Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Reset Button

Now that the family issues have settled down and I've had time to myself, I've had a lot more time to start thinking about my unemployment situation. I've started to call this phase of life the unexpected reset button.
Normally, you want to be the one who hits the reset button on your life. You want that control. You want to be the one who chooses what changes will happen in your life. But when unemployment happens, it is like someone else has hit the reset button on your life, and there's nothing you can do about it. You are at the world's mercy. Someone else has upset your priorities and activities, not to mention your livelihood. Someone else has changed the biggest time suck of your day. And your hands are tied. There is nothing you can do about it.
So the reset button has been hit, and I have no choice but to deal with it. So here I am.
I search for jobs and send in applications. I wait for someone else to read it. I wait for someone else to care. I do my best, and just sit and wait.
On a recent episode of "Bones," Bones and Booth discussed the phrase "heart breaking." In typical Bones style, Bones pointed out that you can't actually break a heart. It is a muscle, it gets crushed, not broken. And shouldn't the expression be, "That's heart crushing?" I liked that. Broken things can be repaired. But crushed things are never the same again, no matter how much it is repaired.
I've made the "heart crushing" decision to apply for positions outside of Utah. I don't want to leave Utah. It will crush my heart if it happens. But I have to go to where the best job takes me. I love my life in Utah. I do not want to upset the apple cart. I don't want to have to change everything. But after a good long look at the job situation, I have come to accept that my future may lie somewhere else. I guess only time will tell.

1 comment:

  1. Love the 'reset button' analogy.
    So very true.

    I am so sad for you, concerning the great progress you have made in your foster care efforts. However, I have great anticipation for what might happen if you do move. Maybe another foster care system?
    Maybe you are on the path to being available for a girl who needs you - SPECIFICALLY YOU - more than any other girl.

    And remember that it may seem that life circumstances have hit the reset button for you --- but it is our great and wise Father above who handles the controls.

    Reset... move... start here, my precious child you were on the right path but in the wrong place.

    hee hee... my word verification is unstu --- and I'm thinking 'unstuck'. also apropos don't you think?


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