Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Love Guest Blogger Lindsey - "Could I love an adopted child as much as a biological one?


For our first LOVE guest blogger, I am thrilled to bring you one of my favorite bloggers and "old" friends, Lindsey. Lindsey is the fabulous voice behind "the r house" blog. She is also an adoption advocate. Every day she bares her soul and puts herself out there educating the world about the joys and blessings of adoption. I have loved her for years (since she was 12!) and love her that much more for living a life worth talking about now. 


Could I love an adopted child as much as a biological one?
By Lindsey Redfern, www.therhouse.blogspot.com

mrs and mr r

I am married to the love of my life and the most hysterically funny man I know. He is my favorite Valentine.

As most newlyweds do (whether they admit it or not), we would often talk about what our future children would look like--super tall like my husband, blue-eyed, brunette, sassy and athletic with enormous lips and shoulders. (We both have really broad shoulders and lips to match.)

After five years of marriage, the last thing we thought the doctor would ever tell us is that we would never be able to have biological children. We were crushed as the dream of those children we had imagined slipped away. We cried ourselves to sleep too many nights to remember.

When we discussed whether the path of adoption was right for our family, I wondered if I could love an adopted child as much as a biological one. Would there be a difference? Would I feel bonded to them? Would they feel bonded to us? Would we really be a family? We discussed it as a couple and my wise husband pointed out that he and I were not biologically related and yet the love and bond that we had was unbreakable. So true! Biological love is not the only kind of love that makes a family.

We came to understand in no uncertain terms that adoption was how our family was to be created. What once felt so heavy and sad had turned into light and hope due to the miracle of adoption and the love of two brave birth mothers.


When I held my oldest son for the first time in the hallway outside his birth mother’s hospital room, I literally felt my heart leap. My eyes welled up with tears of joy and that undeniable feeling of motherhood filled me from head to toe. Those chocolate brown baby eyes stole my heart and continue to every day.

Lindsey holding Gavin for the first time! Look at her smile! Tell me that isn't love!

When my youngest son (Gavin) was born and I held that little bundle for the first time in his birth mother’s hospital room, his luscious lips and wild black hair won me over. Here was this perfect little spirit that needed us to fight for the life his birth mother chose for him. We were in court for the first 18 months of his life in a contested adoption with his birth father. We won and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t take extra time to love on the baby that we almost lost.

A Mom and her two darling boys!

Our family does not look alike. Not one of us share a common stand of physical DNA. But, the spiritual DNA that binds our family together is familiar to me. Those strands that I recognize in my children are the same strands that I recognized in my husband when we first fell in love. They are what make us a close-knit family. And all three of my boys are the loves of my life.

LOVE!


From Erin - PS- I currently work with the young women at my church. I often encourage them to be friends regardless of their age differences (encourage the high school seniors to get to know the 7th graders). I told my sister this and she couldn't think of who the younger girls were when she was the oldest. I admitted I couldn't remember who the 12 year olds were either from when I was 18. Which is silly because I know I was friends with them and nice to them! But I couldn't name any of them. Three nights later I woke up in the middle of the night and yelled "Lindsey!" Not only do I know exactly who those "little girls" were when I was 18, but I'm still friends with her now! I just haven't thought of her as a little girl in a very long time!

6 comments:

  1. Wonderful! I LOVE this post.

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  2. Love this post and SO relate to it!

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  3. Love this post. Good job Lindsey. I want to know if you can love adopted foster children the same way you love your biological children? Does your heart make it work?

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  4. Amy- I will answer that one!
    I think it does take longer to fully love an adopted foster child (especially one that still visits their bio parents, or comes in at an older age). But, anyone who sets out to unconditionally love and accept a child, no matter how and where that child joined the family, can succeed at doing so.

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  5. I love Lindsey! And I love this article by her! MY FAV!!!

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