Monday, November 10, 2008

My Love Life, or Lack Thereof

Warning: I'm about to expose myself on this blog way more than I normally want to. But hey, maybe a little exposure is what I need. And I've come to the strange realization that I have a semi-cult following that reads my blog just for the incriminating and embarrassing stories, as well as the failed adventures in romance I have from time to time. Well, I hope today doesn't disappoint.
*edited version*
I've mentioned the Cute Blushing Boy a few times lately, and now I will share the story of the relationship (like most I have) that will never happen. At least as much of the story as I can risk telling. I'm still worried and have perfectly good reason to believe that one of these days he will do some research on me and possibly find my blog. If he doesn't research me, I'll actually be a little disappointed. Do I need to be embarrassed by the upcoming store? Probably. But he was there, so he knows I've already been through the torture once.
Here's the facts. I frequent his place of business. He is a manager there, and I am something of a problem customer. I'm trying for all I am worth, working with him to no longer be a problem. It has only been because of his incredible customer service and willingness to go the extra mile in helping me that I continue to do business there. Otherwise, being the "please don't make me confront anyone ever" personality that I am, especially when I'm the one who looks really stupid, I would have just suffered the consequences and run away and let things get worse. But because he's been so easy to work with, well, I'm still a customer, and I'm writing this post.
My friends (and you know who you are Juli, Steph, Heidi, Natalie, etc) are tired of hearing about the random and cute exchanges between me and this guy. Lots of talk, no action. But given the oddity of our professional relationship, I have been in no rush whatsoever to do something about that. Somehow over the course of the weekend I let various friends convince me I should ask him out. I have the perfect place to ask him to go. I was really unsure if I should do it, but I somehow convinced myself this afternoon I would. I'm still questioning how that happened.
So it is Monday, and as usual on Mondays, I have Little with me. And as usual, I had to go in to fix things at his place of business. I had it all thought out conveniently in my head. I knew I'd have to talk to him alone for a few minutes, as usual. Until today this has always happened semi-privately in his office. And we always shoot the breeze and flirt for a few minutes. It was going to be so easy to bring up the topic of where I was going, especially with Little there, and then just invite him. It should have been so easy!
But no, it wasn't.
Instead, things just went from professional to awkward to please-get-me-the-hell-out-of-here. For instance, the first employee that was helping me erred on the side of not being discreet. And instead inadvertently embarrassed me by loudly sharing some personal information about me. I could have lived without that.
Next, she knew I needed to talk to him, and instead of getting him, she got the assistant manager to come over. Now, I like the asst manager. She's been nice and helpful. But she has an unnaturally loud voice. And from 30 feet away I hear her say, "Oh, I can help (insert my full legal name) and her daughter."
Um, NOT MY DAUGHTER! Which Little felt the need to reply back- loudly- "She's not my mom! She's my Little Sister!" (Because we always joke that she's the Big, and I'm the Little.)
And now I've caused a tiny scene. There are people waiting in line and all they know my full legal name and the personal information that has been shared loudly, and that I have a confusing relationship with an 11 year old girl who is wearing her pajamas in public.
So the loud assistant manager attempts to handle my business for me. But she needs Cute Blushing Boy's approval. But he's busy. I know how long it takes for my situation to get cleared, so I'm more than willing to step out of line and let other customers be helped. But no, she insists I stay. And loudly she tells him I'm there and waiting, etc, etc. The first truly awkward moment (the other moments were just semi-awkward) was that for the first time ever he didn't acknowledge that I was there. No wave, no smile, no nod, nothing. Very strange for a guy who usually blushes and smiles just when I wave when I walk in the door. (I choose to very reasonably believe he was working on something important and was ignoring the loud girl.)

