Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Love isn't love till you give it away
"You wouldn't understand, you're not a mother."
I know the person who said that to me didn't mean for it to cut like a knife. But then, maybe she did? She's said things to me like this several times in my life. "When you're a wife, you'll understand," she says with her head condescendingly tipped down, her voice full of airs and pretension. I used to let it roll off my back, her opinion meaning nothing to me. But lately, it has really started to hurt my feelings and break my heart. Why must she always treat me like an immature, selfish teenager, just because I've never been married? Does wisdom, authority, and knowledge, suddenly come with a gold band? Do the last 17 years of living alone, providing for myself, getting an education, traveling the world, and serving others somehow not give me adult credentials?
A few nights ago I saw a cute couple flirt with each other. They have been married for over 25 years, and have several children together. He came up behind her, slipped his arms around her waist, hugged her, and kissed her. They flirted and teased for a minute. It was very cute.
And it broke my heart.
Up till that moment I wasn't very sure that I wanted to ever get married. As you may recall, I began "Relationship Week" really not knowing if love was something I wanted to pursue anymore. After seeing their exchange in the hallway, I found myself jealous and mad for a moment. I hadn't realized how much I wanted and missed that. I do want to be married someday. I do want to love someone else.
I like who I am. I am happy single. I don't need a gold band to justify my life and existence. I don't need a man to make me happy. But I'd sure like a man to share my happiness with.
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