Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Just when you thought middle school couldn't get worse

I'm so confused tonight I want to just give up and cry. But I keep telling myself that is the overwhelming and unexpected PMS talking. I keep feeding it chocolate, but it refuses to go away. There are still too many details that are unresolved about this day to be able to really know if I'm happy, sad, or confused. But I'm going to try. If at some point while you read this post you feel the overwhelming urge to give me hugs and chocolate, please do. I need them.

*disclaimer* at some point my mother and few other people will read this and ask why on earth i put myself out there so much. why did i share something so personal? the answer is simple and two-fold. first, i know i'm not the only single girl who is confused and hurting and would really like to know she's not alone. second, i genuinely like feedback.

Today I did something that to some of you is nothing. I asked out a guy. You have to understand that I do this only once in a blue moon, so it is a big deal for me. My record is terrible in this area- 1 for 7, including today. One yes, 7 no's. And that one yes was one of the worst dates in history. (Not the date itself- the guy!) But today was different. The guy I asked is a guy I am very, very interested in, and have been for a long time now. I only did it because I honestly truly thought he was interested back. I had and still have every reason to think that. He turned me down, but in what may be the nicest rejection ever. Including telling me where he has to be, and that he still really wants to see me. It was believable. So although it was a no, I actually felt more confident than before that he's interested.
Sounds good, right?
It was great right up until the point where I ran into him unexpectedly with a girl this evening. He only introduced her to me when asked. He totally ignored her, and was really happy to see me. Including mentioning in front of her about the date that won't be happening, and making me promise to come over and see him this week. All very odd things to say to a girl in front of another girl that may or may not be a girlfriend.
I am completely and in every way confused. And trying to convince myself to not be hurt by it. I keep going back to the part this morning where he appeared to be genuinely happy that I asked him out. (Would some of my girlfriends who witnessed that please vouch for me in the comments section??)
Maybe it wasn't a girlfriend. Maybe it was just a friend, or a sister, or a cousin. I don't know. I'm just confused. And trying really hard not to be hurt. I'm too confused to know whether or not I should be hurt.

But wait! There's more- in the form of the rest of my life!
I have a job. A job that causes me a lot of stress lately.
I have PMS. If you are a girl, you understand.
I am giving a talk* on Sunday in church. And maybe teaching Relief Society* as well. (I was only asked today about RS. I politely let them know I'd be happy to do it, but that I'm also speaking. I haven't heard back one way or another yet.) I actually enjoy public speaking. I like giving talks. But there is a bit more pressure than usual when it is on Easter (a day when people have higher expectations than usual), and I am still so new!
My favorite character died on House last night. This upsets me greatly!!
The State of Virginia is yet again claiming I owe them property taxes. I LIVE IN FREAKING UTAH! My car is registered in Utah! GET OVER IT!
I am having a party at my house on Friday (and you are all invited). I've had 21 confirmed yes RSVPs. And about 100 maybes. This does not make it any easier to plan and prepare for the party! AT ALL!
"Little" introduced me to a fun new song yesterday. I liked it a lot, but thought the lyrics were confusing. So I looked them up. And holy crap. You are all now forbidden from singing the Britney Spears "If You Seek Amy" song. And so are your children. 
When I told a few friends about the confusing encounter with the guy this evening, (friends who know how long I have been interested in him), a few of them were really dismissive of my feelings, which hurt even more. Sorry if my little dumb single girl problems are that insignificant to you. I guess I just expected a little more sympathy. I can't even remember the last time I was really interested in a guy, let alone had one really hurt and confuse me like this.
I spent several hours on the floor, with a heating pad, crying in pain today, all while trying to continue working on this big work project.
And my cat finally caught his first mouse. Except it wasn't a mouse, it was a hamster. (Some poor neighbor kid is going to hate my cat!) And if PMS and the accompanying nausea wasn't bad enough, I had to pretend to be thrilled my cat left a half-dead, bloody hamster on my steps today.

Now will someone please give me a hug and chocolate??

*For my approximately 3 non-Mormon friends who read this. In our church the "sermons" are not given by a pastor or priest each week. They are instead called "talks" and given by members of the congregation each week. A different member is asked each week and is given a subject matter. 
"Relief Society" is the women's auxiliary program of our church. Whereas, most churches (I try not to be jealous) only have mass and Sunday School, we have Mass/Sacrament Meeting, Sunday School, and a third hour where the women go to Relief Society and the men go to Priesthood. Generally it is a lot like Sunday School, except in RS the women get a lot more emotional, and there's an assigned regular teacher. No one told me why they need a last minute substitute this week. 


  1. I am so happy to read your blog tonight. Which I don't mean to sound as it does, because you are having a hard day. I mean I am happy because it is exactly what I needed to hear. Because I too like to feel like I am not alone. It is comforting to share the same feelings as someone else.

    This was just too weird because before I twittered over to your blog, I was eating a Reese's peanut butter cup and feeling sorry for myself for having cramps. So I feel your pain - literally.

