Thursday, August 13, 2009

Foster Care Update

Actual conversation between me and the foster care licensing people:

Young female on the phone: We received your documents, but noticed you are missing a few things. We need a copy of your life insurance policy, and your divorce decree.
Me: I'm not divorced.
Her: Oh, then a copy of your marriage certificate.
Me: I'm not married.
Her (a little confused): Oh, then your divorce decree.
Me (annoyed): I'm not married or divorced, I'm single.
Her (long pause): Oh. Okay, well, we need you to send in documentation for that.
Me (really annoyed): Um, what are you talking about?
Her (trying to sound smart): We need a certificate or something regarding your marital status.
Me (beyond annoyed): Yeah, I was BORN this way, it doesn't exactly come with certification.
Super long pause while the poor hamster in her head nearly has a heart attack.
Her: Huh? What? Well, we need something.

(my neighbor's suggestion: scan a picture of my left hand giving them the bird. it's tempting. another suggestion was create an eharmony profile and send that in.)

Its starting to feel like this foster parent application process will never end. I've had a few irritating experiences with the paperwork process up to this point, but nothing anywhere near as frustrating as what happened yesterday.
The background (so that you can feel my annoyance better): about 2 months ago I had to send in several background check forms. Having lived out of state in the past 5 years means I had to fill out a specific form for them to do an out-of-state background check. The form specifically said I had to send in a money order for that background check. So I got it all together and sent that in. About a week later I got a phone call saying that I didn't need to send in the money order because "the State" covers all fees for prospective foster parents. I was confused, but whatever. They sent back the form (saying my VA drivers license number was good enough), and the check.
Last week I had to send in about 20 pages of all sorts of stuff to "the State" that covered things from how to evacuate my house in case of a fire, to which neighbors would serve as emergency contacts if something were to happen to me. No big deal. Sent it all in- in the envelope they provided that came pre-addressed specifically for the purpose of returning these forms. Or at least you would assume that is why they provided it, right?
So yesterday I get this big fat envelope in the mail. It has ALL of the forms I sent in last week stuffed inside. The attached letter says that I have accidentally mailed all the forms to the wrong person. How is that even possible?!?! I mailed it in the envelope they provided!! Again, whatever. That person, I might add, has been my only contact person at the State so far. FRUSTRATING. No indication as to who I should be sending it to. But here's the kicker. That person then noticed that my file was missing my out-of-state background check form, and included it, asking me to fill it out.
So I filled it back out again yesterday, and had to get it notarized. Oh, and it wants a money order to accompany it. I decided to play a little roulette with it and not send in a money order again. And I mailed it all back in yesterday (in the envelope they provided to that same exact person).
Oh and they also asked for a copy of my marriage certificate. AGAIN.
I get home from the notary (my bank) and post office and contemplate who the heck I am supposed to send the 20 forms to. As I flip through the forms looking for a clue, a name jumps out at me. My notary's name. Why? Because it is on the emergency evacuation form as an option of where to go in case I die in a fire and my future children need a place to run for help. (He's my neighbor as well as a notary.) And I can feel it coming now. You know that someone somewhere is going to realize his name is on more than one document and question it.
So today's new project? Find some white-out, take his name off the form, and learn another neighbor's name so I can send my children there in case I die in a fire. I told him the situation this morning. He laughed and thinks I should leave it just to see if anyone does catch on.
Oh and I'm still working on producing evidence I am single. Any ideas?


  1. That is ridiulous - how on earth are you supposed to document single? Aren't you single until proven married (or divorced)?!

    That's even worse than the SSA's insistance I document Woodstock's identity (at 6 months old) with something other than a birth certificate - which was "unacceptable." Pray tell, what exactly was I supposed to use? It's not like babies typically NEED ID for crying out loud!

  2. I understand why they are so intent on documentation that you are single. They probably think that you are hiding the fact that really you are married and your spouse used to molest children. Most single people don't foster kids, so they aren't used to having someone who is single and wants to foster a kid. It kind of seems ridiculous, but kind of doesn't.

  3. That's... that's unbelievable. Documentation of your single status? What planet does this girl come from?

  4. Oh my! This should be an episode for "The Office" or something. You can't make this stuff up.

    Maybe you can have a church record along with your Facebook marital status to prove it...or your blog.(-:

  5. Anonymous8:34 PM

    You are in Utah send in a copy of your individual church record it shows present and past martial status. Also just because I am bitter I might consider printing out my entire genealogy bury the page about me in the middle somewhere and then send carry it in to the office ask to speak with an actual person then feign stupidity and act like you just dont understand and here is everything you could dig up about your self and then give them an unorganized box with your church geneology, a draft of your book (where I am sure you mentioned your martial status) photocopies of your journals, all of them, your church record sheet copies of all your banking statements etc etc and then let them paw through the paperwork while you sit angelically smiling and then leave with a bit of a flounce/bounce in your step.

  6. Anonymous9:56 PM

    Write an affidavit stating that your marital status is single and that you have never been married. Your notary friend may have a generic affidavit form. If not you can find examples online.


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