Monday, October 05, 2009

Thoughts on Marriage by a Single Girl

Thoughts on marriage by a single girl? Should be completely pointless, right? Maybe. But maybe not.

While most thoughts of marriage for a woman over 30 are not necessarily all positive and hopeful, there are some reassuring thoughts of marriage at times. Some of what I know about marriage has come from watching my own parents, but really, that only taught me about that one marriage. Most of what I know about marriage has come from carefully watching my friends over the past ten years. There have been marriages I have admired. Many I felt sad for. Many I wondered what made them ever get married in the first place. And all I have learned from.

If there is one over-riding detail in all of the less than gloriously happy marriages, it has been that the wife has little to know independence or self-assurance. She has no idea how to take care of herself or be alone. And in a strange way, this is a reassuring thought to a single woman over 30. If there is anything I know, it is that I can take care of myself. I know myself. I know who I am, independent of all other people. And it is a hopeful and reassuring thought that I do not need a man to make me happy. I am happy. If I do ever marry it will only be because I have found someone who makes my life better for being in it. And not because I think he'll give me a good life.

I wonder how many people married their spouse because they thought he/she would give them a good life, or because they made their life better? There is a huge difference, and one I fear most people don't see. Or how many people stay in marriages because they have no idea how they would function alone?

I watch the less than stellar marriages and wonder if either party truly believes their life is better because their spouse is in it?

It is reassuring to know that I have a beautiful life. I am happy. I'm good. And I will never have a bad marriage. The only marriage I will ever have is one that improves my life and makes me happier.


  1. Hear hear!!

    There is nothing sadder than to see a married woman who has no concept of ever being alone or has no ability to take care of herself.

    And I think you are absolutely right, that is the (at least one) recipe for a bad marriage. If one accepts a man for making her life better rather than for making her life possible - she can only be loads happier!! Very good explanation.

    My best friend told me about her husband's friends, the men, who bragged that their wives have never EVER had a job.
    They thought it was impressive that they were such great providers. We thought it was really scary that these women a) had no way out if things went very bad and b)had no clue what they would do if their husbands met an unfortunate demise.


    The ability to live alone and provide for yourself is empowering. Much better to want a man than to NEED a man.

    Also, I stumbled upon a movie on tv the other night... the Everlasting Promise or some such...
    The young woman turned down a proposal from very wealthy, handsome man (this was based in the early 1900s) because he boasted how he could take care of her, she would want for nothing and never have to face adversity.
    She told him, "I could never marry a man who viewed adversity as anything other than something that should be faced together."

    Instead, she married the poor, hard-working farmhand who helped her family while her father was gravely ill - as he understood adversity and proved he would tackle it shoulder to shoulder with her!
    The best movie ending I've seen in years!

    (sorry for the long post)

  2. P.S. the movie was Love's Enduring Promise

  3. Erin!

    Great post...I concur on every level. I just started dating someone about 2 months ago and I have told him the same thing basically, "I don't NEED you in my life...but I WANT you in my life. I was perfectly happy before he came along and as long as he doesn't NEED me but WANTS me...and as long as we think we are both happier than we were before we met...then the way I see it is..."So far so good!" :)



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