    But also figuratively. I feel the single-girl syndrome. The feeling that you were meant to be alone - and it sucks.

    I have had my share of rejection and i've gone on some pretty terrible dates (I should blog them)But I am not going to let those prevent me from trying again. I hope you don't get discouraged. I think it's AWESOME that you put your self out there and stepped up to the plate to ask him out. It seems he feels the same way.

    My best friend is a guy. We frequently have to explain that we are not together. From the sounds of it - the girl you saw him with tonight was not a girl of interest to him - or he wouldn't have said the things he did. He spoke to you the way MY friend would have spoken in front of me.

    Keep trying and don't give up hope. I won't.

    P.S. As one of your non-mormon readers, I appreciate the explanation...thanks : )

  2. Thanks Sara! That was what I needed to hear!

  3. Ugh, I so understand where you're coming from too. So many of your blog entries I swear I could have written myself during my single years, you know? Single, independent woman living in a new state... In fact, this very thing DID happen to me with Scott. He turned down my first date proposal and it felt like a knife... but he really did have travel plans and was eager to take me out when he got back.

    From your story, I say just believe him. My *opinion* of men is that the nice ones say what they mean and mean what they say... so I think he sounds like he's being sincere in his enthusiasm in seeing you.

    Maybe he really did just have plans for the date asked but is open to a date? I would give it a few days and see if he makes the next move. The ball is in his court... but I MUST commend you for asking him. I think that takes guts, courage, and confidence.

    If I know you, you go out and get what you want. And I have no doubt you'll do just that. ;)

  4. Good job asking the guy out! I think he's being honest and wants to go on a date with you. Why else would he make a point of saying that when he was out with another girl? The girl was obviously someone he felt comfortable saying that in front he's not hiding anything from you *or* the girl.

    Hang in there!

  5. Hang in there Erin. I could have written this post a couple of times too back when I was single. You're totally normal, and so are your feelings. Seriously though, I know it sucks to hear it, but just wait. You'll see that your faith in this guy is not totally misplaced. He sounds sincere, if not, well, guy-ish.

  6. First off, let me say he woud NOT be asking you to come by and see him if he was on a date. It could have been a long-time friend, family member, etc.
    I feel your pain on the pms...I too get it horrible. I've heard that soy helps balance out hormones. So, I try and drink a glass of soy milk daily.
    I'll have to check out that song...haven't heard it yet.
    Oh, and BRAVO to you for asking a guy out... I could NEVER do that.

  7. and....I was distrubed by the surprise on House lastnight also.

  8. Anonymous5:21 AM

    OK I will give you the obligatory hug and choco-pie and then say a few non-bitter words from a guy's perspective.

    First the PMS sorry I can give you no love there, not because I'm a bad person but I'm a guy and don't/can't have the proper perspective. I have often heard that if something bleeds for a week and doesn't die you should run as far and as fast from it as possible as it is likely some alien mutant killer robot thing out to eat your soul.

    2nd the hamster may be wild. They are a plains/prairie animal Hopefully its wild and congrats on having a cat that will work for room and board.

    3rd I did RSVP but had to decline as the travel distance is too great and you wont be having fried chicken to go with the Waffs.

    4th congrats on putting yourself out there. Now to be a guy dont let yourself cry just feel a touch nauseated and feel like a schmuck

    5th That girl means very little to him if he talked to you in front of her about y'all's future date. There are several reasons he may have done this but all of them bode well for you. Dont bum rush him and dont quiz him about this "other" girl follow up on the date you want to have with him. I believe you are in the catbird seat on this one.

    some..insert proper adjective..guy

  9. Ooh ErinAnnie - I'm sorry I didn't see this post last night - I thought it was the middle school story - and that the update was the entry you referred to - which made me rather confused.... but enough about me.

    Good for you for showing your intentions to this guy. (Can I hope that he is cute blushing boy? Or should I just keep my mouth shut!!?)
    He sounds sincere. But we won't know for sure for a while - though will we?

    Just know that you put your heart out there - which is scary - and he should have a clear idea that if he's interested, you're interested. If that's not enough to propell him to move - then good riddance - he's not good enough for you.

    But then, I am the blind leading the blind in this situation. So you might not want to listen to me.

    And - I really feel for you - regarding the fact that you have friends who dismissed your pain.

    I don't understand what it is about married people who can't relate to being single. WEREN'T WE ALL BORN SINGLE?!?!?!? Why is it that we singles can relate and sympathize with their married problems even though we've never been married?
    I wonder sometimes if marriage turns people selfish. They can't see outside of that one big relationship anymore.

    Honestly, if I am ever married, Erin Annie - don't let me turn into one of THOSE married people!

    And finally - if I could take a trip a right now - I would be on my way over with a hug, some chocolate and my strong fingers to work that spot out of your back (without being creepy girl on girl!) If you ever have time to slip away to Denver - you can crash at my house.
    Open invitation. Always.


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