Thursday, December 04, 2008

The one where I impart my wisdom upon you

Okay, when I made my confession that I am a pro stalker I expected a little more teasing, and less support. But I what I really didn't expect was for people to ask me for tips on how to stalk someone online. I guess we can chalk this post up to using my powers for good.

I shall now impart my wisdom upon the masses.

Online stalking is so much more than just using Google. Google is for amateurs. If you really want to stalk you have to go beyond Google and embrace tools like LinkedIn, Facebook, MySpace, and 411.com. Of course, these tools only work if you know the person's full name. And it really helps if you know what town they live in as well.

Now we're still only in pro-amateur country here. To really go pro, you have to figure out what the person's job is. If you know what company he/she works for, look up the company website and/or blog. A lot of companies put up profiles or bios on their employees. You can learn a lot that way. Sometimes they even (stupidly) put up rosters with phone numbers and email addresses. Excellent for stalkers. Don't know what company they work for? Google their profession, what town you think they work in, and their name. Or, if you know their name and profession, and it just happens to be the kind of profession that has a professional society (for example, the American Medical Assn, Texas State Bar Assn, etc) look them up on the professional society's website and database.

Need to take it farther than that because you are a total psycho? Hire me. I'm a professional Online Reputation Management Specialist. I can't give you all of the keys to my kingdom. I have to keep some of my secrets!

BTW, rarely ever, do I take it as far as I know how to take it. A little knowledge can take you a long way. (It just apparently can't make cute blushing boys actually ask you out. Buyers beware.)

5 comments:

  1. Oh, I've done many of those. Even found out when my ex was hiding a job. It's kind of fun.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There are a couple others I can think of, too, which you're holding closer to your vest. You have to be professional-stalker quality to locate authors sometimes to ask them for blurbs. Often their addresses are hard to find on purpose.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Also, I don't show up on 411.com. I think that only works if you're listed in the White Pages--which means if you only use a cell phone, you're harder to stalk. At least so far.

    Every used zabbasearch?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stacer, I can't be sure, but it looks like you do come up under your old address. 411 actually works off of credit and public utility records. You haven't lived in your current location long enough to show up on there yet, I would expect.
    Never heard of zabbasearch.

    ReplyDelete
  5. If you're talking about the Seattle hits with my name, no. I never lived at those addresses. There's some other person with my name living in the Seattle area.

    ReplyDelete

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