The last few days, even weeks, have been rough for me. I can't really describe it as depression, frustration, loneliness, anger, disappointment, etc. Some strange combination of all of the above?
It finally hit me this morning what it is that has been eating at me, and why every little non-amazing moment in my life feels like a failure.
I'm living on the edge of rejection again.
At last count I have applied to 60+ jobs* (in about a 3 week period). And I have sent my novel out to a few publishers and literary agents for consideration.
Every day is a chance for success and rejection.
This morning I was looking over my to-do list. I have created a list of all the places I check and apply for job openings so I don't forget one-
LinkedIn, Idealist, DCJobs, HooJobs, AMA, Craigslist, Monster, Indeed, WashPost, and Mashable.
That is 10 places to either be rejected or happy before my day really begins.
No wonder I'm always feeling emotionally beaten!
Hopefully becoming more aware of my situation will help me fight off the blues. I'm not sure if keeping track of the numbers is a good or bad thing. I'm already tired of having to answer questions about "how's the job search going?" (It's almost as bad as, "are you still dating so-and-so?" You know what? Let's add dating to just one more way to feel confused and rejected on a regular basis too.)
I've been down this road before. It was a very long road that never did have a happy ending. I just finally sat down on the side of the road and decided to take a break. Now I'm realizing I still have a very long road to go down.
Bear with me folks. There is no end in sight.
*Out of 60 job applications I have had 1 "thank you, but," (code for "we never read your resume"), 1 test request, 1 salary inquiry, and 2 phone interviews (both in the last 2 days). 56 non-responses thus far. Believe it or not, this is actually a really positive number of responses!
Don't miss my new novel, "You Heard It Here First!" on Amazon, Nook, and Kindle!