A friend of mine passed away today.
I'm not really sure where to begin. My heart and head are full of so many emotions right now. I feel like a terrible friend. I didn't know she was even sick. I hadn't paid enough attention to her Facebook posts in a long time. I only found out she was sick a few hours before she passed away because of someone else's Facebook status.
When I had originally logged in to Facebook it was to post a whiny rant about a medical issue I have been dealing with. I'm sick and tired of my situation, and am ready to go public with it, in hopes that maybe someone out there will have some clues or leads for me. But just as I was about to post it I saw my other friend's status about our ailing mutual friend. I never did post my own status and immediately began to think about my sick friend.
Learning how sick she was suddenly put my own problems into perspective. (her liver was very sick, and she did not qualify for a transplant. She thought she had up to 2 years to live, but within days of the diagnosis she took a turn for the worst. She went into the hospital on Monday, and passed away on Wednesday.)
Yes, I have a significant medical problem. Yes, I still need to see a specialist. But no matter how bad we think we have it, there is someone else out there who will have it worse. Tonight my heart goes out to the teenage daughter she left behind, and all the friends that will miss her. I can think of dozens of times she was a listening ear and confidante for me. And I can think of dozens of times I wasn't a good enough friend for her.
But I also have dozens of happy memories tucked in my heart I can pull out and remember tonight. I had a conversation with her in my heart tonight. I want to make it to her funeral very much. I owe her that. She was a very social person, and I know how much it would mean to her to have tons of friends at her funeral. And I want to think that when she looks down from Heaven on her funeral that she will see a room full of love all for her. I don't have details yet on when or where the service will be. But I do know that if it is very soon I will have difficulty making the arrangements to travel with my family visiting, finances, etc. And I had that conversation with her in my heart, and I could loudly hear what she would say to me about what my priorities should be. And I could hear her loudly telling me to stop being stupid and get my medical situation checked up on, and to stop wasting my time.
She was always a great cheerleader for me. The kind of friend that even when I wasn't the best kind of friend to her, she remained loyal and loving to me.
So long my dear sweet Serena. I will miss you. And I will see you again. But until then I will find it in my heart to be grateful that you have escaped the limitations of your mortal body. And I promise to help make sure your children are okay. I know you would do the same for me.