Thursday, November 12, 2009

My Violin Playing Goat

It feels like how being in love should be. Floating through a dark blue sky." "With a goat playing the violin.""Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat."
True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.” 

You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.”

"When love feels like magic, you call it destiny. When destiny has a sense of humor, you call it serendipity." 

I feel like you are the reward for everything I did right in my life.”

"I read once that love is friendship on fire. That's how I feel about you.” 

"I'm looking for a dare to be great situation." 

"You had me at hello."

"You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time." 

"That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else."

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

"I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night."

This blog post started out several days ago with a very different intent. A friend and I were discussing how my ideals have changed. How now I am no longer looking for a good and comfortable companion to live with. Now that I am in my mid-30s, stable, happy, and quite content with the path I am on, I have no desire to upset the apple cart to make room for a comfortable companion. If I'm going to change my life and allow someone in like that it will be for nothing less than fireworks and shooting stars. My friend argued with me that she didn't agree. After all, marriage isn't all fireworks and shooting stars, is it? The excitement fades away to comfortable companionship. But that's just the thing. I am comfortable. I have a good companion (my dog, Kaya). I don't want to uproot my life for something I already have. Loneliness is not an issue for me. I am quite content alone. There is no reason to change except for the exceptional!

But like I said, that was the direction this post was headed in several days ago. Tonight, aided most by sleeping pills, I'm feeling more daring, more open than usual. And when I read the romantic quotes of the silver screen, I can't help but think of what kind of man could stir that sort of emotion up in me. The truth is most days of the week I can't imagine that after this much time, this many bad experiences, this many broken hearts, that there is a man who so much wishfulness up in me. But sometimes when I least expect it I will get a glimpse of goodness in a man and it gives me hope that somewhere out there one man contains all of the goodness I am looking for.

I could make a checklist of qualities that my ideal man must exude. But I learned in my 20s that that is just a silly thing to do. Why exclude a wonderful man just because he matches his socks, or doesn't like country music? Instead, tonight, I think I can succinctly sum it all up in just a few short lines.

I want a man brave enough to daringly defy the odds and wants to give up the comfortable and convenient single life with me. I want a man who isn't afraid to be great. I want a man who has the courage to put his heart on the line and risk it all- for me.

Because what are all those romantic movie quotes about except putting your heart on the line and risking it all? All the way down to the violin playing goat. Because happiness isn't happiness until you have done the thing no one thought possible. You risked your own happiness to find love. You put yourself out there and achieved the inconceivable. You played the violin. You are the violin playing goat.

And that is what I am looking for- a violin playing goat. And nothing less.


  1. Interesting post. It leads one to believe that you are very conflicted when it comes to men. It almost sounds like you don't believe that you could enjoy a man enough to want to be around him for an extended period of time. Contentment is great and so is company. Someone will sweep you off your feet. You just need to let them.

  2. I feel the same way!!! Here's to finding our violin playing goats!

  3. Ahh, I loved the quotes (I love "When Harry Met Sally") and I really enjoyed your post.

    What you said reminded me of a quote I wrote down from a workshop I attended years ago. Someone from the audience had asked the speaker about marriage and what would be a good enough reason to marry. The answer was nothing less than it invokes a "Heck yes!" reaction from you.

    You don't get to be our age and single without incurring a few battle wounds. But you also hopefully get to know yourself very well and the type of person you would really click with and how you expect to be treated.

    I think the beauty of the 30's is you have such an increase of self confidence that the outside pressures just don't seem to matter that much to you anymore. You know who you are and what makes you happy.

    I'm so happy that you enjoy your life exactly as it is and make plans to move forward, partnered up or not.

  4. Melinda-
    your comments surprised me. I am in no way conflicted about my feelings. If anything, I am sure that there are a great number of people out there we could live contentedly side by side with. But I don't really need or want that. I'm content enough as it is.
    It may sound silly, but I actually have a similar view towards food. Whenever I eat out with friends I have a strict policy about trying other people's food. If I like what I'm eating, I won't taste what other people have. What if I like it more than my own? Then all that results is I don't like what I have. But if I don't like what I have, I willingly sample other dishes. But if I have a dish in front of me that I am enjoying, but there's something so amazing on the table that I just have to have it, I will try it. Because who can settle for good, when great is available?
    Its the same with me and men, in a rather odd way. If I'm happy, I don't need to rock the boat. But if I'm unhappy I'll try other dishes (guys that don't amaze me). But I am happy, I'm perfectly happy right now. So the only way I'll change my dish is for someone absolutely amazing.

    I always enjoy your comments! Thank you!
    And you too Steamed Dumpling!

  5. LOL, I hadn't realized I was arguing the point. However, there is a big difference between the companionship of a dog and the helpmeet of a partner.

    I think that in sometimes in trying to be content with the situation we're in we try to convince ourselves that another situation wouldn't be good.

    But, yes, find a man who wants YOU, not just one who doesn't want to be alone.


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