When things get to be too rough, challenging, discouraging, whatever, I close my eyes and think of my little home back in Lehi, Utah. I loved the little house I made a home. I worked hard to make a strange little box my home. I decorated, gardened, and spent every last cent on furnishing my home the way I wanted it to be. I have no regrets.
Home these days is a foreign concept to me. It is a fleeting dream, something I want to have back, but it is just beyond my reach. Home is supposed to be a place of love, familiarity, comfort, and more. It is where you feel at ease, and recognize your surroundings. But lately I haven't had that.
My parents live in a country far, far away. I live in someone else's house, surrounded by their belongings. Aside from my clothes, and a blanket on the bed, the only other thing in here that is mine is a TV. My beloved white board, where I create and brainstorm, sits on the floor beside my chair. I can't hang it on the walls, because this is someone else's house. Someone else's home.
So I close my eyes and remember my cute little living room back in my old life that I miss so much. It is where "Little" and I did her homework, and snuggled while watching TV. It is where my dog used to "herd" the cats into a corner. It is where my brother would sit and tell me crazy stories. It is where I could look out the windows and spy on my neighbors. It is where my friends and I would sit and talk. It was my home.
My little house wasn't my dream house. In fact, I only picked it because it was the house I could afford. But I put a lot of love and hard work into that house. It wasn't a palace, but it was mine.
Just the word "home," conveys comfort and warmth. It is a place to belong and where you know who you are. It isn't necessarily your parents' house, or a family member's house. I never expected to find my home in Lehi, Utah, 2,000 miles away from everything I knew and loved.
There's the silly old saying that home is where your heart is. As true as this old saying is, I would like to change it some. Home is where you loved. It is where you put your love to work for others. It is where you learned to love. And it is where you feel loved.