Thursday, April 01, 2010

Being Happy, Being Single, and Over 30

After my rant earlier this week about dating advice, I thought I'd share my own advice to singles everywhere, particularly to the ones over 30. At first, I called this dating advice. But then I realized, it isn't about dating. It is about Being Happy, Being Single, and Over 30.

Here is the advice I wish we as singles would hear more often-
People give bad dating advice all the time, so don't take it personally.
People get asked out on bad dates all the time, so don't take it personally.
Enjoy being who you are! Do not hold yourself back from experiencing life because someone else hasn't picked you yet.
You are great. You are as God intended you to be (assuming you follow His commandments). Do not change yourself to win the affections of another. Who would you rather please? Your Father in Heaven? Or a person who has rejected you as you are?
Do more and be more. You have no excuse to not contribute more to your community. Be happy, live happy!
Make good friends, and enjoy your family. Be loyal to those who love you. You are going to need them next time you need to lift something heavy, and there still isn't a spouse around to help.
Stay grounded and keep focused on the things that are most important to you.
Don't take it personally when the object of your affection doesn't call you.
Find happiness in who you are, what you stand for, and what you have accomplished. Don't wait to be happy when someone else gives you validation.
Be forgiving and understanding, because no one is perfect. And dating helps us meet a lot of imperfect people!
When it feels like you are in a church that is family focused and excludes the singles, find a way to fit in anyway. Don't be afraid to make friends with little children.
When people ask the world's most annoying question, “So why are you still single?” smile and laugh and say, “I don't know, why don't you tell me?”
When someone suggests you just need to “pray harder” to find a spouse, sincerely suggest to them that they pray to help you find a spouse as well.
Don't give up on your standards and morals, just because after twenty years of dating it is getting rather tiresome. Recommit to your standards and morals, and dress in a way that makes your morals clear.
Re-evaluate your outward appearance, and ask a friend for advice on how you could improve. Unfortunately, as much as we want people to judge us by what is on the inside, they still see the outside first.
Go on a second date, even when "you didn't hear Lionel Richie singing" after the first date.
Everyone deserves a second chance. Only a chosen few deserve a third.
Make friends with the opposite sex. Make friends with people with similar interests as you outside of Church.
Remember that the relationships you see on tv and in movies are all make-believe. Don't judge your relationships by the fiction displayed. Never expect romance to move at the speed of a sitcom. And never expect love to exhibit itself accurately when written for entertainment purposes.
Get involved in your community. Give your life meaning! Do you want to be known as the person who ate out a lot and spent their money on food and entertainment? Or do you want to be known as the person who made a difference in their community? (Don't just do this as a way to meet new people, do this because it is the right thing to do!)
Ask yourself what matters most to you- building a family? Taking care of others? Making money? Creating a home? Go do it anyway!! Why wait? You can be a foster parent and give a home to a deserving child. Take care of your neighbors, ward members, friends, and family. Buy and build a home to suit you. Make major career moves- don't hold yourself back.

To the singles with children, I offer the following advice-
Women- there is nothing more unbecoming than a single mother complaining about finances and how her ex doesn't pay enough in support, while she is sitting there with fake nails, a fake tan, new clothes, and is eating out an expensive restaurant. You are far more attractive when it is believable that you put your children first.
Men there is no bigger turn off than a man who complains about having to support the wife he promised to honor, support, and love, except for a man who complains about paying child support. Don't just pay what the State requires. Pay more because you love your children and want them to have the best.
Men (and women) who pay support, or do not have full-time custody- It is obvious who the good fathers are and who the bad fathers are. Be a good father. To a potential date who is considering you as a potential spouse, and therefore potential father to her own children, it is important to see that you are a good father to the children you already have.
Pay your child support voluntarily. These things do become obvious to your peers. Put your children first! Why would anyone want to date a person who is a neglectful parent?

To my divorced peers I suggest the following-
Do not speak ill of your former companion to members of the same or opposite sex.
Be a good former spouse. Do not bicker. Do not air your dirty laundry.
Do not date until your divorces are final! Until the judge says you are divorced, you are still married!
When you learn to let go of the hate, you learn to be happy again.You may never get closure, but you can still let go.

There is nothing more attractive than happiness!

Do you have some advice or rules of thumb to add to this list? I'd love to hear it! Add away!!


  1. Yes! This is all great!! And I do wish us singles heard this more often. I'm glad this is out in the blogosphere!

  2. I love you E! Well said :) I just might have to quote to this blog entry. I know you never expected to have good advice based on having to live it...but its very good advice! I like how you said we just haven't been picked "yet". :)


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