Sitting there in the middle of the congregation, I mentally tuned her out. I wondered if she knew our ward has over twenty single adults right there in the room? That there are twenty individual households in our ward that the articles, in theory, do apply to. Does she care? Or does she think singles are just a funny little anomaly that need “help” getting “married off?”
Her talk did encourage me to go read the Ensign this month. All I can say is I was sorely disappointed. Not one article even had the hint that they even spoke to a singleton. Yet again, the marrieds know all the answers and can't wait to share them to us helpless, stupid, singles.
The first Ensign article I read “Making Temple Marriage a Priority.” Yet another article with the intent of telling me I should make a Temple Marriage a priority. Well, it is. And that has a lot to do with why I am still single- because I refuse to settle for anything less than a TEMPLE marriage. I think often “non-singles” have this funny idea that singles don't WANT to get married, and so they tell us to make marriage a priority. Newsflash folks, most of us do want to get married. (Sidenote: I actually did find their story sweet and charming. But not real marriage advice.)
The second article, “Making the Marriage Decision,” had me nearly gagging. Young adults about 20-22 years old all talking about the agonizing decision to get married. I can't help it, I have to say it. Maybe they were all right? Maybe they were all too young to get married? Would their lives be so awful if they had all waited to graduate from college, live and experience the real world just a little bit, before committing to one person for all eternity? I'm not suggesting an “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die/get married” mentality. I'm just suggesting that at age 21 it is hard to know who you really are! So how can you possibly know what you really want? I know that at age 35 I am nothing like the girl (and I do mean GIRL, not woman) I was at 21. I wonder how many fewer bankruptcies there would be if the wife had ever had to hold a job, earn money, and be responsible for her own finances? Or if maybe the wife had finished college and had an education that would allow her to get a job during marriage that would bring in a sufficient second income to keep them from financial ruin? Or how many divorces would be avoided by both husband and wife getting to know each other better before they got married?
The third article, “Confidence Tests.” Well, I think if I was still 21 years old and based all my confidence on the number of boys that called me that week, this article would be pertinent. But since I am not 21 years old, and don't care in the least what others think of me, this was another pointless article. I think my favorite “counsel” in this article is, “Courtship is a time for two people to get acquainted.” Really?? That is what we are supposed to be doing???
I found all three articles to be condescending and patronizing, as well as the speaker in church. I don't need baby step instructions on what a date is. (Courtship is a time for two people to get acquainted.) What I want, and what I need, is a decent man (see previous blog post on why I'm looking forward to NOT dating for a while). I want to be treated equally and fairly in church. Can you imagine the backlash if I stood up and said, “This month's articles were all about families, and that is just silly!” Somehow it is okay to make fun of being single, but it isn't okay to make fun of couples that never should have gotten married in the first place??
I don't CHOOSE to be single. I have made a Temple Marriage a priority my entire life. I am just STILL single. Don't tell me to “pray to find a good eternal companion.” Do you really think I haven't been doing that for the last twenty years?