Sunday, March 27, 2011

Poking the hornet's nest one more time

Since I seemed to have stirred up a hornet's nest these past few weeks regarding dating, happiness, single life, etc., I thought I'd have one last little fun jab at it.
The email I am about to share and exploit came to be from a non-secular dating site. The person who sent it to me does not know my name. He knows very precious little about me. He is not LDS. In other words, chances are slim to none that he will ever find and read this blog. Which is the only way and reason I will exploit the following conversation here.

The first email I received from him was one of those lame little "you're cute" wink/flirt things.
I checked out his profile, and found absolutely nothing of interest to me in it. He is not by most women's standards attractive, had poor photos of himself posted, and his personal information was more about his dog than about him.
In other words, he's just not for me. It's that simple.
I like to be polite and not leave people hanging. I think it is rude to not respond when people send winks or flirts. So I sent back the generic little, "Thanks, but no thanks" thing.
And then I got this in response-

You know little to nothing about me as a person. You've never met me, you've never even heard my voice on the phone. Why are you judging me already?
Well, first, this snotty, rude reply is an even bigger turnoff. I was tempted not to respond, but I sat on it a few days and decided to politely explain myself. I'm looking for someone with more education, a different style of humor, and that physically I felt no spark. 
Again he replied.
 I don't even remember writing to you. I NEVER get positive responses and I just want to know why. Am I wrong to feel this way? What if I was to tell you things about me as an individual, such as things I like to to for fun, my personal opinions about certain things, etc. then is it at all possible that maybe you might become interested?

 Seriously, good people of the online dating world- this should never have to be a question. Should he tell me what he likes to do for fun, share opinions, and describe himself as an individual? SERIOUSLY??? 


What the crap else would you put in a profile?? (well, in his case, I know how many times a day his dog gets walked.) These profiles are meant to sell YOU as an individual!!! This is not rocket science!!

People, dating is not a pretty happy world out there. It isn't all Prince Charming sitting around with a dozen roses looking for a woman to sweep off her feet. So maybe you can cut some of us a little slack when we say it is hard to find a good guy. We're busy dodging landmines and idiots to find them. 

And now, unless I do happen to meet a Prince Charming this week, I'm taking a short hiatus from discussing relationships, singles, and dating. (At least until my column comes out next week.) I'm tired!


  1. Landmines and idiots, versooth. One of the things I learned, early on, is that if you happen to make it to the chatting stage and they ask "what are you wearing?", the proper response is, "full body armor including a chastity belt, goodbye!" followed by blocking them six ways from Sunday. And then there was the allegedly-Christian guy on a non-LDS site [long, long ago] who, when he found out I was LDS, wanted to deprogram me. On the other hand, it only makes me appreciate the truly good guys who are my real-life friends and posse all the more.

  2. Wow. just wow.
    The obtuse-ness never ceases to amaze me!

    I had a similar conversation with a guy I know in Catholic Social circles in my city. He is uber annoying to me (and most people), socially awkward, and as you said about your online suitor -- most women would not find him attractive. He has a kind heart though.

    So once we were chatting about the plight of Online dating: I shared that my frustration was that the men don't do anything beyond sending smiley faces/winks.
    He shared that he doesn't even get responses back. So, wondering if he was a smiley face guy... I asked about his MO.

    "I usually say, 'Hi, I'm -insert name-"

    Seriously? We know your name from your profile! (on that particular site) You gotta give us more than "Hi"!!

    I suggested pointing out what you might have in common, (ballet? I love ballet! - Softball? What a fun way to stay in shape!)
    His response was, "Really?"

    Yeah really! What would you say in person? Sheesh!

    I can't believe your dog guy! (meaning... I do...I really do!) Okay, so his dog is his main interest. Super! Yawn.
    You're right, it is astounding that he had to ask if he should share more about himself. Um. Duh!

    But, as I mention in my (really long) blog post tonight... I think men don't read the profiles. They just look for pretty faces. I've actually read a man's profile that said, "Well, we all know nobody reads these things..." - well buddy, there's your problem!
    My point being... if they're just looking for pretty faces and not reading profiles... perhaps it doesn't occur to them that writing one is important. An obvious division between the genders.
    And that's another reason why we're all single!


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