Sunday, February 20, 2011

Tonight I realized I've been making things worse for myself lately. There's the stress and all that comes with it from my unemployment situation. But on top of that I'm kicking myself and punishing myself for not doing more with my so-called freedom right now.
I'm not running off on weekend trips. I'm not visiting friends around the country (heck, I'm not even visiting them around the state). I'm not spending every possible minute writing a book. I'm not working out and getting into shape.
I'm not doing anything with all of this free time.
I wish that I was. But ask anyone who is unemployed, sometimes it just doesn't work that way. I still manage to be full time busy, in spite of having nothing traditional to do.
I wish I could find inspiration and creativity and write to my heart's content right now. I have a story in my head that I wish I was more juiced up to write out.
I wish I could just jump in my car and go from friend to friend, visiting people and really enjoying their company. But this seems so unfeasible as to be a pipe dream.
I wish I had a lot more money so I could do fun things with all of this "free time." One of the hardest parts of unemployment is not getting to have fun with it, and then knowing once there is a job, it will be that much longer till there is vacation time accrued, or the funds to spend on a vacation.
And then of course, on top of everything else, I don't know what my future holds. Will I get rejected in this last round of cuts from the Peace Corps? Will I be leaving the country in 6 months? Do I need to find a Plan B for my life? What job/career do I want if I don't get into the PC?


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