Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Direct Communication is a Good Thing

A few months ago I found myself surrounded by girlfriends, deep in a late night conversation. Another girlfriend came in, crawled onto my bed, grasping her phone, completely sad and depressed.
She told us she had just found out that the man she had been dating, but was currently on a break with, was spotted on a date with another woman. The other woman was pretty, smart, and basically a real threat.
My friend was heartbroken. She was convinced the man would fall in love with this other great woman, forget my friend existed, and marry the other woman.
She was miserable.
As girlfriends are prone to do, we began to dissect, analyze, plot, and re-analyze the situation. Should she try to get him back? Should she be sly? Direct? Text? Call? Run into him in the hall? Wait for him to call? Just wait and see how things played out with the other woman? Why would the other woman mean anything to him? Girlfriend is beautiful, smart, and talented. There's no way the other woman had more going on than she did!
For hours we talked and commiserated.
My girlfriend spiraled downward. I have never seen someone so despondent. She was so depressed and pathetic!
And finally that's when reality hit me.
If she cared so much about him that she could feel that awful over the possibility of losing him, she couldn't- shouldn't- send a vague text, and run into him in the hall.
So I gave her advice I never thought I'd give. Me! The woman who perfected the art of the male analysis and plotting!
I told her if she felt that way about him, she needed to "man up," go to him, and tell him exactly how she felt.
She listened to me, but the girls on the bed resumed plotting and analyzing for a few more hours. (This part I remember well because it was my bed. I didn't get to go to sleep for a very long time.)
A few days ago my girlfriend posted a beautiful photo on Facebook- a man down on one knee, holding out a ring to her, and the happiest smile you have ever seen on her face.
I asked her for the details.
Much to my surprise, after we talked that night, she bought a plane ticket and flew to see him the very next day. She told him the truth. Three months later he proposed.
Her happy ending has me thinking about direct communication in relationships, and how often the female tendency to overthink/rethink/overanalyze every little detail in a relationship.
I recently stopped and took a look at a relationship with a guyfriend. For a long time I was very good about accepting communication with him at face value. Things were good between us then. But after things started to go south, I started "reading into things." And honestly, things went from south, to the south pole.
I'm going to learn a lesson from my friend, and (oddly) take my own advice- direct communication. No playing games.


  1. I'm Jules, and I approve of this message.

  2. I just have one question...
    Why were they on a "break"? What did he/she do, to make her feel they needed to be apart?


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