So I wait and wait and wait. He finally comes over to take care of my problems. He's his usual charming self. We chat, we banter, he flirts with Little. And the original employee, and the asst manager are right there. RIGHT THERE. As in 2 feet away. Oh and there's several customers now in line 1 foot behind me. So roughly 10 people in 10 square feet of space are suddenly the audience to my big chance to ask him out. (So in other words, we're not alone in his office where I can conveniently have a simple personal conversation and ask him out like I had planned.)
The bigger problem? Little and I had discussed in the car how maybe we should invite him to go do this thing with us. And she was all for it. So when she starts to see that I'm not talking to him about the fun thing we're going to do, she does. Let's give the Kid an A for effort. But an F for not realizing wrong time and place.
So suddenly she's saying very random things about what we want to go do. He's trying to get away, because the original employee needs to get back to working, and my usual case of OMEFO (open mouth, everything falls out) has kicked in.
I know I said some stupid things. Thankfully I have no idea what they were. And then he handed me candy and touched my hand. And more stupid things fell out of my mouth, not just cause he touched me, but because I realized then that he was blushing again. I do know I said something about how he didn't need to give me candy because I let Little steal some already and put it in my purse. And then Little said, "It's not stealing. It was just borrowing without asking first. But we're not giving it back." Maybe not the best thing to say in a place of commerce.
There were a few more awkward moments as he attempted to be professional and flirt at the same time, and make sure I was okay with business, and see when I would be back again. I attempted to be really pleasant and nice and not act like my own face was burning up. (It's burning again right now just typing this.) And finally we left.
We're not outside 2 seconds when Little says, "You are SO funny around boys! You get all dreamy and act stupid! You're funny! I can't wait till we come back next week."
As if THAT wasn't enough to make sure I'll never go back again, let alone take her in there with me again, I am dumb enough to ask what exactly I did.
She then proceeds to act my side of things out in the parking lot, in the pouring rain, in her pajamas. "Oh Cute Blushing Boy, you are so NICE and HANDSOME to HELP little old me EVERY TIME something goes WRONG! You are SO GOOD to ME!" (insert 11 year old girl swooning voice and motions on every all caps words)
And then she says, "But its okay. He likes you too. He tries too hard to be nice." Which of course leads her to acting out his side as well. (someone should be questioning my judgment for letting the girl who was already sick, and out in public in pajamas, stand in the rain to act this out) It went something like this- I think-
"Oh ERIN, how can I HELP YOU today? Do you need MY HELP? Here, LET ME RESCUE YOU!"
I admit, I laughed a little as she did her best deep male swooning voice in the parking lot.
But if a kid thinks I/we acted like that, what did the adults think???
So no, I did not ask him out today. And no, I have (thankfully strangely) no reason to have to go back in and be a problem customer for at least another 5-7 days. Did you really think I was going to be able to ask him out with an audience of 10 people surrounding me, while what was a quiet business exchange suddenly turned into a loud 3 ring circus?
No. You didn't.
And if I seem a little incoherent, the picture below was taken as I typed this. It's not easy to type with a "kitten" determined to snuggle on you. (See how my cheeks are all rosy and blushing still! I'm not making this up.)


  1. Your kitten is getting rather huge.

    Yes, your cheeks are rosy.

    I'm just glad you didn't ask him out. I thought that's what you were getting at. I could so relate to the awkwardness of this post but when you two are married it will be just a funny story at your reception. ;-)

  2. Sounds like a bank to me. Bank tellers do that to me all the time. "What's my balance again" "OH, YOU'RE OVERDRAWN BY $300!" "Um, no, that really can't be possible since I just deposited lots of money and haven't spent any for the last week." "BUT IT SAYS RIGHT HERE THAT..."

    And it turns out they were looking at someone else's account.

  3. hmmm..I am waiting with bated breath to see what happens. Hm little embarrased to bring this up but I have a cool brother in law. I'll leave it at that. :) (don't hate me for bringing it up :)

  4. Reading this and what seeing what Little had to say, I think that something good will come of this.

    Keep smiling!

  5. Sisty Ugler11:25 AM

    You so funny!

    Maybe you shouldn't ask him out. You should wait for him to make the first move. That way you will know fo sho that he really does dig you the same way. Besides, you are making a lot of effort to see him right now (even if it is by default). The ball is in his court. When circumstances are that you won't need to go in as much, he will show that he doesn't want to loose you by asking you out. So, I say, be patient, and let him be a real man and ask you out.

  6. OMG! This is the first blog post in the entire blogosphere that I have laughed aloud at in MONTHS!!!

    Your sis has a good point. Let him be the man and do the asking. But I agree with you - if you had an event to go to with Little - and could casually invite him to join or meet you there - something like that is the frying pan he needs to be hit over the head with.

    Of course it's probably best to wait until the situation is resolved before (I'm guessing what the situation and business is involved here - and I'm fairly certain I am right) any romancing commences... just for the sake of propriety. And that's probably what he is waiting for.

    can't wait!

  7. I'm with Natalie on this one. :) But I hope it works out!


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