Monday, March 29, 2010

To Date or Not to Date, Often You Never Get to the Question

Tonight as I began packing and organizing for my move I had a funny thought. I sold the cute little white wicker bench that has sat on my front porch since last summer. When I bought it I had a date planned for that weekend. I remember thinking that it would be a fun place to sit after the date, rather than invite him in. I don't recall what happened with the date that weekend. But here is what I do know- I've never sat with a date on that bench.
In fact, I haven't had one date since moving into this house where the guy has picked me up at my house. I've had dates, but not one can fall into the gentleman category. For that matter, I haven't had one date in the past several years where I've invited the guy in. 
To that I say, easy come, easy go. In my three years of dating (or not dating as the case may be) in Utah, I've been sorely unimpressed. I can't say I'll miss it. Most of the men came with a glaring defect and a "take it or leave it" attitude. And in three years, I have met exactly ONE guy that reached my (honestly not that high) standards. All I asked for was that he be active LDS, respectful, interesting/charismatic, single (not divorced or with kids), gainfully employed in such a way as to show pride in himself, and not one to brag about his sins and errors. And if he has a nice smile and good hygiene, all the better. It really doesn't seem so complicated or difficult. But in 3 years of looking, I have found only ONE guy that met those standards. Oh, and he never asked me out. I've gone on plenty of dates with guys missing two or three of those simple attributes, for better or for worse.
Dating in my mid-30s has been an interesting experiment/experience. It is never predictable. The guys I think are sure things turn out to be nothings. The guys I can't find one positive thing to say about and get bored with in 2 seconds ask me out. I have discovered quickly how to separate the men from the "guys." Or how to tell if a divorced father is a good father or not. (If he's not, he doesn't get the time of day from me.)
Recently a man I thought would never speak to me struck up a long email conversation with me. Just as he got me hooked and interested, he disappeared. Nada, nothing, no explanations for why he talked to me, or why he stopped. Another man admitted that for years he had an interest in me, but never got up the guts to do anything about it. I was flattered and showed him interest, and he disappeared. (I guess he got to know me and decided he wasn't interested in what he found?) And then a man (yes, all three qualify as men, not guys) I was was very interested in, and he showed a lot of interest back, but he never did anything about it, asked if we could reschedule a farewell party for me so that he could be there!
I don't get dating anymore. Part of me is looking forward to a new town and new faces. Not that I'm expecting many LDS men around to date there. In fact, I would be surprised if there are any! But I am looking forward to a new and challenging job that I can throw myself into. And in a town with few other distractions, I look forward to spending a lot of time getting creative, and working out. In other words, I look forward to not caring about dating for a good long time. There are a lot more interesting things to do with my life than care about what a man is (or more likely isn't!) thinking!

1 comment:

  1. Your standards are high. He can't be divorced or have kids and he has to be active and LDS? People join the church. Active members go inactive. Focus on meeting a wide variety of people and if there is mutual interest explore it. You may find someone who wants to join the church.


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