Thursday, September 02, 2010
I Feel Lucky!
Talk about a week full of highs and lows. It started with a lot of high hopes, followed by some huge disappointments, with plenty of frustrations and broken dreams in the middle. An emotional roller coaster to put it mildly. With every high and low, lecture and compliment, comes a large dose of self-doubt and questioning. Am I going the right direction? Will I ever have any control over my future again? How much longer do I have to wait till I have some answers? Have I learned from this trial? And my favorites- why me? And sometimes- why not me?!
Amidst these questions and peaks and valleys I gladly left town to go visit my cousin at the beach this week. If I was going to be forced into a holding pattern, waiting for answers to questions I never wanted to ask, I may as well do it on a beach, and not sitting alone in a big house in Roanoke, right?
Of course, there was also this minor inconvenience called Hurricane Earl heading our way as well. This isn't the first time a hurricane has threatened to interrupt one of my vacations, and I wasn't going to let it stop me. I'm glad I made the trip in spite of the pending storm. I've had a lot of time to sit and think on the beach. I have re-discovered that I need water- preferably large lakes and oceans- to feel creative. There is something about waves and endless expanses of ocean that help relax the mind and allows a new perspective. Which is something I have desperately needed as I endure this season of life. I feel lucky and blessed to be able to realign my perspectives and expectations, to be able to allow myself to achieve happiness.
Tonight I write this as we are getting word that what was once a Cat 4 hurricane, threatening to destroy this town, is now a Cat 2, and will miss us by several hundred miles. In fact, we're hearing now that it may not even rain here! I've enjoyed some beautiful weather and scenery these last 2 days. I even got to rescue a baby stingray that washed ashore! Lesson learned- risk it! Don't be afraid to try and go for more! The threats can be real, but sometimes the storm will pass you right by.
And so I give you one of the first ever country music songs I fell in love with- "I Feel Lucky" by Mary Chapin Carpenter (who happens to also share my hometown!). Its a fun song for a hurricane, and it also describes how I'm feeling about things tonight.
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