Monday, December 12, 2011

Take a Deep Breath and Carry On


Every once in a while I get hit with a sneak attack of loneliness. Not the kind of loneliness where I live alone and have no friends. But the kind of loneliness that says I'm destined to be alone forever, never fall in love again, and die an old maid. I hate that feeling.
It wasn't my favorite weekend ever. As always, I've tried to stay positive, focus on my blessings and what I have to be grateful for. But my hours at work got cut significantly- down to less than 10 hours! And next week isn't looking any better. While I'm grateful to be making some money, this is barely enough to survive on, let alone thrive on. Forget buying Christmas presents. I'll be lucky to have enough money to buy gas just to get to work!
All that aside, I just felt alone. It really doesn't hit me too often. But it hit me full force this weekend. Just that empty, dead feeling of "what's the point in even trying?" Sometimes it hits when you look around and don't like your options. But since moving here it is less not liking my options, and more not having any options at all. The lack of other singles my age to do things with. The lack of ability to travel to other towns to meet other people. (Read: worked 7 hrs at minimum wage last week. That doesn't even pay to fill up my economically friendly car!) Living alone where I can go for days without talking to another human in person. Feeling like I am losing my social skills. Just feeling like the leftover loser that never got picked for the team. That kind of awful loneliness that leads to actually thinking about ex-boyfriends in a longing way. And that is a very dangerous road to go down!

This feeling is easier to overcome when there are good things happening in the rest of my life. When I can say it is all okay, because the Lord has other things in store for me. I was meant to do something else first. But when it feels like my whole life is a waste? It is really hard to find the positive, big picture side of things.

3 comments:

  1. I don't know if this will help but there is very likely more possibilites for everything in Utah. Do you have a connection there to live with (err sponge off) for a while? Gotta be more jobs there, not to mention suitable suitors. You deserve the best. Well I can't tell you what's right for you, just something to think of. Love reading your blog.

    a canadian mormon

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  2. hey look I finally got a comment to publish !!! Erin, have you noticed a lot of lessons and talks are about trials lately? I sure have. Working in the Temple has taught me that Heavenly Father really loves us more than we can imagine and waits to bless us ATTOUFaith. Hang in for as M. McLean says - the Light will come.

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  3. Our point on this earth is to have experience.... and all blessings will be ours. I'm grateful for those that haven't waited for life to come to them, but got up and involved. You know you. You know you are involved and participating. You wouldn't be less you being married and you aren't less you being single. I'm grateful for you and your life. I'm excited for every adventure I can live through you!

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