Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Dating Mistakes, Top 10 List for LDS Men, and Sex

 Yesterday I "put myself out there" big time with my column for Meridian on singles. I shared a few quick dating tips, and then shared some of the bigger mistakes I have made in dating, and in this case, all with the same guy. I've made those mistakes with other guys as well, but I managed to make dozens of them with one particular guy. (And he didn't go running! But he did slowly back away. I don't blame him a bit!)

Today I saw this circulating the interwebz- Top Ten List for Single Men. It's on a blog I've never heard of before (LDS Singles Survival), but may just have to keep following. I've heard the list before. It was written by a former singles ward bishop a few years ago.

The list is spot-on, and hits many of the details I wish more guys would wake up to. But it made me realize yet again how the 'lists' for women tend to be, "pick yourself up, go be fabulous, and don't wait for the guys to get it together." There are a few that issue wake-up calls to the women too (I think I wrote one once, but I can't remember what I titled it), but mostly men get criticized, while women get motivated.

The men are told they aren't as good as they think they are and to go try for the women [in their league]. While the women are told they are great, and to not waste time waiting for LDS men to get it together. You realize we're telling the men to chase the women and the women to run away faster. We're not telling them to run TO each other.

No wonder they aren't finding each other!

The conflict and contradiction got me to thinking about the disparity in how young men and young women in the LDS world are taught about sex and modesty. Young men are told it is natural to feel sexual urges towards the women. (For the best example of this ever, go google "little factory talk by boyd k packer." You'll laugh and cry.) And young women are told to cover themselves so they don't encourage those thoughts in young men. Young men are told it is good and natural, young women are taught it is a sin to have lustful thoughts and that it is their fault if anyone has them.

Again, are we surprised at the complications that are keeping couples apart?

Just some thoughts this morning...

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1 comment:

  1. Wow. Those conflicting messages need to be addressed. That's awful!
    The guy I'm dating is the father of three boys, two of them teenagers who are starting to date. I warned him that he'd better tell them what not to do with their wieners! So I looked up talks from Christopher West and another guy... Both focus on Theology of the Body, which is about respect all the way around. I hope that's what kids are getting these days.
    I also think we should put more responsibility on boys.... Females are only fertile a few days a month, but they get all the pressure. Males are fertile just all the darn time and but we expect the girls to use birth control!!!


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