Tonight I am overwhelmed with thoughts of what happens if I don't get to join the Peace Corps due to things completely beyond my control. I've lost a lot of dreams in the past year, and now possibly the Peace Corps. I hope I'm having all of these feelings unnecessarily. Hopefully I will find out that I'm not disqualified very soon, and I can go back to living out a life long dream.
But what if?
It's normally a question I never ask myself. I try to never live in the "what if**" world, and instead operate on facts and reality. I live in the world of events that I can control, and don't operate on "but what if?" But tonight the reality is that I may very well be losing the thing that I have always wanted.
[THERE WAS A WHOLE BLOG POST HERE. SORRY IF YOU MISSED IT. BUT IT JUST GOT REDACTED.]
**the "what if" world is where people hold themselves back by saying things like "but what if you meet someone and get married? would you quit your job?" or "but what if you join the Peace Corps, how will you meet someone and get married?" or "but what if you don't like working there?" or "but what if you don't like it?" or my favorite, "but what if you like him? would you marry him?" (really the "what if world" consists of a lot people thinking i should hold myself back from doing what i want because i might meet a man i like.)
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