there still isn't purpose. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How do you get over it?
PS- please do not say something about getting out and dating more. If anything meeting yet another 35 year old "man" who still lives with his parents, has a lame ass job, and saves us up his money to buy more video games and snowmobiles, just depresses me.
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