*disclaimer* at some point my mother and few other people will read this and ask why on earth i put myself out there so much. why did i share something so personal? the answer is simple and two-fold. first, i know i'm not the only single girl who is confused and hurting and would really like to know she's not alone. second, i genuinely like feedback.
Today I did something that to some of you is nothing. I asked out a guy. You have to understand that I do this only once in a blue moon, so it is a big deal for me. My record is terrible in this area- 1 for 7, including today. One yes, 7 no's. And that one yes was one of the worst dates in history. (Not the date itself- the guy!) But today was different. The guy I asked is a guy I am very, very interested in, and have been for a long time now. I only did it because I honestly truly thought he was interested back. I had and still have every reason to think that. He turned me down, but in what may be the nicest rejection ever. Including telling me where he has to be, and that he still really wants to see me. It was believable. So although it was a no, I actually felt more confident than before that he's interested.
Sounds good, right?
It was great right up until the point where I ran into him unexpectedly with a girl this evening. He only introduced her to me when asked. He totally ignored her, and was really happy to see me. Including mentioning in front of her about the date that won't be happening, and making me promise to come over and see him this week. All very odd things to say to a girl in front of another girl that may or may not be a girlfriend.
I am completely and in every way confused. And trying to convince myself to not be hurt by it. I keep going back to the part this morning where he appeared to be genuinely happy that I asked him out. (Would some of my girlfriends who witnessed that please vouch for me in the comments section??)
Maybe it wasn't a girlfriend. Maybe it was just a friend, or a sister, or a cousin. I don't know. I'm just confused. And trying really hard not to be hurt. I'm too confused to know whether or not I should be hurt.
But wait! There's more- in the form of the rest of my life!
I have a job. A job that causes me a lot of stress lately.
I have PMS. If you are a girl, you understand.
I am giving a talk* on Sunday in church. And maybe teaching Relief Society* as well. (I was only asked today about RS. I politely let them know I'd be happy to do it, but that I'm also speaking. I haven't heard back one way or another yet.) I actually enjoy public speaking. I like giving talks. But there is a bit more pressure than usual when it is on Easter (a day when people have higher expectations than usual), and I am still so new!
My favorite character died on House last night. This upsets me greatly!!
The State of Virginia is yet again claiming I owe them property taxes. I LIVE IN FREAKING UTAH! My car is registered in Utah! GET OVER IT!
I am having a party at my house on Friday (and you are all invited). I've had 21 confirmed yes RSVPs. And about 100 maybes. This does not make it any easier to plan and prepare for the party! AT ALL!
"Little" introduced me to a fun new song yesterday. I liked it a lot, but thought the lyrics were confusing. So I looked them up. And holy crap. You are all now forbidden from singing the Britney Spears "If You Seek Amy" song. And so are your children.
When I told a few friends about the confusing encounter with the guy this evening, (friends who know how long I have been interested in him), a few of them were really dismissive of my feelings, which hurt even more. Sorry if my little dumb single girl problems are that insignificant to you. I guess I just expected a little more sympathy. I can't even remember the last time I was really interested in a guy, let alone had one really hurt and confuse me like this.
I spent several hours on the floor, with a heating pad, crying in pain today, all while trying to continue working on this big work project.
And my cat finally caught his first mouse. Except it wasn't a mouse, it was a hamster. (Some poor neighbor kid is going to hate my cat!) And if PMS and the accompanying nausea wasn't bad enough, I had to pretend to be thrilled my cat left a half-dead, bloody hamster on my steps today.
Now will someone please give me a hug and chocolate??
*For my approximately 3 non-Mormon friends who read this. In our church the "sermons" are not given by a pastor or priest each week. They are instead called "talks" and given by members of the congregation each week. A different member is asked each week and is given a subject matter.
"Relief Society" is the women's auxiliary program of our church. Whereas, most churches (I try not to be jealous) only have mass and Sunday School, we have Mass/Sacrament Meeting, Sunday School, and a third hour where the women go to Relief Society and the men go to Priesthood. Generally it is a lot like Sunday School, except in RS the women get a lot more emotional, and there's an assigned regular teacher. No one told me why they need a last minute substitute this week.