Friday, February 18, 2011

To really love another, one must really love themselves

Our last guest LOVE blogger comes from single dad Brigham. Thanks, B, for the heart-felt post!

When the month of February comes around each year, we all are reminded in some form or another that it is Valentine’s Day and celebration of love whether it is something we individually want to think about or not.  It is in our human nature to want love, companionship, intimacy, and affection in our lives to some degree. I have come across many people looking for these things in their lives whether it is the single person, the divorced person, or the married person. For the single person, they are looking for the “one” to fall in love with and share life with. For the divorced person, to hope for and find love again with the person that is right for them. For the married person,  to continue to have the lasting love and companionship with their partner.
So love is something we all are seeking or longing for, but how can we find love and sustain love with another individual. I believe the key to this is loving yourself or “self love” and knowing yourself. By this, I mean know who you are which includes knowing what you stand for, knowing your own strengths and weaknesses, and loving yourself for whom you are. If there are things you don’t love about yourself than change those things.
 We all have been in those self-pity stages in our lives where we feel no one loves us or cares about us which happens and is normal to feel that way occasionally, but it is those individuals that have love for themselves that can get over that and press on and really love someone else.  When you really look at those people around you that are in loving successful relationships is because they have love for themselves and whom they are. By loving yourself, I am not referring to it just to be all about loving you, but a more selfless love- loving yourself, but also giving of yourself. It is possible to love yourself so much that you become selfish, arrogant, and prideful which are the primary reasons why don’t find love or why love in relationships doesn’t last and leads to relationships ending as well as probably the most immeasurable factor in divorces.
Look at the examples, you have around you of individuals in loving, successful relationships compared to those that  are in unhappy, not so loving relationships and ask yourself these questions.  Are the ones in loving relationships more happy not only individually, but happy together as partners compared to those in not so loving relationships? Are individuals in loving relationships know who they are and tend to love themselves more compared to those in not so loving relationships? Are individuals in loving relationships more selfless compared to those in not so loving relationships?
So to really love someone else, I believe one first must love themselves. Just think about it, if you don’t love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to really love you. Does anyone really want to be with someone that doesn’t love themselves or is not happy with themselves? Do you as an individual want to be with someone that doesn’t love themselves enough where they don’t care or not happy with their lives? Of course not,  most of us don’t want to be with someone that is unhappy or miserable. Yes, it is possible to find love if we don’t really love ourselves or find a relationship with someone that doesn’t love themselves, but as individuals we have to think is that something we really want and is it something that would be a loving, lasting relationship that we all long for.

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