Monday, February 04, 2013

Black cloud with a silver lining? Or silver cloud with a black lining?

Today was both a beautiful day and a tough day for me. Please forgive me for not getting too specific with the details while sharing this personal experience.
I had a job interview in the DC area. Going to these interviews has really started to take its toll on me. It costs me easily $100 each time I have to make the 4 hour drive up there, for what is usually only a 1 hour meeting. The $100 covers gas, food, etc. Plus let's not forget weather and seasonal changes have meant needing a good winter interview suit.
I've gone on a lot of interviews in the last 3-4 months. I hate to admit that I have lost count, but I'm thinking around 8 times? That's at least $800 I have spent going to job interviews.
Can you see how that alone would really start to wear on me?
And that doesn't even include the time investment, or having to ask friends and family for favors, or letting me sleep on their couches. Or getting a dog sitter. (My dog is becoming a pro at this too. Since she likes car rides so much, I've brought her along on several of these trips.)
I am grateful and excited each time I get an interview. Please do not think that I am not grateful!
But this is a lot of money I have invested with pretty much no results thus far.
Today I had another interview. I thought I was well-prepared, and I was actually fairly excited about it. I even felt nervous for the first time in a long time about an interview.
Before the interview I said a very specific prayer. And as I always do, I ended it in humility that I would accept the outcome of the events of the day as the Lord's will, and move on. I felt very comforted and confident that the events of the day would not be an accident, and that they would be the Lord's will, and I would see and know the answers to my very specific prayer.
And again, forgive me for not giving the specific details.
I can say that there were events in this day that no amount of preparation would have given me reason to see or anticipate coming. Things so completely out of my control and ridiculous that it was actually easy to walk away and laugh (at the time). It was not hard to accept that the unexpected turn of events were the Lord's will, and move on.
In many ways the very clear, obvious, and specific answers to my prayer made it a beautiful day. One I will always remember.
But then after so many negative experiences with interviews lately, there is that hazy, dark blemish on this day. I burned out. My desire to put myself through this again has dwindled down to nothing. I have more interviews lined up in the very near future, so this is a little black rain cloud I need to get out from under quickly- if possible. 
I'm very tired, very burned out, of job hunting and interviewing. I want to call it quits, but at the same time, I want to move on with my life even more. So I can't give up.

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