Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Relationships- an interlude
As I have been focusing on relationships this week, reading the stories, and even reading a few books on the subject, I've made an interesting self-discovery.
As mentioned previously, my history (for the past 7 years basically) has been I meet a guy, we flirt, he shows interest, usually there is no date, and I stay interested for months on end with things going nowhere. I hang on, passively interested, but never interested enough to do much about it, until the next guy comes along.
Here's what I realized today. I never really liked any of those guys enough to want to do more. I moved on when someone else interested me. In fact, I can't really recall the last time I got very excited about anyone. And let me tell ya, it is hard to get excited about guys in their 30s and beyond. They've got a spare tire, less hair on top, too much hair in other places, plenty of baggage, and they tend to have very egotistical pre-conceived notions about women. (I think if I could meet just one guy who doesn't fit that description, I might get excited about him.)
In our 20s we get excited about a lot of guys. And IMHO, a lot of girls marry the first guy that excites them more than the others. The guy that fits the bill better than most. They marry him convinced no one else will ever find that same chemistry with them.
The difference in dating in your 30s and beyond, is knowing that not only do you find that chemistry with more than one person, that it doesn't mean a thing. You can feel that chemistry, and it still doesn't always work out. (Creating a small trust issue and baggage to boot.) Or, conversely, you date wondering if you'll ever get to find that chemistry you have heard of.
One thing I have noticed about individuals looking for second marriages, or individuals who have been married a while, is that they aren't looking for that first relationship chemistry. They admit they are looking for compatibility, not chemistry.
Me? I've felt that wonderful chemistry, and been with men who fit the bill perfectly for me. Now, what to do about that? Find it again? Or just look for simple, happy, compatibility?
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